The Strongest of Fathers

I once saw an ad for Whirlpool dishwashers that was actually really awesome because it focused on involved fathers. It showed a man playing with his son, providing a meal for him, caring for him when he got hurt, and cleaning up after him. Not once did the advert switch over to a mother completing any of those tasks - the father's relationship with his son was demonstrated as being something that existed outside of a female figure's presence.

It made me reflect on how little we focus on RasulAllah as a father figure - to Zaid ibn Harith, Ali ibn Abi Talib, Zaynab bint Abi Salamah... imagine what kind of parent-like figure he must have been to inspire Zaid to refuse to go back to his own family; imagine how Zaynab bint Abi Salamah felt, knowing him as the only father in her life, being so beloved to him that he would spend time with her even though other Sahabah were waiting for him to come out and teach them.

He raised Fatimah (ra) for some time almost as a single father, and their bond was unbreakable, testified to by A'ishah (ra) herself. RasulAllah was, even before Nubuwwa, the best example for this Ummah - a model of what it means to be an involved, invested, present father.

If people want to obsess about masculinity, then look to RasulAllah first & foremost - he exemplified what it meant to be a real man. He was unshakeable in battle & firm in principle, but he was also gentle and softhearted, who never once found it emasculating to weep in public, to cradle children, to declare his love for his wife by name, to serve his family without resentment or anger.

He was a man who supplicated for the woman who fought in battle at Uhud, throwing her body in front of his to protect him - his masculinity was not so fragile that he considered her a threat to the concept of the male warrior; when A'ishah raised her voice to him, he did not accuse her of being unwifely or disrespectful. In turn, he inspired love beyond measure; the men & women around him drew strength from his strength, inspiration from his vulnerability and humanity. His masculinity was unquestionable, & the respect even his enemies had for him was due to his justice.
!صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم

His Companions followed in his footsteps: men like Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthman & Ali weren't surrounded by silent women, nor did they feel threatened by women who expressed themselves. Rather, Abu Bakr married a woman like Asmaa' bint Umays, who got angry at Umar and took him to RasulAllah to settle their dispute; Umar raised a woman like Hafsah, who had no fear of debate.

These men and women were confident enough about themselves that they didn't consider every dispute or disagreement to mean a gender war. They knew better than anyone what qiwamah meant; they lived it.

The presence of women on the battlefield did not make the men any lesser men; the presence of men in the homes, kissing their children, did not make them any lesser men. The strength of women did not negate the strength of men, but was appreciated and considered a complement, a necessary component for society's function and betterment.

These men and women had something we have little of today: respect for each other, appreciation for each other's strengths - whether stereotypically feminine, masculine or otherwise - an understanding of each other's weaknesses, and the willingness to engage with each other even when there was strong disagreement.

Above all, they knew the true meaning of the Divine Words:
{The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those - Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.} (Quran 9:71)

To Be My Father's Daughter

One of the oddest, and best, things about growing up is developing my relationship with my father. I had started life as a daddy's girl and then, predictably as puberty hit, warred with him constantly about... well, everything, lol. (And didn't help that I shared his short temper, stubbornness, and refusal to admit to being wrong. Heh.)

It was only later - in fact, just a year or so before I got married and left home - that I found myself actually *wanting* to have conversations with him and spend time around him. Once I'd gotten over how (and finally understand why) we spent so many years seeing him for so little time due to his work as a grassroots imam, I started to notice so many other things about him. His killer sense of snide humour, his deadpan sarcasm at the most unexpected of moments (like in the middle of teaching 'Aqeedah or 'Umdatul Ahkaam), his eye for fashion (for a man who wears dishdasha and ghutra, and hasn't worn Western clothing in two decades, he knows an awful lot about men's clothing), his outdated Canadian slang ("why are you such a hoser, eh?")

