(Mis)Understanding Transgender: Outdated Fataawah, Scholarly Disengagement, & Lack of Tarbiya

Originally published here and here at AlJumuah.com

WITH EVERY PASSING year – indeed, with every passing month – Muslims are faced with new intellectual and societal challenges to their faith. Whether it’s atheism, scientific claims about evolution, or social matters related to gender and sexuality, many Muslims (especially in the West) find themselves questioning traditionally held beliefs and practices. Most recently, one of the issues to affect both the wider society and media, and the Muslim community, is that of transgender people and how the concept of gender is defined – and practiced.

Since the story of Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner hit the media, a few notable issues have arisen.

1) Outdated Fatâwa

Transgender issues have not been dealt with in the general Muslim community to any great scale; discussions surrounding these matters have been, until now, limited to certain circles – progressive, academic, and (Islamic) scholarly.

Three Categories

In the latter category, fatâwa  have been issued discussing the permissibility of sex-change operations (http://islamqa.info/en/34553), but sometimes the wordings tend to conflate transgendered individuals with intersexed individuals.  (http://www.amjaonline.org/en/component/content/article/20-declarations/67-9th-conference).

The general conclusion of the scholarly community appears to be limited to ruling that cross-dressing and seeking sex change operations on the basis of identifying as the opposite gender isḥarâm.

Those of the former two categories who address transgender issues, even when Muslim, do not give much weight or authority to the views of traditional scholarship; they focus primarily on secular liberal theories and beliefs surrounding gender and sexuality. This implies, perhaps, that the progressive and academic thinkers do not see traditional sources as capable of dealing sufficiently with current issues.

While they may acknowledge that traditional scholarship considers those actions to be ḥarâm, most (if not all) of them may not consider the Quran or Sunnah to be perfect and the ultimate source of non-negotiable authority. This is in contradiction to the position of Ahl Al-Sunnah, which holds that the Quran is the perfected, preserved, and undoubted Word of Allah, and that the authentic Sunnah of the Prophet œ is a primary source for all Islamic rulings, second only to the Quran.

Credibility

Going back to traditional scholarship: While their foundation is sound, what many unfortunately don’t realize is that their outdated language severely affects whether they are taken seriously or not.

Previously issued fatâwa need to be re-issued with a broader, more comprehensive understanding of the current thoughts and discourses surrounding LGBTQ (Lesbian – Gay – Bisexual – Trans-Gender – Queer/Questioning) matters.

Relevance

While their renewed rulings may end up having the same conclusions (i.e., that homosexual activities are prohibited), the language that is used matters a great deal in terms of how people are able to understand and comprehend the matter.

As it stands, assumptions such as “such people are just seeking attention” do not accurately reflect the situations of many individuals going through these issues.

In other cases, the language used in the fatâwa indicates that the one(s) issuing it were not fully aware of what transgender really means, or the issues surrounding it. (http://islamqa.info/en/138451)

What is Missing

Many fatâwa conflate various aspects of LGBTQ issues without understanding what they mean to begin with, or failing to recognize the differences among them.

• One common issue is assuming that ‘transgendered’ and ‘hermaphrodite’ (or intersexed) are one and the same.

• Another is not knowing or being aware of the discussions surrounding gender and sexuality and how they are (and are not) related.For example, a common belief amongst secular liberals is that “gender is a social construct.” There is also the concept of the ‘gender binary,’ and terms such as ‘CIS,’ ‘male,’ ‘female,’ ‘gender-fluid,’ and ‘agender.’ To effectively respond to all these concepts, those issuing the  fatâwa must be aware of them to begin with.(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cisgender#Origins)

• Something else to be aware of is that there is still no biological (or, for that matter, social and psychological) conclusion as to the ‘causes’ of LGBTQ identities and behaviors.
  Thus, making statements such as “no one is born gay,” or “these are psychological perversions” can very well drive away those who may be struggling with legitimate and serious desires and issues, but are still seeking to understand whether they can be considered Muslim due to their belief in tawḥîd.

Cautions

• Wisdom is needed in discussing these matters, as well as doing research into both the scientific and social/political discussions surrounding them. (http://www.wsj.com/articles/paul-mchugh-transgender-surgery-isnt-the-solution-1402615120)

• It is necessary to avoid being sucked into any particular group’s agenda or to fall for their propaganda, but equally necessary to know the information being provided and disseminated by those groups.At the end of the day, there is not always a need to offer one’s personal opinion regarding a matter, as long as the Islamic ruling is laid out clearly and in an appropriate manner.

2) Lack of Scholarly Engagement and Clarification

Popular Shaykhs in North America have remained largely silent or vague when it comes to LGBTQ matters. When the term ‘transgender’ hit the general public this week, eliciting questions and confusion from many Muslims, very few well known individual speakers and dâ¢is  spoke up (or wrote) about it. This is unfortunate considering that we tend to have a few general categories of positions taken within the Muslim community:

• Those who know the ruling on it already and accept it;

• Those who know the traditional ruling but object on ideological grounds;

• Those who are confused about it but, due to the silence from Muslim leaders, remain unclear both in what the Islamic rulings are and how they are to behave towards LGBTQ individuals.

As to the first group, they are further divided into:

• Those who remain generally silent, and

• Those who go to an extreme and become not only angry, but obsessive on the topic.

Many of the latter throw around offensive slurs and verbally attack and threaten to harm those who identify as LGBTQ. Obviously, the latter behavior is unacceptable and unbecoming of a Muslim; having strong convictions and beliefs does not mean being an abusive jerk.

As for the third group, the silence from scholars – and the lack of research on their part – simply contributes to the rising trend of Muslims who have a very vague or weak foundation in their faith. More and more, as Muslims are bombarded with numerous different messages and agendas from countless angles, there is a weakening of strong scholarly output clearly addressing relevant issues as they come up.

A Current Critical Crisis in our Community

Muslims are being introduced to concepts and ideas that have previously been foreign to them, and without firm (as well as understanding and compassionate) guidance from those with religious knowledge, they are left floundering. To that end, the very idea of a concrete Islamic moral compass has become strange to many, leading them to question previously established and undisputed Islamic rulings that have little difference of opinion.

With regards to LGBTQ issues in general, it should not be so hard to say:

• that yes, the Islamic stance is clear (and to give fiqhi rulings accordingly—incorporating current terminology),
• but that the Islamic stance does not necessitate being harsh and abusive

Public Elucidation by Up-to-Date Islamic Scholars

More knowledgeable Muslim leaders need to be willing to speak about these matters to the public, and be available for answering such questions.

Otherwise, we will find increasing numbers of Muslims falling into the second category of positions taken, that is, those whose moral values are not based upon an Islamic worldview as communicated to us in the Quran and Sunnah, but one which comes from a secular perspective that does not recognize the supremacy of religious authority.

If anything, this perspective denigrates the importance of religion and how it is implemented at a personal and societal level.

Local Leadership in One-on-One Engagement

In addition, local scholars and leaders must be able to engage with those who are themselves struggling with gender and sexual identity. They should be able to understand the discourses surrounding these concepts, and be aware of how delicate and difficult it is for individuals to navigate these inner struggles. They should be able to provide both Islamic rulings as well as guidance defined by wisdom and compassion.

Activating a Cohesive Islamic Authority to Lead the Way

It may seem like a great deal to demand—due to lack of a cohesive Islamic authority in general—but the role of scholars and community leaders in the West is already expanding. Muslims in non-majority Muslim countries especially need to be able to have local leaders to whom they can turn with their questions, without fear of being ignored or turned away.

Now more than ever, we need to see leadership that can respond swiftly and wisely to the issues of the day with strength and nuance. But first of all, we need the engagement of our top scholars with the whole of the LGBTQ issues, culminating in their widely accessible clarification and renewed fatâwa to address specifically the current social context in current terminology.

Hence, again, we see the necessity of dâ¢is who are not only knowledgeable at a theoretical level, but engaged and in touch both with wider the society and with the Muslim community specifically.

IN PART 1 we noted the critical lack of up-to-date fatâwa on the current issues concerning LGBTQ affairs—stemming from a general absence of engagement in the social context of non-Muslim majority countries.

The average Muslim’s understanding is thus hindered, and very possibly his Islamic moral compass is unsupported and under-informed on this point. Our top scholars need to step up to the plate with informed clarification of all such practical matters and our local leaders need to be engaged, one-on-one, with those who may come to them struggling with transgender issues.

Not only does our community need to be educated on LGBTQ concerns and our local leadership trained to counsel individuals in their struggles, but parents also need to be sufficiently informed in order to properly engage with their kids on this hot topic. And that is where we pick up the question again with point #3 below.

LGBTQ is a topic needing new examination and investigation, since, most likely, most of today’s Muslim parents have been totally unexposed to such current issues. It was perhaps a totally irrelevant social issue in their childhood. Today’s Muslim kids need guidance on all moral and behavioral questions, and today’s Muslim parents need to be able to understand the world which their kids must confront and negotiate. Neither parents nor kids should be forced to put their heads in the sand, like the proverbial ostrich, and refuse to accept facing the issues due to a lack in readily-available Islamic guidance.

3) Muslim Parents and Tarbiya

It is unfortunate to see that when it comes to knowing about, understanding, and talking to their children about sensitive issues, many Muslim parents are extremely behind. Although some of them have chosen to live in a non-Muslim country, while others were themselves born and raised in such regions, too many Muslim parents remain dangerously uneducated – sometimes willfully, sometimes out of unconscious incompetence.

Today’s Red Flag for Parents

Either way, the lack of education and proactive discussion is extremely concerning. Muslim parents cannot afford to remain ignorant or in denial about the very real, very relevant issues taking place in the societies where we live. The fact that we have chosen to live in these societies and to raise our children within them means that we cannot use such excuses such as “This doesn’t happen in our countries,” or “My kids don’t know about this,” or “Our parents never spoke to us about this, and we came out just fine.” The fact is, we are not ‘back home,’ our kidsare exposed to a great deal more than we realize, and we do not live in our parents’ time.

The Prophet œ informed us:

The Messenger of Allah œ said: Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The amîr (ruler) who is over the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock; a man is a shepherd in charge of his household and he is responsible for his flock; a woman is a shepherdess in charge of her husband’s house and children and she is responsible for them; and a man’s slave is a shepherd in charge of his master’s property and he is responsible for it. So each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. (Al-Albani, Sunan Abi Dawud 2928, graded Ṣaḥiḥ)

As parents, we are shepherds over our children and will be held accountable regarding them on the Day of Judgment. Their education and their tarbiya (training) is our responsibility, and failing in their tarbiya – or in taking the appropriate measures to provide them with the correct education and training – is a burden we will suffer the consequences of.

We simply cannot afford to live in ignorance of our present world and the reality we live in.

A Double-Whammy for Our Kids

LGBTQ issues are at the forefront in media, pop culture, and even in the classroom. Despite a concerted effort, on the part of the LGBTQ community, to ensure the unwavering support of certain groups and actions, there is the irony that very often, the children are not always clearly educated about the differences among the various issues.

Thus, while kids are often told at school that they must support LGBTQ pride, many don’t know the difference between homosexuality and being transgender. Neither their secular educators nor their Muslim parents take the time to explain what these various labels mean.

For Muslim kids in particular, their parents and their communities are usually at least a decade behind in current events, and so they have a double issue of not knowing what certain terms are currently used to mean, but also not knowing what the Islamic perspective of those matters is—and how their behavior should reflect their attitudes.

What Can We Do as Muslim Parents?

Just as scholars need to be up-to-date with what’s going on in the world, so too do we Muslim parents have to know what our children are being exposed to through media and pop culture. Music videos and magazine covers, movies and social media – we have to know what the headlines are, what is being said and communicated, what messages are being pushed. We need to see for ourselves what they are exposed to.

Once we know what is being taught, we need to be pro-active and teach our children even more – to sit down with them and speak with them frankly about the difference between the values we hold as Muslims, and the ever-changing man-made codes of the world around us.

Overcoming Our Inhibitions for the Sake of our Children

It is necessary for us to emphasize that our morals come not from our own desires or societal norms, but from Allah and His Messenger œ. We also must convey to our kids the need to recognize certain actions and behaviors as sinful, without expressing disrespect or ill manners to those who exhibit those traits.

We ourselves should be educated enough to discuss topics which we may personally feel uncomfortable with, so that we can make our children feel comfortable enough to ask us these questions – and so that we can provide them with the correct answers.

We cannot allow our own discomfort in discussing delicate sexual matters, for example, to get in the way of educating our children as they need to be educated. When we are living in a sexually explicit type of society, we need to take our responsibilities as parents extremely seriously. We cannot complain about the ‘bad influences’ of society, or pretend they don’t exist, and yet constantly put our kids in the line of fire and expect them to emerge unscathed and protected from all fitna. Nor can we then be surprised when they come home having engaged in behavior that we consider ḥarâm. Neither can we accept for them to have a worldview completely dissociated from that of Islam.

Doing Our Own Homework

We absolutely must wake up and realize the reality that we live in, acknowledge the issues that exist, make an effort to educate ourselves and understand these matters as clearly as possible, and acquaint ourselves with and reaffirm what the Shari¢ah has to say.

At the end of the day, we must understand – for ourselves and our children – what Allah and His Messenger say about these matters. It may not be politically correct or conform to the popular stance of the day, but it does conform to the concept of Divine Justice, the standard to which we will be held on the Day of Judgment. It is from within this paradigm, this worldview, that we must evaluate everything that is going on around us; and it is based upon the Divine standards for our behavior that we must act.

It’s as simple as that.

It is not for a believing man or a believing woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decided a matter, that they should [thereafter] have any choice about their affair. [Sûrat Al-Aḥzâb, 33:36]

How To Approach Our Children

As a parent myself who has already had to explain the concept of transgender and homosexual to my 5 year old daughter – simply because we live in an environment where it is quite common to see such individual—I have some advice to offer in terms of how parents can begin to discuss this issues with their children:

• For younger children who notice certain behaviors and ask questions, it is important to be very honest and frank with them, while keeping in mind age-appropriate language. It is also important to be aware of one’s body language and tone of voice, as that can affect how your child understands your answer.”Why is that man dressed like a woman?” is an example of a question that a young child might ask. Ideally, a good response would be along the following lines: “Some people feel that they prefer to dress up in the clothing of the opposite gender. Sometimes, they feel that they were born in the wrong type of body and that they are actually women in men’s bodies, or the other way around. Allah told us that it’s not allowed for Muslims to do that, so we don’t do it. But even though we disagree with what other people do, that doesn’t mean we are allowed to be rude or disrespectful to them.”

• With older children, it is a good idea to have family meetings or discuss the day’s events at dinnertime or any other scheduled daily family gathering. Ask them about what they have heard and learned at school, offer them your own insights or questions about what is new in pop culture and the media, and establish open, honest communication.Remind them regularly that what Muslims consider acceptable or not is based on what Allah informed us in the Quran and Sunnah, as He is the All-Knowing and All-Wise. Encourage them to ask questions, no matter how ‘taboo’ or ‘sensitive,’ and provide them with well researched, Islamicly correct answers.

In this way, the children will experience a safe and Islamically sound environment in which to discuss these issues.

The Ramadan of the Solitary

So much of Ramadan is communal - from family suhoors to group iftaars, the thronging crowds of Taraweeh - that we tend to forget those for whom Ramadan is a truly solitary experience.

Whether it is because of distance or access to the masjid, being single (or a single parent) or chronically ill, or a myriad of other factors, there are those who wake before Fajr in silence; those who break their fasts with only the companionship of recorded qurraa' reciting their favourite adhaan or surah or dua; those whose qiyaam is witnessed only by the angels and Allah, performed in a private corner of their home instead of amongst fellow Muslims at the center of the community.

For some, it is a painful thing, to have one's alone-ness feel so poignant at this time of year. For others, it is accepted and welcome, a time to have their lives stripped down to its bare essence: reliance upon Allah alone, whether for sustenance or for company.

It is in isolation at these precious moments that we may, in fact, have an advantage - there is no rushing about to feed others or be responsible for their needs, there is merely ourselves and our worship to our Lord. Even so, it is not always easy.

To those of us experiencing a much more community-oriented Ramadan, don't forget those who are unable to do so.
At the very least, make du'a for those believers scattered in our Ummah like stars who have no constellation to belong to; pray that their faith and their worship are purified, strengthened, and accepted; know that for all that they may be strangers to you in this world, they seek to be your neighbours in Jannah.

Lollipops, Hijabs, & the 'Ideal Muslimah'

Regarding those who think that the lollipop/hijab analogy isn't a big deal, or that people who object to it simply don't get the point of analogies:

1) We understand what analogies are. We understand their uses. We also understand that there is such thing as a good analogy, and a bad analogy.
(Examples of bad analogies:
http://www.jimcarlton.com/bad_analogies.htm
http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/5-morons-who-pulled-offensive-analogies-out-their-ass/)

2) The lollipop analogy is particularly offensive because of what it implies. The image shows a wrapped lollipop - i.e. a woman in hijab, who is ostensibly clean and undamaged - and an unwrapped lollipop that is covered in dirt and surrounded by flies - i.e. a woman not in hijab, who is dirty and attracting filth (men).

Even if one plays along and agrees to the premise that hijab is primarily (or solely) to protect women from men, the analogy is still quite dangerous. Why? Because a hijabed 'lollipop' is considered worthy and desirable, and an unwrapped lollipop is considered - literally - garbage to be discarded.
Thus, the analogy does nothing to say that a woman in hijab will be protected. It implies very heavily that a woman in hijab is desired (everyone would love a wrapped lollipop!) but that a woman who does not wear hijab is NOT desirable and is dirty and is, essentially, worthless and to be despised.