It's funny, but I can honestly say that my father is probably most responsible for my evolution as a Salafi feminist.
He is a Salafi of the old school, who still gives side-eye to pants below the ankles and has an epic beard that gets more comments than his actual work. Thankfully, he has none of the takfeeri tendencies and worst character traits of our ideological tribe. (The word "bid'ah" remains a favourite, however - I would mimic his "wa kulla bid'atin dalaalah, wa kulla dalaatin fin-naar!" on the ride back from Jumu'ah with gusto.) I make fun of all his ‪#‎VintageSalafi‬ moments and troll his FB page gleefully because it's just too hard to pass up all the opportunities to point out how he lives in a little Salafi bubble in his head.

He also bought me my first (and currently, only) motorcycle - a battery-operated Fisher-Price Harley Davidson - and my first biker jacket. He took it as a given that I would study Islamic Studies (but forgot to tell me that the Islamic University of Medinah doesn't accept female students).
When I was a toddler, he used to take me with him to Masjid anNabawi, where he used to spend time with his friends and fellow students of the Islamic university; up until I hit 13, I used to accompany him everywhere - grocery shopping, Islamic classes, distributing sadaqah (charity) bags for the Muslim food bank he'd started. I listened to him, and watched him, and learned from him.
More than anything else, he ingrained in me the importance of grassroots da'wah: the importance of connecting to individuals and families, the power of a sincere smile and 'as-salaamu 'alaikum', the necessity of putting aside personal free time for the sake of Allah, the ability to develop a thick skin because in da'wah, appreciation is not something we should ever expect.

At the age of 14, I started writing articles for our local Muslim newspaper; I was outraged and offended when people would ask if there was a misprinting of names and if he were the actual author. I quickly realized that it was actually a compliment of sorts, if still offensive due to the sexist assumptions.
The more I learned about feminism and realized how strongly I identified with it, the more I spoke about it, and the more he would snort in annoyance and then say dumb things to make me mad. It took me a little too long to catch on and just roll my eyes at him. What he would never admit, though, is that occasionally I've managed to convince him of my own positions and prove that I'm right ;)

When I moved to Malaysia to live with my parents after my divorce, one of my first goals was to *finally* do Islamic Studies in some kind of formal capacity. My dad was the one who drove me for an hour to get to the Islamic center where Sh. Isam Rajab was teaching his first Diploma class, and drove back another hour to get home - 4 days a week, on top of his full-time job and his many other responsibilities.
During car rides, and before going to bed, I'd spend hours hanging out with my dad, making stupid jokes, showing him random stuff on the Internet, and talking about all the latest issues on the Muslim cyberscen and da'wah circles. I'd argue with him about women's issues, unsatisfied with the typical imam answers he'd give me; then he'd help me do the research for my next fiery Salafi feminist article and never admit that he was involved. (He'll forever deny that he has anything to do with my rants, but will tell me about how he has friends who read them.)
On road trips and visa runs to Thailand, Indonesia, and elsewhere, he and I would make a beeline for the malls and local markets, excited about all the fun stuff. My mom would trail behind us, complaining that she wanted to see nature, not do more shopping. Even now, he sends me pictures of all the things he knows I love and tell me that it's my mom who won't let him buy it for me.

Even during strained and tense moments - and there certainly been a fair amount of them - I find myself unable to stay furious at him.
Out of myself and my three younger brothers, we all know that I am the one most closely following in his footsteps (even if I don't have the male privilege he does when it comes to studying and opportunities lol). When he Skypes every day, sometimes twice a day, and says he really just called to speak to the Mouseling, she's the first one to point out that we're talking over her and not letting her speak. Oddly, I feel protective over him; I'd long ago developed a strong sense of gheerah for him, staring down women whom I felt were inappropriate in their interactions with him, and I have no problem sending a pointed FB message to anyone who takes their joking with him on his FB page a little too far.