Again - even assuming that one agrees with the sentiment that hijab is about protecting women from men - this is, at the very least, a disturbing way to speak about any human being, let alone one's sister in Islam.

3) Using analogies is great to get a point across - except that we also need to recognize that the way certain analogies are used, and the context they're used in, also contribute to something more.
In the case of the lollipop analogy, it has contributed and exacerbated the attitude that hijab *is* primarily about 'warding off men', and stripping it of all other nuance and reasoning (including what Allah mentioned in the Qur'an, i.e. that it is also a form of identity for the Muslim woman, and obviously, that it is an act of worship).

Just a brief look at the comments section of these memes will show how so many Muslims - men and women alike - truly believe that hijab is the be-all and end-all definition for what a good Muslim woman is, that it is the only yardstick by which a woman's self worth or piety revolves around.

Other analogies such as the flowers and pearls/diamonds are not as offensive as the lollipop one (in that there is no equating un-hijabed women with being garbage), but still contribute to unhealthy ideas about Muslim women, their self-worth, and their role in society is (that they are *all* delicate - or should be if they aren't, and if they aren't, that they are lacking in femininite; that they are to be seen - but only in a certain way - and not heard; that they are not meant to contribute in any other capacity than a domestic one).

The lollipop one, however, remains hands-down the most disgusting and offensive analogy I have seen in terms of how it refers to women.

4) It is very, very easy for men to tell anti-lollipop folks (and I mean lollipop in the metaphorical sense, obviously) that we are exaggerating - because they themselves have never experienced firsthand what it is to be told that your entire self-worth as a human being depends on whether you are covered, how you are covered, and what you are covered with.

As an example -
I wear niqab and in the time that I once had a picture of myself on FB - in black abayah, niqab, half-gloves, a jacket, and sunglasses - I received numerous comments telling me that I wasn't wearing "real" hijab because I was 'attracting too much attention.' Despite the fact that I am a writer who posts almost daily on a wide variety of topics, people felt compelled to comment solely on on this one aspect - my image.

I found it annoying, but I have more to worry about than what people think of my image. Yet it also made me realize how much more other Muslim women go through on a daily basis - how pressured they are, how they are made to feel that their entire worth depends solely upon how they look, instead of a myriad of other factors.

5) It is necessary to know that for many, many years, a significant percentage of Islamic books and lectures about "women in Islam" pushed forward a very shallow, narrow, and restricted view of Muslim women.
The 'ideal Muslimah' was described as being a woman solely dedicated to the domestic sphere; a woman who is quiet, meek, and delicate; that her only desires revolve around her husband and her family.

There is, of course, nothing wrong whatsoever with a woman who does match that description. The problem arises when women who do *not* fit those characteristics are looked down on, viewed as and spoken about as lacking in faith and 'true femininity.' These women are considered to be inferior and less valuable as members of the Ummah, simply because they do not fit a certain definition.
Unfortunately, we forget that even the wives and female Companions of RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) varied from each other in personality and demeanour. Women such as A'ishah and Hafsah (radhiAllahu 'anhunna) were forthright and outspoken; others, such as Fatimah bint RasulAllah and Maymunah bint al-Haarith were much more demure and private. Both categories of women, both types of women, were beloved to Allah and recognized as greater than all others simply because their Taqwa was what He cared about most - not that they should have all been cookie cutter replicates of each other.

It is this history and baggage that many Muslim women carry today. We have heard these messages for so long and had them shoved down our throats to the point that many of us have questioned whether we have any worth in the Sight of Allah.

It is not enough to say that "not all men" carry such an unhealthy attitude about Muslim women, because the sad fact is that many of them - a significant proportion of them - do. What's worse is that many of them have only the best intentions and do not actually intend to be hurtful or offensive. It is precisely because of this that we should encourage a stop to the use of lollipop (and other) analogies - to help our brothers in Islam realize that such a reductive attitude does nothing to foster goodwill and harmony between Muslims, but merely exacerbates antagonistic feelings and behaviours.

Rather than spend further time arguing as to whether it is okay or not to use analogies that compare women to objects, we should be channeling our energy on how to view each other - men and women alike - as more than one-dimensional creatures whose value depends solely upon one single behaviour or item of clothing.
Instead, let us take the time to overcome our own inner biases and strive to see each other as human beings with both strengths and flaws, weaknesses and abilities. Let us try to embody the best description of believers as Allah mentioned in the Qur'an:

{The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those - Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.} (Qur'an 9:71)

Women =/= Lollipops

Just in case someone wasn't aware.
*shrugs*

"For me, niqab is a feminist statement."

My piece for AJ+


I’m a writer, a feminist, and an orthodox Muslim (Salafi, to be precise).

I have a fondness for all that is goth, (steam)punk, and Batman. I’m obsessed with leather biker jackets. I’m loud, somewhat annoying, and absent-minded.

And I wear niqab.

To me, niqab is a very feminist statement. By covering my face, by obscuring my physical features from those around me, I am saying: “I alone own my body, and you have no right to me.” My words, my actions, and my mind take precedence over my body, and no one can coerce me otherwise. Wearing niqab does not erase me from society. Rather, it gives me the freedom to engage in it on my own terms, without being bound by others’ demands.

It is the ultimate act of ownership and empowerment.

And I’m fiercely proud of it.

But living in Canada, I get questioned a lot about my choice to wear niqab. My dad grew up in Canada, and my grandparents have lived here for more than 40 years. I’m as Canadian as they come—not despite the fact that I wear niqab, but because of it. The Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, which guarantees me the right to dress the way I please, was taught to me at a young age. It’s ingrained in me. Knowing about it gave me the extra boost of confidence I needed when I chose to wear the niqab seven years ago. I felt secure in the knowledge that no one could ever accuse me of breaking the law, or that I didn’t know what it meant to be Canadian.

“You know you’re in Canada now,” people still say to me in a patronizing tone.

“I know,” I reply coolly. “That’s precisely why I’m wearing what I want to.”

One woman grimaced with distaste at me recently, asking,

“But why do you have to wear all that black?”

“Because I’m goth,” I deadpanned.

No, my entire identity doesn’t rest on the fact that I cover my face and body when I go out. I prefer not to focus on the way I dress, but find myself speaking and writing about it often. I usually end up talking about the legal and social repercussions of niqab, but it’s about a lot more than that for me.

I grew up watching my mother wearing niqab. But my parents didn’t allow me to wear it until I did my own research and considered the meaning and consequences of wearing it. When I put one on, it was with utter conviction that it was something I not only wanted, but needed. It was a reflection and extension of my identity, without being the sum of my existence.

The niqab is more than just a piece of cloth or a political claim. It’s a spiritual statement, an act of worship that I hold between myself and God. It’s not that I consider myself superior to others by wearing it– just the opposite. There are numerous others whose acts of worship may supersede my own. Wearing niqab is one act that I can consistently carry out, and I pray that it brings me at least a little bit closer to God, and to Jannah (paradise).

There are those who ask: “Why, if it’s an act of worship, don’t Muslim men wear it?” And, “Don’t you know that it’s not even a part of Islam?” And there are those who say that I am further sexualizing myself by shrouding.

To them I say: If you really care about my religiosity, research it. But don’t you dare assume I am ignorant about my own faith or that I don’t know what I’m doing or why. As for my sexuality, that’s my own damn business.

The lives of niqabi women do not revolve around our niqabs… and we are not all that mysterious. Some of us are quite open about our activities and even our dress on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. On social media I joke about the difficulties of “matching all my blacks” (the elements of my clothing: abayah, hijab and niqab); the horror of realizing that I wore my niqab backwards (yes, there really is a right way and a wrong way to wear it!); and that very Canadian problem of getting powdered sugar from my Timbits all over myself and my 5-year-old daughter.

Most of my time is spent doing what I love most, reading and writing about women in Islam. I study historical female figures and challenge cultural Muslim ideas about female sexuality and gender roles. I care deeply about the Muslim community and I’m troubled by the many issues we are plagued with. I strive to put my ideas into action by in my local community, including a series of workshops I’ve developed titled #MuslimSexEd.

I can also be found wandering around downtown taking too many pictures and spending too much money on accessories I buy solely because they make my niqabi outfit look awesome.

In contrast to all this, media and pop culture portray a very different image of what a niqabi woman is, or looks like. Stock photos of “Muslim women” and “niqab” yield a plethora of images that are neither realistic nor practical. The one thing these images have in common is they are almost always taken by non-Muslim photographers, or solely of women in Eastern countries.

AP photographer Hassan Ammar is the latest in a series of lazy efforts to capitalize on niqab-wearing Muslim women… without having to actually engage those women. For others, like Khloe Kardashian, “dressing up” in niqab is a way to up the hypersexual ante. The appropriation of niqab for “artistic purposes” is offensive. We’ve had enough. In France we face steep fines for covering our faces in public. Elsewhere in Europe, the UK, and North America, niqabis face verbal and physical abuse from strangers.

We do not all wear the same black uniform or exaggerated eyeliner. We are not oppressed victims, or brainwashed “Islamists.” We do not need others to speak for us or over us, pretending to tell our stories when we have our own voices and our own cameras, and are fully capable of documenting our lives.

And we are doing so.

Hawwaa': Vicegerent Upon the Earth

{Behold, thy Lord said to the angels: "I will create a vicegerent on Earth."} (Qur’an 2:30)

When we read this verse, many of us automatically think about the creation of Prophet Âdam (‘alayhissalaam), the dominance of humankind on our planet, and even the formal position of Khalifah of the Islamic State – yet how many of us think about this verse and how it applies to Hawwaa’ (‘alayhassalaam) – or, indeed, all womankind – in the same capacity?

Allah describes the creation of humankind in Surah an-Nisaa as being ‘min nafsin waahidah’ – from a single soul – and from each soul, its zawj – its partner, its mate, its equal. Whenever Hawwaa’ (‘alayhassalaam) is mentioned in the Qur’an, it is in partnership with her perfect mate, Âdam (‘alayhissalaam). It is also interesting to note that the word ‘nafs’ in Arabic is linguistically feminine, and the fact that every human fetus originates as a female before growing and ‘becoming’ male.
Hawwaa’ was the first human woman in all of existence, just as Adam was the first human man.

They were both created for a specific purpose, and both endowed with a unique intelligence… which is one of the reasons for which the Shaytaan resents all humankind and is dedicated to misleading both men and women.
From the very beginning, even while they were still living in Jannah, Adam and Hawwaa’ were given the same set of instructions:

{And We said, "O Adam, dwell, you and your wife, in Paradise and eat therefrom in [ease and] abundance from wherever you will. But do not approach this tree, lest you be among the wrongdoers."} (Qur’an 2:35)

When, inevitably, they both succumbed to Iblees’s whispers, they did so not because Hawwaa’ lured Adam into it, nor because Adam commanded Hawwaa’ to follow his lead. Rather, they both had free will and the agency to make their own decisions. Adam and Hawwaa’ made an independent choice to eat from the forbidden tree – and they were both held individually accountable for their actions. As soon as they realized what they had done, both Adam and Hawwaa’ turned to Allah in repentance:

{They said, "Our Lord, we have wronged ourselves, and if You do not forgive us and have mercy upon us, we will surely be among the losers."} (Qur’an 7:23)

Allah accepted their repentance, but He also decreed that they would still experience a consequence.

{We said, "Go down from it (Paradise), all of you. And when guidance comes to you from Me, whoever follows My guidance - there will be no fear concerning them, nor will they grieve.} (Qur’an 2:38)

Thus did the first humans descend upon Earth, thereupon to establish themselves as guardians and caretakers of this planet.

Hawwaa’ was never considered to merely be Adam’s meek, subservient shadow, but rather, as a human being who was spiritually equal to her male counterpart. As we can see from the verses, Hawwaa’ was also given a specific command that she chose to disobey; she also recognized her mistake, and repented sincerely. She did not go through her husband to turn to her Lord, but rather took responsibility for her own actions and made her own effort to beg Allah for His Forgiveness. Furthermore, Hawwaa’ was also made to experience the consequences of her actions, by being sent down to Earth along with Adam.

From all of this, it is clear that Hawwaa’ was never a silent bystander, but rather, created to be an active participant –a human being with intelligence, agency, and responsibilities. Hawwaa’ is symbolic of all women: Allah did not create us to stand aside and observe or to simply float and be moved by the currents of our male partners; but rather, to be individuals who are capable of making their own choices in life, and to be held accountable for our actions.

In short, women were created to be vicegerents on the Earth – a vital, necessary part of a global Ummah of believers dedicated to worshipping Allah alone, obeying His commands, seeking His Pleasure, and establishing justice wherever we may be. Like Hawwaa’, we have been given duties and responsibilities as khalifah – and it is up to us to carry them out in a fitting manner, to fulfill our role as vicegerent of the Earth in a way that will guarantee our entrance into Jannah, where we will meet Hawwaa’ (‘alayhassalaam), making her proud of the generations of heroines who maintained her legacy.

#ForgottenHeroines 

Gheerah & Qawaamah - Between Misogyny and Ihsaan

'Gheerah' and 'qawaamah' are two terms which elicit a variety of reactions - on one extreme, they're used to browbeat women into complete silence and diminish their own self-worth, and on the other, they are derided as being misogynistic and antithetical to all women with self-respect.

The issue, however, is less that of the actual concepts of gheerah (honourable protectiveness) and qawaamah (committed responsibility based on justice) than how they've been co-opted, misinterpreted, and abused - and, even amongst those who have not used them to abuse, there has been poor communication and explanation of those terms.

While I have discussed each term in detail and in separate articles, I did want to emphasize that what we don't seem to understand is that within an Islamic context, both gheerah and qawaamah are meant to facilitate stronger, happier, and healthier marriages.

When gheerah is displayed by a man for his wife, it shouldn't be done in a controlling, irrational manner that has nothing behind it except a negative type of possessiveness. Men and women both have preferences for their spouses - and instead of viewing it as a competition for control, it should be seen as a sign of love, care, and concern for each other.

Rather than 'laying the smackdown,' if a man cares about his marriage, he should actually communicate with his wife *why* he has certain preferences and requests. Even if she doesn't agree with them, the very act of communication and discussion (assuming that, too, is done healthily) will engender positivity and an appreciation for the concern being displayed.
Men should also keep in mind that just as they make requests of their wives, they ought to respect their wives' requests of them - as Abdullah ibn 'Abbas (radhiAllahu 'anhu) said, "I love to do for my wife as I expect her to do for me."

When qawaamah is correctly implemented as well (and I shall forbear from using analogies such as 'CEO of the household' or going into detail over my own specialized theory about it......... ahem), and when a man has sincere intentions to *not* abuse his power, it is highly unlikely that a woman would become resentful.
To the contrary, a competent qawwaam is the type of man who earns respect from those around him - a man who does not flaunt his authority, but ensures that his wife knows that she is respected in turn and considered to be a meaningful partner in their relationship and their household.

The concepts of gheerah and qawaamah are not something we should be ashamed about, but something we *do* need to be aware about and implement correctly.

I for one understand all too well why and how many women have an averse reaction to the very idea of these words - the Muslim Ummah has far too many brutal examples of the abuse committed in the names of gheerah and qawaamah.

Unfortunately, too many people of knowledge and authority have also remained silent in the face of this abuse and done little to alleviate it, choosing to place greater importance on the authority of irresponsible, oppressive men than on the need to enforce 'adl (justice) in the Ummah.

One cannot throw around words like qawaamah and gheerah without linking them to, and emphasizing, the need for Ihsaan that comes with them. We cannot have lectures about 'the ideal Islamic marriage' and tell women to accept the unconditional authority of men without first addressing the men themselves - ingraining in them the severity of what the position of qawaamah entails, and the brutal consequences in the Aakhirah for abusing it.

The Qur'an speaks about marriage in positive terms - why else would words such as 'mawaddah' and 'rahmah' be used? - and we cannot isolate related terms and concepts from the holistic approach that was embodied in the life of RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam).

Allah wishes only good for us - He wants our relationships with each other to be based on love for Him, and compassion with each other - and only by understanding these types of ideas in such a light will we be able to move forward from shallow, one-dimensional, and frankly dangerous interpretations and towards something which exemplifies the spirit of Islam.

Qawaamah: The Essence of Masculinity

Originally published in Al-Jumu'ah Magazine (click here)

AMONG THE SEVERAL âyât that are considered points of contention amongst Muslims and non-Muslims alike, one stands out in particular:

Al-rijâlu qawwâmûna ʿala al-nisâ’i… [Sûrat Al-Nisâ’, 4:34] [1]

Commonly translated as ‘men have a degree over them’ or ‘men are in charge over them,’ this verse is often quoted when discussing the social and domestic duties and responsibilities of each gender. While it is used to establish male authority, it is also unfortunately misused to discourage women from speaking out or seeking an end to family disputes or even abuse.

There are numerous arguments that seek to define or describe the position of a qawwâm. What, truly, is the ‘degree’ that men are given by Allah Himself?

How We Proceed

First and foremost, before looking at the specific âyah, we must establish the foundation upon which we address any issue. We can never start any discussion about the Quran without the understanding that it is complete and perfect, without fault. The Quran is a gift from Allah to all of humanity, for all time; each and every verse is a blessing, and a source of great knowledge and wisdom, the depths of which will never truly be known completely by any one individual:

This is the Book about which there is no doubt, a guidance for those conscious of Allah.  [Sûrat Al-Baqarah, 2:2]

And if whatever trees upon the earth were pens and the sea [were ink], replenished thereafter by seven [more] seas, the words of Allah would not be exhausted. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.  [Sûrat Al-Luqmân, 31:27]

The words of Allah are not to be questioned in terms of their validity – whatever has been sent down in the Quran has been truly preserved with absolute perfection:

Indeed, it is We who sent down the Quran and indeed, We will be its guardian. [Sûrat Al- Ḥijr, 15:9]

With regards to how these Divine Verses are interpreted, however, it is much more than simply taking the words of Allah and making them mean whatever we wish them to say. Whenever we find Muslims committing sins or mistakes and then trying to justify them by using the Quran or Sunnah, we must know that the fault is never with the Words of Allah or His Messenger œ. Rather, the fault lies with fallible human beings who have both good and bad intentions, and who are influenced by their own time and culture.