I have been described as my father's daughter more than once - by masjid aunties pinching my cheeks; by my ex-husband, telling me that I'm a woman and can't get away with being as outspoken and stubborn.
Once, it used to bother me - I wanted an identity that was more than just "the shaykh's daughter" - but now, having established that individual identity of my own, I'm proud to hear those words. I know that I come nowhere close to him in the impact he has had on people's lives, that I know nothing in comparison to his Islamic knowledge, but I pray that one day, I can at least come close to it.

May Allah protect our fathers, increase them in good, forgive them their faults, and bring us all together in Jannah, ameen.

‪#‎radbrowndads‬
‪#‎evenSalafidadscanbeawesome‬

Another Man's Daughter

There is a huge stigma in the Muslim community regarding the remarriage of widows and divorcees, especially those with children. Many Muslim men, whether they themselves are divorced/widowed or not, will shy away from considering remarriage with a woman who has been previously married, and more so when there are children involved. There is a sense that these women aren't 'good enough' and that marrying them is somehow inferior to marrying a woman who has never been married before.

When Abu Salamah (radhiAllahu 'anhu) passed away, Umm Salamah (radhiAllahu 'anha) already had several children - Salamah and 'Umar, and was pregnant with yet another. For most Muslim men today, considering a previously married woman with one child for marriage is seen as alarming, never mind three or more! There appears to be some sort of revulsion at the idea of caring for "another man's children." However, neither Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) nor his Sahabah ever expressed this type of attitude.

When Umm Salamah’s ‘iddah ended by giving birth to her daughter, Zaynab bint Abi Salamah, Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) - fully aware of her situation - proposed to her. When Umm Salamah pointed out that she had several children to take care of, Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa salam) reassured her with the simple words: "Your children are my children." (Narrated by an-Nasa’i)

Those words were not spoken meaninglessly. While Zaynab bint Abi Salamah never grew up with her biological father, she was raised by a man who was her father in every other way - Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam). It isnarrated that whenever Rasool Allah r came to visit Umm Salamah, one of the first things he would do is ask, "Where is our Zinaab?" ('Zinaab' was an endearment for the name 'Zaynab').

One narration states that when she was young, her mother asked her to attend to Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) while he was making wudhu. When she entered, Rasool Allah sprinkled her face with the water from his ablutions, and for the rest of her life, she remained looking youthful, barely revealing any signs of aging.

Zaynab’s bond with Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) was evident to others as well. Her uncle ‘Ammar used to pick her in his arms and say: “She is the one who has come between the Prophet r and his family.” (i.e. She was distracting him and keeping him busy as he used to give her a lot of attention.)

Once, RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) was playing with his grandsons Hassan and Husayn (radhiAllahu 'anhum) in the house of Umm Salamah, while Umm Salamah and Zaynab were present. Overcome with love, he held them and made the following du'a: "May Allah exalt you, yaa Ahlul Bayt!"
Umm Salamah began to cry, and RasulAllah asked her what was wrong. "O Messenger of Allah, what about us?" she exclaimed. Understanding what she meant, RasulAllah gathered Umm Salamah and Zaynab in his arms and said, "You are part of my family, you are part of Ahlul Bayt!"

Imagine growing up in an environment knowing not only that your mother was the wife of the Messenger of Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam), but to have him in your life as a father-figure, someone who was there literally from the first moments of your life, someone who cared for you as his own child, of whom your first memory is the endearing nickname he gave you? Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) was much more than just a stepfather to Zaynab bint Abi Salamah - In the true sense of the word, he was her father.

The effect that Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) had on Zaynab bint Abi Salamah was an incredible one. Not only did he impact her emotionally by being a loving father-figure and providing a stable family environment, but she was also affected spiritually. How could she not when she grew up witnessing the Wahy (revelation) being revealed, when he would wake up his entire household to pray Qiyaam al-Layl in Ramadhan, when she heard his Divinely inspired words straight from his lips?

Zaynab bint Abi Salamah grew up to be a direct reflection of the environment she grew up in. She narrated seven ahadith directly from Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam), and she also narrated from others amongst the sahabah, in particular, her stepmothers, the other wives of Rasool Allah, such as ‘A;ishah (radhiAllahu 'anha), Umm Habibah (radhiAllahu 'anha) and others.

Zaynab quickly grew to become known as an incredible scholar of Madinah, particularly in the field of fiqh. The famous Imam among the Tabi’un, Abu Rafi’ al-Sa’igh, referred to her as the most knowledgeable woman of her time on many occasions. Amongst her students were her son Abu ‘Ubaydah, Muhammad bin ‘Amr bin ‘Ata, ‘Irak bin Malik, Humaid bin Nafi’, her foster-brother ‘Urwah bin al-Zubayr, Imam Zain-ul-‘Abidin ‘Ali bin al-Hussain, ‘Amr bin Shu’ayb, al-Qasim bin Muhammad, Abu Qilabah, Salamah bin Abdur Rahman and others.

One particular incident demonstrated the true breadth of her patience as well as her wisdom. During the Hurrah (a rebellion against the governor of Madinah) in the reign of Yazid bin Mu’awiyah, she lost two of her sons in battle. On hearing the news, she proved herself to be a mountain in sabr as well as a true faqihah (scholar of fiqh). Holding her dead son before her, Zainab said: “To God we belong and to Him we return! As for the first, he didn’t fight anyone but was ambushed and killed in his home. For him I am hopeful of Jannah. But the other one fought, and I am not aware what his intention was in fighting, and so the travesty for me is even greater in his loss (as I don’t know in what condition he met His Lord).”

Truly, Zaynab bint Abi Salamah was a heroine not only in her time, but for all time.
SubhanAllah, all of this was because Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) chose to marry Umm Salamah (radhiAllahu 'anha), a widow with several young children.

Nor was Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) alone in his practice of welcoming the children of previously married women into his family and raising them with as much love and affection as his own children. When Ja’far ibn Abi Talib (radhiAllahu 'anhu) was martyred, he had a number of young children with his wife, Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays (radhiAllahu 'anha). Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) himself assured Asmaa’ of her children’s safety and security. As an answer to the promise of Rasool Allah, Abu Bakr (radhiAllahu 'anhu) proposed to Asmaa’, and the sons of Ja’far ibn Abi Talib were thus raised in the household of Abu Bakr.

Not only was Abu Bakr willing to care for them as his own children, but he was also in fact honoured to do so. The children of Ja’far were granted the double blessing of not only having a martyr, beloved to Allah and His Messenger (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam), as their biological father, but to also have the greatest of the sahabah as their stepfather.

While blended families are becoming more and more common in society in general, they are still relatively rare and even taboo in Muslim communities. Even if both a man and woman agree to such a marriage, the family pressure and community scepticism can be overwhelming.
The idea of a man raising another man’s children is looked down upon and criticised, yet it is precisely those men who had the courage to do so, men such as Rasool Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) and Abu Bakr (radhiAllahu 'anhu), who were responsible for raising these children to become some of the greatest heroes and heroines of Islamic history.

It is high time that we embrace this Sunnah, not only acknowledging the challenges that inevitably accompany it, but the incredible rewards and payoff for doing so, in both this world and the Hereafter. Who knows? It could likely be the children raised in such a way are the very thing to bring us to the gates of Jannah.

Sources
Usud al-Ghabah fi Ma’rifat as-Sahabah
al-Istiy’ab
al-Isabah
Tabaqat Ibn Sa’d
(With special thanks to a generous brother - who wishes to remain anonymous - for translating the original biographies.)