Rather, there is a very systematic method that has been used since the time of the Messenger Muhammad œ himself. The process begins with the tafsîr of the Quran by the Quran itself, tafsîr of the Quran by the aḥâdîth of RasûlAllâh œ, tafsîr of the Quran by the Âthâr (sayings of the Companions), and tafsîr of the Quran by linguistics.[2]

The scope of this article will be limited to reviewing the linguistic meanings of the word, and taking a brief look at extant tafâsîr regarding the verse.

Q – W – M

From a literary perspective, the word qawwâm is rich with meaning, both literal and figurative. As ʿÂishah described, it was truly lived according to its full potential by the Messenger of Allah œ, whose character was the living embodiment of the Quran.

The root letters of the word Qawwâm derive from qâf, wâw, mîm – related to Allah’s Name, Al-Qayyûm. It’s also related to the word ‘qâma’ – to stand. When ‘qâmu’ is used in the Quran, such as in Surat Al-Kahf, there is a figurative meaning to it as well; mufâssirîn have said that it means to have a strong and firm intention, to have an unshakeable commitment. [3]

Thus, when men are described as ‘qawwâm’ towards women, it is an expression of how firmly committed and dedicated they are. Shaykh Al-Sha’rawi mentioned that the qawwâm of men with women is not limited to husbands with their wives, but rather, with all men towards all women.

The most obvious examples begin at home, such as fathers with their daughters, brothers with their sisters, and even sons with their mothers. In a more general context, it is that men are expected to deal with women in a truly sincere and dedicated manner, by looking out for their best interests, interacting with them regularly, and striving to protect them and assist them.

‘Qawwâm‘ projects an attitude of nobility and dignity towards women, one which respects them as fully capable human beings. This type of mentality both emphasizes and encourages healthy social relationships that begin at home and extend to the public sphere, thus ensuring a community that cooperates on a basis of goodwill.

Another figurative meaning of the word is exemplified in the form, qâ’imah:  to be persistent; thus, the commitment of men towards women is not an occasional thing, but a regular pattern. A father’s interest in his daughter is not momentary, but consistent on a daily basis. He is truly concerned with her well-being, is involved in her upbringing, and is a source of support and happiness for her. A son does not take his mother for granted, but is attentive towards her and sensitive to her needs. A husband is attuned to his wife, understands her personality and what she goes through on a daily basis, behaves with her in a manner that embodies both honor and respect, and connects with her regularly so as to grant her satisfaction and fulfillment in their marriage.

Masculine Commitment Exemplified

This commitment and persistence is not only emotional, but one that has another goal – that of encouraging and upholding justice, and correcting an individual who may stray from appropriate speech or behavior. A qawwâm is aware of that which is both pleasing and displeasing to Allah, and is both quick and wise in how he advises and rectifies those under his care.

The best example of how a man can advise a woman is the example of RasûlAllâh œ with his wives. There were several incidents during which RasûlAllâh œ reprimanded his wives for speaking in a manner that he did not approve of. Though his approach was firm, it carried weight—not due to harshness, but due to the fact that he was already loved and respected by them because of how he conducted himself with them on a regular basis. In fact, the very way in which he would correct their behavior was such that it engendered even greater affection and awe for his character.

For example, ʿÂisha narrates the following:

A group of Jews entered upon the Prophet œ and said: “Al-Sâmu ʿAlaikum,” (i.e. death be upon you). I understood it and said: “Wa ʿAlaikum Al-Sâmu w’l-laʿn (death and the curse of Allah be upon you).” Allah’s Messenger œ said: “Be calm, O ʿÂisha! Allah loves that one should be kind and lenient in all matters.” I said: “O Allah’s Messenger œ! Haven’t you heard what they (the Jews) have said?” He said: “I have (already) said (to them): “And upon you!” [4]

Also:

[The Prophet’s wife] Ṣafiyya heard that Ḥafṣa [Ṣafiyya’s co-wife] had said [about her]: ‘The daughter of a Jew'; so she wept. Then the Prophet œ entered upon her while she was crying, so he said: ‘What makes you cry?’ She said: ‘Ḥafṣa said to me that I am ‘the daughter of a Jew.’ So the Prophet œ said: ‘And you are the daughter of a Prophet, and your uncle is a Prophet, and you are married to a Prophet, so what is she boasting to you about?’ Then he said: ‘Fear Allah, O Ḥafṣa.'”  [5]

Interplay With Emotion

Yet another facet of the word qawwâm is that it overlaps in meaning with the word thabât – steadfastness, to be reliable, to be calm and not easily swayed or agitated. In this particular meaning is a great deal of wealth to be reaped, for it is this meaning which, if embodied fully, raises men to be truly excellent in their roles as qawwâm.

To be qawwâm is to make a conscious effort to put aside strong, passionate emotion, to step back and behave in a manner that reflects maturity and wisdom. Instead of allowing himself to be overwhelmed by his feelings – whether positive or negative – a man who epitomizes thabât is one who acts in a way that doesn’t automatically incline towards his own desires or wants, but in accord with justice. As mentioned in several tafâsîr, including Tafsîr Kashf Al-Asrâr and Tafsîr Al-Qushairi, men were given the position of qawwâm specifically because they are considered to be capable of that level of responsible behavior.

Tafsîr Al-Qushairi says:

[Allah] singled out men for strength and then increased their burden, for burden is [assigned] in accordance with strength. [6]

Tafsîr Kashf Al-Asrâr elaborates further:

He [Allah] gave the men more than the women because the burden is all on them, for theirs is the perfection of strength and the eminence of aspiration. They carry burdens measurable to [their] strength or measurable to [their] aspiration…Resolutions are made measurable to the folk of resoluteness.[7]

For example, one of the reasons that men were given the power of ṭalâq was because they are expected to be mature enough not to abuse the power.

Misuse of Responsibility

Unfortunately today, we see much the opposite – where some men allow their emotions to overwhelm and control them, such that they declare divorce (ṭalâq) over petty matters, and then try to avoid the consequences by claiming that they weren’t ‘in their right minds.’

In many other common cases, men will indulge in abusing their womenfolk, whether verbally and physically or by violating their Sharʿi-rights, and claim justification because they are qawwâm and believe that they are allowed to do whatever they see fit. Too many men believe that their power is unrestricted and that they are given license to privileges without any accompanying responsibility.

In short, the position of qawwâm has been warped into a twisted sense of male entitlement devoid of consequences or obligation to others.

More coming in Qawâma: the Essence of Masculinity (2), inshâ’Allah.

———————————

[1] http://quran.com/4/34

[2] Usool al-Tafseer by Dr. Abu Aminah Bilal Philips, pages 19-23

[3] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyC_9B6L8L8

[4] http://sunnah.com/tirmidhi/42/14

[5] http://sunnah.com/urn/637820

[6]http://main.altafsir.com/Tafasir.asp?tMadhNo=0&tTafsirNo=108&tSoraNo=4&tAyahNo=34&tDisplay=yes&UserProfile=0&LanguageId=2

[7]http://main.altafsir.com/Tafasir.asp?tMadhNo=0&tTafsirNo=109&tSoraNo=4&tAyahNo=34&tDisplay=yes&UserProfile=0&LanguageId=2



http://aljumuah.com/qawama-the-essence-of-masculinity-part-1/

Another Man's Daughter

There is a huge stigma in the Muslim community regarding the remarriage of widows and divorcees, especially those with children. Many Muslim men, whether they themselves are divorced/widowed or not, will shy away from considering remarriage with a woman who has been previously married, and more so when there are children involved. There is a sense that these women aren't 'good enough' and that marrying them is somehow inferior to marrying a woman who has never been married before.

When Abu Salamah (radhiAllahu 'anhu) passed away, Umm Salamah (radhiAllahu 'anha) already had several children - Salamah and 'Umar, and was pregnant with yet another. For most Muslim men today, considering a previously married woman with one child for marriage is seen as alarming, never mind three or more! There appears to be some sort of revulsion at the idea of caring for "another man's children." However, neither Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) nor his Sahabah ever expressed this type of attitude.

When Umm Salamah’s ‘iddah ended by giving birth to her daughter, Zaynab bint Abi Salamah, Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) - fully aware of her situation - proposed to her. When Umm Salamah pointed out that she had several children to take care of, Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa salam) reassured her with the simple words: "Your children are my children." (Narrated by an-Nasa’i)

Those words were not spoken meaninglessly. While Zaynab bint Abi Salamah never grew up with her biological father, she was raised by a man who was her father in every other way - Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam). It isnarrated that whenever Rasool Allah r came to visit Umm Salamah, one of the first things he would do is ask, "Where is our Zinaab?" ('Zinaab' was an endearment for the name 'Zaynab').