Zainab bint Younus (AnonyMouse/ The Salafi Feminist) is a young woman who finds constant inspiration in the lives of the Sahabiyaat and other great women in Islamic history. She hopes that every Muslimah is able to identify with the struggles of these inspirational women and follow in their footsteps to become a part of a new generation of powerful Muslim women. She blogs at http://www.thesalafifeminist.blogspot.com

Book Review: My Dad's Beard

Now that my daughter is old enough to not just enjoy picture books but understand the actual words as well, I’ve been looking for more Muslim-centered books for her… books that are not necessarily ‘Islamic’ (i.e. stories from Qur’an or hadith in ostensibly child-friendly language) but simply with Muslim characters and a background/ references to which young Muslim children can relate.

So when I received “My Dad’s Beard” by Zanib Mian, I was pretty excited – it seemed exactly the kind of book that I was looking for but hadn’t seemed to exist in the (Muslim) market yet.

Big, soft cover, and glossy, “My Dad’s Beard” is the humorous and heart-warming story of a young boy listing all the reasons he loves his father’s beard. The illustrations are bright and colourful and the colour and font of the text changes with every page, which do a wonderful of job of keeping the attention span of an otherwise impatient four year old.

My daughter adores this book – perhaps mainly because all the male members of her family (father, grandfather, uncles, and great-grandfather) all have beards of varying lengths and bushiness – and got a kick out of the imaginary “teeny tiny cat” that lives in Dad’s beard.

I love this book for several other reasons. First of all, it is wonderfully refreshing to find a well-written, well-illustrated book for Muslim children below the age of 8. My experience with books targeted at the under-8 demographic has been that even if illustrations are vibrant, the language still tends to be too advanced for toddlers and involves subject matter that may go over such young children’s heads.

Secondly, as I noted previously, there’s a distinct dearth of books for young children that isn’t specifically “Islamic” or preachy, yet still Muslim-oriented and with subtle Islamic references – such as the line “My dad says he has a got a beard because he’s copying the greatest man who ever lived.” It’s a wonderful way for parents to link aspects of ‘Muslim culture’ which young readers will immediately recognize, to how it’s relevant to Islam itself.

Finally, what was quite possibly my favourite part was how the book presented the Muslim father as a loving, playful, comforting, supportive, funny, and imaginative parent – with both his son and his daughter. There are so few positive representations of Muslim men, and especially of involved Muslim fathers, that I think that “My Dad’s Beard” is practically revolutionary. I know that for my daughter, who is separated from her father but has no dearth of loving and involved father-figures, “My Dad’s Beard” was a fun and reassuring reminder about her father as well as the other men in her life, and how important they are to her.

In short, I heartily recommend “My Dad’s Beard” for all those with hirsute Muslim male relatives (although it may be slightly awkward for those who are biologically unable to grow much facial hair…). Young readers are sure to love it and parents are sure to get a chuckle out of it as well.

Rating: 5 out of 5

Daddy's Little Princess

“Daddy’s little girl” is spoiled, coddled, and cuddled as a child – but what happens when she’s no longer a little girl, but growing up into a young woman?

Amongst the many family dynamics issues that the Muslim community is beginning to address, one of the least-discussed subjects remains that of father-daughter relationships.

It is an issue which has been overlooked, ignored, and generally treated with a sense of discomfort. Particularly amongst immigrant families, the relationship between a father and his daughter(s) is often a distant one; girls are encouraged to spend the majority of their time with their mothers and other womenfolk.

A girl might be “Daddy's little princess” as a baby, a toddler, a child, but as she grows closer to puberty she will often find herself left at home instead of taken to the masjid, attention deflected from her and turned towards her brothers instead (if she has any). This practice not only has extremely negative repercussions – for the fathers, the daughters, and indeed the Ummah at large – but is also against the Sunnah of RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam).

RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) had four daughters, all of whom he loved dearly; yet the greatest amount of narrations regarding his relationship with them is specifically in regards to his youngest daughter, Fatimah bint Muhammad.