One narration states that when she was young, her mother asked her to attend to Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) while he was making wudhu. When she entered, Rasool Allah sprinkled her face with the water from his ablutions, and for the rest of her life, she remained looking youthful, barely revealing any signs of aging.

Zaynab’s bond with Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) was evident to others as well. Her uncle ‘Ammar used to pick her in his arms and say: “She is the one who has come between the Prophet r and his family.” (i.e. She was distracting him and keeping him busy as he used to give her a lot of attention.)

Once, RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) was playing with his grandsons Hassan and Husayn (radhiAllahu 'anhum) in the house of Umm Salamah, while Umm Salamah and Zaynab were present. Overcome with love, he held them and made the following du'a: "May Allah exalt you, yaa Ahlul Bayt!"
Umm Salamah began to cry, and RasulAllah asked her what was wrong. "O Messenger of Allah, what about us?" she exclaimed. Understanding what she meant, RasulAllah gathered Umm Salamah and Zaynab in his arms and said, "You are part of my family, you are part of Ahlul Bayt!"

Imagine growing up in an environment knowing not only that your mother was the wife of the Messenger of Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam), but to have him in your life as a father-figure, someone who was there literally from the first moments of your life, someone who cared for you as his own child, of whom your first memory is the endearing nickname he gave you? Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) was much more than just a stepfather to Zaynab bint Abi Salamah - In the true sense of the word, he was her father.

The effect that Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) had on Zaynab bint Abi Salamah was an incredible one. Not only did he impact her emotionally by being a loving father-figure and providing a stable family environment, but she was also affected spiritually. How could she not when she grew up witnessing the Wahy (revelation) being revealed, when he would wake up his entire household to pray Qiyaam al-Layl in Ramadhan, when she heard his Divinely inspired words straight from his lips?

Zaynab bint Abi Salamah grew up to be a direct reflection of the environment she grew up in. She narrated seven ahadith directly from Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam), and she also narrated from others amongst the sahabah, in particular, her stepmothers, the other wives of Rasool Allah, such as ‘A;ishah (radhiAllahu 'anha), Umm Habibah (radhiAllahu 'anha) and others.

Zaynab quickly grew to become known as an incredible scholar of Madinah, particularly in the field of fiqh. The famous Imam among the Tabi’un, Abu Rafi’ al-Sa’igh, referred to her as the most knowledgeable woman of her time on many occasions. Amongst her students were her son Abu ‘Ubaydah, Muhammad bin ‘Amr bin ‘Ata, ‘Irak bin Malik, Humaid bin Nafi’, her foster-brother ‘Urwah bin al-Zubayr, Imam Zain-ul-‘Abidin ‘Ali bin al-Hussain, ‘Amr bin Shu’ayb, al-Qasim bin Muhammad, Abu Qilabah, Salamah bin Abdur Rahman and others.

One particular incident demonstrated the true breadth of her patience as well as her wisdom. During the Hurrah (a rebellion against the governor of Madinah) in the reign of Yazid bin Mu’awiyah, she lost two of her sons in battle. On hearing the news, she proved herself to be a mountain in sabr as well as a true faqihah (scholar of fiqh). Holding her dead son before her, Zainab said: “To God we belong and to Him we return! As for the first, he didn’t fight anyone but was ambushed and killed in his home. For him I am hopeful of Jannah. But the other one fought, and I am not aware what his intention was in fighting, and so the travesty for me is even greater in his loss (as I don’t know in what condition he met His Lord).”

Truly, Zaynab bint Abi Salamah was a heroine not only in her time, but for all time.
SubhanAllah, all of this was because Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) chose to marry Umm Salamah (radhiAllahu 'anha), a widow with several young children.

Nor was Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) alone in his practice of welcoming the children of previously married women into his family and raising them with as much love and affection as his own children. When Ja’far ibn Abi Talib (radhiAllahu 'anhu) was martyred, he had a number of young children with his wife, Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays (radhiAllahu 'anha). Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) himself assured Asmaa’ of her children’s safety and security. As an answer to the promise of Rasool Allah, Abu Bakr (radhiAllahu 'anhu) proposed to Asmaa’, and the sons of Ja’far ibn Abi Talib were thus raised in the household of Abu Bakr.

Not only was Abu Bakr willing to care for them as his own children, but he was also in fact honoured to do so. The children of Ja’far were granted the double blessing of not only having a martyr, beloved to Allah and His Messenger (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam), as their biological father, but to also have the greatest of the sahabah as their stepfather.

While blended families are becoming more and more common in society in general, they are still relatively rare and even taboo in Muslim communities. Even if both a man and woman agree to such a marriage, the family pressure and community scepticism can be overwhelming.
The idea of a man raising another man’s children is looked down upon and criticised, yet it is precisely those men who had the courage to do so, men such as Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) and Abu Bakr (radhiAllahu 'anhu), who were responsible for raising these children to become some of the greatest heroes and heroines of Islamic history.

It is high time that we embrace this Sunnah, not only acknowledging the challenges that inevitably accompany it, but the incredible rewards and payoff for doing so, in both this world and the Hereafter. Who knows? It could likely be the children raised in such a way are the very thing to bring us to the gates of Jannah.

Sources
Usud al-Ghabah fi Ma’rifat as-Sahabah
al-Istiy’ab
al-Isabah
Tabaqat Ibn Sa’d
(With special thanks to a generous brother - who wishes to remain anonymous - for translating the original biographies.)

Zainab bint Younus (AnonyMouse/ The Salafi Feminist) is a young woman who finds constant inspiration in the lives of the Sahabiyaat and other great women in Islamic history. She hopes that every Muslimah is able to identify with the struggles of these inspirational women and follow in their footsteps to become a part of a new generation of powerful Muslim women. She blogs at http://www.thesalafifeminist.blogspot.com

A Sexual Revolutionary

As Muslims, many of us are caught between two extremes: a culture of hypersexualisation that trivialises and belittles the value of sex, turning intimacy into something crude and vulgar; and a 'back home' culture where everything that is romantic, sexual and intimate is made forbidden and shameful.

This attitude, however, is completely contrary to the Islamic attitude towards sex, displayed by members of the Sahabiyyaat such as Umm Sulaym.
Umm Salama relates that Umm Sulaym came to the Messenger of Allah and said, “O Messenger of Allah, Surely, Allah is not shy of the truth. Is it necessary for a woman to take a ritual bath after she has a wet dream?” The Messenger of Allah replied: “Yes, if she notices a discharge.” Umm Salama covered her face and asked, “O Messenger of Allah! Does a woman have a discharge?” He replied: “Yes, let your right hand be in dust [an Arabic expression said light-heartedly to someone whose statement you contradict], how does the son resemble his mother?” (Sahih al-Bukhari)

Many Muslim women are pressured into denying their sexuality, or fully being able to explore and acknowledge it, even within their marriage. Cultural double standards that make it acceptable for men to transgress the bounds of chastity but taboo for women to be honest about their desires are poisonous.

Not only does such a mentality warp and harm those individuals affected by it, but it also interferes in every Muslim's right to a sound Islamic education and a holistic, happy life based on the deen - including the area of halal sexual gratification.

As a result, numerous intimacy-related problems have arisen amongst Muslim girls and women. Whether it’s self-esteem and body-image issues, a lack of understanding regarding their own sexual and reproductive health, fear about sex, considering sex to be ‘dirty’ or serious medical issues like vaginismus or being unable to have an orgasm - Muslim women suffer serious consequences as a result of sex-shaming.

Muslim women should not be made to feel ashamed of being aware of their bodies, their physical needs and their sexuality; these things are all gifts from Allah I, which, with the right intention, can be made a source of ajr (reward) from Him.
On the flip side, these things are also responsibilities, for if misused and abused, they can also be a source of punishment.

Let us embrace the mature, dignified, respectful and positive attitude towards female sexuality that Sahabiyaat such as Umm Sulaym displayed, and cast away the crippling mentalities that pressure women to deny their very natures.

As we’ve seen, Umm Sulaym was not ashamed of asking a question which openly discussed an aspect of female sexuality (wet dreams), in an appropriate manner, despite the fact that others around her (such as Umm Salamah) were shocked that she had the audacity to discuss it in public.

Muslim women need to revive the revolutionary attitude that Umm Sulaym displayed. In order to change the current state of affairs, we should find inspiration in Umm Sulaym’s example and be pro-active in educating ourselves about our bodies, including and especially our sexual health. Nor should this education be restricted to already-married women - it is imperative that young girls be taught about their bodies as they grow and mature into young women. It is necessary not just from a health perspective, but from an Islamic one; after all, how else are they to know about the Islamic rulings that surround menstruation, discharge, sexual gratification and more?

Rather than criticising or scolding girls and women who ask or speak openly and honestly about sex, we should remember the words of ‘Aishah when she said: “How praiseworthy are the women of Ansar! Shyness does not prevent them from having a deep understanding of religion.”

Developing this type of positive sexual attitude is not merely necessary for the overall health of the Muslim Ummah, but is a revolutionary act of heroism as well. One which will, insha Allah, give rise to a new generation of confident and educated Muslim women.

Zainab bint Younus (AnonyMouse) is a young woman who finds constant inspiration in the lives of the Sahabiyaat and other great women in Islamic history. She hopes that every Muslimah is able to identify with the struggles of these inspirational women and follow in their footsteps to become a part of a new generation of powerful Muslim women. She blogs at http://www.thesalafifeminist.blogspot.com

How Big Is Allah? - Book Review

“How big is Allah?” is a question that my four year old daughter has asked me before, and a question I always struggled to answer in a way that would be easy for her to conceptualize. Alhamdulillah for the new book, How Big is Allah? by author and illustrator Emma Apple, which came to my rescue!

Brilliantly laid out - both concise and illustrative not only due to Emma’s beautiful black-and-white ink drawings but also because of the clever use of large and small lettering paired with every image, How Big is Allah? is enchanting for both young readers and their parents.

Rather than relying on clichés that tend to be over-used when trying to teach Muslim children about their Lord, Emma’s approach is refreshing and creative. Each page encourages children to think and to reflect, a wonderful way to be like those whom the Qur’an describes:

{[Those] Who remember Allah while standing or sitting or [lying] on their sides and give thought to the creation of the heavens and the earth, [saying], "Our Lord, You did not create this aimlessly; exalted are You [above such a thing]; then protect us from the punishment of the Fire.} (Aal ‘Imran:191)

This book makes it much easier for young children to visualise the concepts of big and small, relativity/proportion, the solar system and space - while tying them all to the original question of “How big is Allah?”

The fact chart at the end of the book makes it easier to explain the definitions of words that might be new and unfamiliar, especially to the younger readers (aged around 4-6).

I found How Big is Allah? to not only be a great bedtime read that reminded my daughter to say her nightly adhkar, but also an encouragement to learn more about nature and science.

With very young readers (like my four year old), I personally suggest reading only the first couple of pages initially and to use them as the beginning of many more discussions about Allah I, our planet, and why we were created.

How Big is Allah? is guaranteed to charm your children with its uniquely vibrant imagery, age-appropriate language and beautifully simple yet effective method of understanding the answer to such a huge question. It’s an absolute must-have for every Muslim home, whether as part of an Islamic homeschooling programme or your own personal library.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

AnonyMouse (Zainab bint Younus) is a young Muslimah who has been reading and writing for as long as she can remember. She writes for SISTERS Magazine, SaudiLife.net, and blogs at http://www.thesalafifeminist.blogspot.com

Refutation of Falsehood: Busting Myths About Female Sexuality

When one sees Muslim leaders attempt to take on serious and relevant issues to the Muslim Ummah such as sexually dysfunctional marital relationships, one truly hopes for the best. Alas, well-meaning though they may be, there becomes glaringly obvious a lack of knowledge and understanding regarding female sexuality.

A few claims that are being made and circulated en masse (and dangerously so) are the following:

·        Muslim women (especially from ‘conservative, practicing families’) do not really experience sexual arousal or any feelings of intense sexuality before marriage.

·        Women’s fitrah is such that they are automatically less sexual than men.

·        Muslim women are intimidated and scared by even discussions about sex prior to marriage; if a Muslim man wants to discuss it with his fiancée, he shouldn’t lest she run in the opposite direction.

·        Women don’t ‘need’ to orgasm as much as men do; their sexual feelings are minimal and what they truly seek from sexual encounters is not necessary physical pleasure, but emotional connection.

Not only are all these claims inaccurate, but to perpetuate them on a massive public forum – and by an individual with significant influence over large numbers of Muslims – is extremely dangerous due to the fact that the Muslim community already suffers from a horrific lack of knowledge and awareness about sex and female sexuality.

Despite the fact that Islamic texts fully recognize women’s sexual needs and in fact protects them as a religious right, many male Muslim leaders perpetuate cultural stereotypes about the nature of female sexuality and falsely pass them off as Islamic guidance. Such ridiculous ideas include the belief that women have a lesser need and appreciation for the physical aspect of intimacy; that they do not experience intense sexual arousal prior to marriage; and that the very idea of sex is disturbing and unnatural to them, or that they are unable to comprehend the true nature of intercourse before marriage.

In all fairness, even Western cultures and scientific thought has long held faulty and inaccurate beliefs regarding female sexuality (most famously, the views of Sigmund Freud and the Victorian phenomenon of ‘hysteria’). However, it is also true that Western society has moved along with considerable speed with regards to knowledge of female sexuality than many Eastern (and Muslim) cultures have. It must still be kept in mind, though, that the amount of studies and research collected on female sexuality is dwarfed by those about men, and that there remains a great deal to be discovered about female sexuality in general.[1]

Going back to the claims being publicly taught, there is first of all a severely erroneous conflation between the reality of culturally ingrained attitudes about sex, and the actual innate physical desires and needs that women have for sex.

While it is absolutely true that many Muslim cultures teach women unhealthy negative attitudes about sex and equate female sexual desire with being dirty or impure, this in no way actually reflects the physiological need for sex that exists in the female gender as a whole.

No matter how much cultural brainwashing women receive regarding their sexuality, most women will still inevitably experience feelings of sexual arousal at some point in their lives – and for those who do, it will generally first happen before marriage.

Furthermore, the arousal a woman feels can and does reach strong levels of intensity, including orgasm; for example, in a wet dream. This was acknowledged even by RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), who confirmed Umm Sulaym’s question regarding female wet dreams.[2] 

Even outside of wet dreams and masturbation however, women can and do feel intense sexual stimulation – anything from wearing a new pair of jeans or sitting on a massage chair. This is not to be crude, but simply realistic.[3] [4]

Nor are such experiences purely involuntary; many women are curious about their bodies and are actively aware of what stimulates them both physically and mentally (after all, the brain is the most powerful sex organ). Sexual curiosity exists in women just as it exists in men; since many girls mature physically and mentally faster than boys, they can be ahead of the game when it comes to being curious about sex.

Whether it’s reading romance novels (and anyone who thinks that girls read romance novels just for the emotional fluff is fooling themselves) or magazines like Cosmopolitan, girls crave information about both the romantic and the explicitly sexual.

Communication about sexual issues is another matter, one tied much more strongly to the aforementioned cultural brainwashing about intimacy than the idea that women have an inherent and instinctive fear or aversion to sex. Advising Muslim men to ‘just pray Istikhaarah, ya akhee’ instead of respectfully discussing or asking questions related to sex with their fiancées is harmful and, quite frankly, insulting to both the man and the woman. We should not be perpetuating attitudes of embarrassment, shame, and stigma about sexual issues but rather, encouraging men and women to approach the topic with respect, dignity, and honesty. It may be uncomfortable at first or awkward, but then, all positive growth and change is by necessity.

It is necessary to say here that a great deal of work needs to be done in training Muslim men and women on how to discuss matters related to sex and marriage in a respectful, dignified, and mature manner.

There is one final issue – the idea that women are innately ‘less sexual’ than men. While there is no denying the biological differences between men and women, including sexually, there is a big difference between recognizing the difference, and claiming that women simply aren’t as sexual.[5] More accurate would be to state that what men and women find sexually appealing and arousing, how they react to such stimuli, and the levels at which they respond to such urges differ greatly – but do not take away from the inherent sexuality of women.

It is also a fallacy to say that the sole or primary benefit or reason that women engage in sex is for an emotional connection; rather, while some women do enjoy sex more because of the emotional connection, it is not a necessary component of their actual satisfaction or orgasm. In fact, the vagina – specifically the clitoris – has thousands more nerve endings than the penis, which means that its orgasm can be correspondingly much, much more intense than the male orgasm, and contradicts the belief of those men who are convinced that women don’t really ‘feel it.’[6] [7] (Not to mention that women are capable of different types of orgasm[8] [9] [10] [11] [12]and multiple orgasms.[13])

It is worth noting that, once sexually aroused, women have a much stronger need to orgasm than men do. If they are stimulated and left unsatisfied, it causes extreme emotional upset (and significant physical discomfort). Should this become a recurring pattern, where husbands reach climax but make no effort to ensure their wives’ satisfaction, women often end up angry and resistant to being sexually available.

Psychological Haleh Banani mentions as well that women who are emotionally unsatisfied in their marriages yet are sexually fulfilled have higher rates of remaining within that marriage than the other way around. If that doesn’t underscore the point well enough, I don’t know what will.

The claim that women have fewer or less intense desires, or a somehow less important need for orgasm, is in fact an unhealthy way of minimizing female sexuality and its priority in a relationship. This takes place both amongst Muslims and non-Muslims and is a sign of how misogyny permeates our attitudes such that we automatically do not consider women to be of equal footing even in bed (and God help any woman who shows any sign of initiating sexual interest or contact!).

While the argument may go on to rage over who is ‘more’ sexual (keeping in mind that new studies continue to emerge on the topic, with sometimes paradoxical results), there is no benefit to be gained from pushing the view that women are simply less sexual beings.

In fact, it does the opposite, by telling men that they do not have to consider their wives’ sexual needs to be as important or necessary (the caveat that ‘a woman’s right to sexual satisfaction is guaranteed in Islam’ does nothing to change the final message). It is also implying to women that they should give up hope of true sexual satisfaction because it’s unrealistic and biologically unnecessary for them to experience it (but hey, all women really want are snuggles and warm fuzzy cuddles, right?).

It is high time that we begin to provide qualified individuals in the Muslim community who can discuss sex – and especially female sexuality – from a more nuanced and accurate perspective. Otherwise, Muslim leaders who take it upon themselves to talk about the subject are simply contributing to the already terrible state of Muslim intimacy, and the continued struggles of Muslim women seeking satisfaction and fulfillment in their own marriages.

What truly needs to be encouraged, emphasized, and taught is the importance of men and women alike to improve communication with their spouses about matters of intimacy. From there, it should become much easier for husbands and wives to become comfortable with their own and each others’ bodies; and for husbands to understand the various factors affecting women that may be significantly responsible for obstacles to sexual fulfillment. Just as men have their own unique preferences, levels of libido, and so on, so too are the tastes and desires of women varied and vast.

To truly seek an improvement to the sex lives of married Muslims, the first step should not be to make sweeping generalizations of female sexuality that are based on androcentric perspectives. Rather, it must be recognized that championing outdated ideas causes a great deal of harm to both men and women. A more nuanced and accurate understanding of female sexuality must be collectively pursued in order to see significant positive change in Muslim marriages.

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[1] http://queensjournal.ca/story/2009-02-09/features/arousing-questions-about-female-sexuality/

[2] Umm Salama (Allah be pleased with her) relates that Umm Sulaym (Allah be pleased with her) came to the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) and said, “O Messenger of Allah, Surely, Allah is not shy of the truth. Is it necessary for a woman to take a ritual bath after she has a wet dream?” The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) replied: “Yes, if she notices a discharge.” Umm Salama covered her face and asked, “O Messenger of Allah! Does a woman have a discharge?” He replied: “Yes, let your right hand be in dust [an Arabic expression said light-heartedly to someone whose statement you contradict], how does the son resemble his mother?” (Sahih al-Bukhari 130)

[3] http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/article/sexual-response-cycle

[4] http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/girl-boners

[5] http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/06/turns-out-women-have-really-really-strong-sex-drives-can-men-handle-it/276598/

[6] http://www.valleyadvocate.com/2012/05/26/clit-chat-14-clitoral-factoids-to-know/

[7] http://www.science20.com/science_amp_supermodels/would_female_orgasms_kill_men

[8] http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/women-do-experience-two-different-types-of-orgasm-study-reveals-9191884.html

[9] http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/seriouslyscience/2014/03/12/really-two-kinds-female-orgasm-science-weighs/#.VPYF33zF84c

[10] https://monicasbox.wordpress.com/2012/07/15/11-different-types-of-orgasms/

[11] http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/types-of-female-orgasm

[12] http://www.buzzfeed.com/alisoncaporimo/different-types-of-orgasms

[13] http://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/how-common-are-multiple-orgasms.aspx

Tending the Hearth

Husbands gone to work or to war; long hours stretching into days, weeks, and months during which wives and mothers spend their days single-handedly raising their children and going to sleep in beds unwarmed by their men. Grueling journeys from one country to another; packing up not just clothing and utensils, but memories and dreams, it is women who find themselves binding their families together and fighting to create a new life and a stronger bond wherever Qadr takes them across the globe.
These are the women of the frontlines – not necessarily the women wielding swords and bandages, but those whose battles are fought on a different front, where their wounds are often invisible but no less painful than physical scars. These are the women who are left to tend the hearth but who tend to others’ hearts as well; the hearts of their husbands and children, while their own hearts struggle to remain strong.

Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays (radhiAllahu ‘anha) was one such a woman. She accepted Islam in its earliest days in Makkah, as a young bride to one of RasulAllah’s cousins, Ja’far ibn Abi Talib (radhiAllahu ‘anhu). Instead of a romantic honeymoon, Asmaa’ and her husband experienced something much more memorable – the first hijrah to Abyssinia for the sake of Allah alone. They were amongst the first Muslim expats, as it were, establishing both their marriage and their home in a country foreign to them in every way, from language and food to faith and culture.

As anyone who has traveled and lived abroad knows, the adjustment is never easy, and it was infinitely more difficult for Asmaa’, her husband, and the other Muslim emigrants who not only had to contend with culture shock, but also with the fear of the Quraysh coming after them, and longing for the company of RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and the Divine Revelation that came to him.

Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays spent fifteen years in Abyssinia with her husband Ja’far, raising not only her three sons, but an entire community of Muslims who clung together and held firm to the Deen of Islam. They received communication from RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi sallam), messages which shared with them the latest verses that had been revealed, as well as words of comfort, support, and advice.

Finally, the long-awaited command came: RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was calling his beloved Companions to their new home, Madinah al-Munawwarah. After over a decade in Abyssinia, leaving must have been yet another bittersweet parting for Asmaa’ and her band of emigrants. Even so, they understood the transient nature of this world, and in obedience to the Messenger of Allah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), once again uprooted themselves and took the arduous journey back to yet another foreign land.

Returning to the land of the Arabs didn’t mean an end to the difficulty, however. As one of RasulAllah’s most beloved and trusted Companions, Ja’far ibn Abi Talib was often on the frontlines of the many military expeditions that the Muslims were engaged in. At the Battle of Mu’tah, RasulAllah established a chain of command: Zayd ibn Haarith, Ja’far ibn Abi Talib, and Abdullah ibn Rawaahah. If Zayd were to fall, Ja’far was to take his place – and that is exactly what happened. At the end of the battle, the Muslims were victorious… but all three commanders were martyred, and Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays was left a widow, the mother of orphaned sons.

Wracked with grief, Asmaa’ soon realized that although the battle was over, the war in her heart had only just begun. Her fight now was to raise her sons with the same unwavering faith that her husband had died with, and the same resilience and strength she herself had displayed when they had made the choice to move to and live in Abyssinia. Asmaa’s struggle as a newly single mother was recognized by RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), who comforted her.

Abdullah ibn Ja’far (one of the sons of Asmaa' and Ja'far) narrates:

“The Messenger of Allah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)  gave Ja'far's family some time to mourn over his death and then visited them saying, ‘Do not cry over my brother after this day.’ He then said, ‘Bring the children of my brother to me,’ and we were brought to him like young birds. He then said, ‘Call the barber for me!’ And the barber came and shaved our heads.

The Messenger of Allah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) then said, “As for Muhammed (one of Ja’far’s brothers), he looks like our uncle Abu Talib, as for ‘Abdullah he resembles me. O Allah! Be the supporter of Ja’far’s family and bless ‘Abdullah (his son) in the transactions undertaken by his hands.” The Prophet (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) repeated this three times.

Then our mother came and mentioned how her children were now orphans and began crying. The Messenger of Allah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)) said to her, “Asmaa’, are you afraid of poverty for them while I am their guardian in this world and in the hereafter?”

(Source: “Women Around the Messenger,” Muhammad Ali Qutb)

Asmaa’ remained a single mother for some time, dedicated to both her sons and her community, determined to be an active participant of the rapidly growing Muslim Ummah.

Allah didn’t leave her alone for long, however – roughly a year later, after the Battle of Hunayn, Abu Bakr (radhiAllahu ‘anhu) proposed to Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays. She accepted his offer of marriage, and they soon developed a relationship of respect, trust and love, such that when Abu Bakr was on his deathbed, he made it clear that he wished Asmaa’ alone to bathe his body and prepare it for his janaazah.

After Abu Bakr’s death, Asmaa’ once again had to contend with being a widow and a single mother for the second time. Yet again, though, a worthy man stepped up to take his place at her side as a righteous husband – this time, it was Ali ibn Abi Talib (radhiAllahu anhu), who was to be the last of her husbands.

The stories of Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays’ life are not unique ones: immigration, financial struggles, the unspoken but still raw difficulty of raising a family, crisis, loss, grief… these are situations experienced by hundreds of thousands of women every day, across the world. These are the battles that women fight on a daily basis, the frontlines that they live on, and they are struggles to be recognized and honoured for being every bit as glorious and worthy of Allah’s Pleasure as other, more glamorous life challenges.

Women like Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays are not alone, but they are unique when it comes to how they tend their hearths and homes while war rages within themselves and outside in the wide world – with the remembrance of Allah no matter how weary the heart may grow, and seeking His guidance in this world and the Hereafter. It is these women – women who truly follow the footsteps of Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays, with blood, sweat and tears as well as laughter and love, emaan and taqwa – who are truly forgotten heroines in our midst.