Fatimah (radhiAllahu ‘anha) was approximately seven or eight years old when she used to accompany her father to the Ka’bah, where he often went to worship. In some regions and communities, it is as this very age where many fathers stop taking their daughters with them to public places – especially the masjid. As girls reach the end of their childhoods and inch closer towards the onset of puberty, many fathers prefer to start distancing themselves both physically and distantly from their daughters. Instead, girls are encouraged to spend more time with their mothers, learning ‘womanly skills.’

In pre-Islamic Arabia, it was almost unheard of for fathers to be deeply involved with their daughters; unfortunately, it remains the case even today in many parts of the world. RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), however, was a mercy to mankind who came to revolutionize the world… and that included revolutionizing the concept of fatherhood.

As Fatimah grew older, RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) never pushed her away or minimized his relationship with her. In fact, if anything, their bond only grew stronger.

The historian Ibn 'Abdullah writes that whenever RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) came back from any journey or after taking part in a battle, he would first go to the his Mosque in Madinah and pray two rak’aat (units), and then visit his daughter Fatimah and then visit his wives.

Imagine the type of fatherly love that caused RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) to choose to see his daughter even before his wives! The wives themselves did not feel any resentment or animosity regarding this, however, because they understood the importance of the relationship between RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and Fatimah (radhiAllahu ‘anha).

A'ishah (radhiAllahu anha) commented, “I have not seen any one of God's creation resemble the Messenger of God more in speech, conversation and manner of sitting than Fatimah, may God be pleased with her. When the Prophet saw her approaching, he would welcome her, stand up and kiss her, take her by the hand and sit her down in the place where he was sitting.” (Siyar A’laam an-Nubalaa)

Even amongst Muslim fathers who do have good relationships with their daughters, some may feel shy or embarrassed to show it or discuss it publicly due to culture-based embarrassment. RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), however, was never shy to publicly profess his love and affection for those dearest to him.

When Ali ibn Abi Talib admitted that he was considering marrying another wife, RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) ascended the minbar and declared:

“Whoever pleased Fatimah has indeed pleased God and whoever has caused her to be angry has indeed angered God. Fatimah is a part of me. Whatever pleases her pleases me and whatever angers her angers me.” (Narrated by al-Bukhāri, 3437; Muslim, 4483)

The role of a father in his daughter's life is pivotal: he is the first man in her life; the one who teaches her what he, a male, thinks of her, a female; and thus shapes her sense of self-worth in the eyes of other men; the one whose behaviour and mannerisms will influence her mental image of “the perfect man” and her choice of life partner.

Due to many unfortunate cultural standards, Muslim men often don’t realize this, or that the Sunnah of RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) reflected the ideal relationship that every father should have with their daughter(s).

Some of the greatest heroines of Islam – including Fatimah (radhiAllahu ‘anha) – had the strength, courage, and faith that they did because their fathers invested time, love, and du’a in them. Fatherhood is not just a beautiful gift from Allah, but an honour. A father’s relationship with his daughters could very well be a means of him entering Jannah… and of raising the next generation of heroines of Islam.

RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

“Whoever has two daughters and treats them kindly, they will be a protection for him against the Fire.” (Ahmad, Ibn Majah)

A Father's Legacy

Many men dream of having children as a mark of their legacies – and usually, they think of sons taking on this role, for after all, isn’t it male children who continue the father’s name?

This attitude existed and was indeed prevalent amongst the Arabs of the past, just as it is in many cultures today. The era of RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and his Companions was no exception… in fact, the Arab society of that time was virulently misogynistic, going to the extreme of killing infant daughters out of shame.

Islam changed this – and changed the Sahabah as well. In direct contradiction to the social norms of their times, two extremely well known Companions of RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) were at the forefront of changing the attitudes regarding women.

Abu Bakr as-Siddeeq, the first khalifah of Islam, is known for many things – for his closeness of companionship to RasulAllah, for his wisdom, for his courage, and for his just rule. However, part of his legacy also lay in his children… and while Arabs believed that it was only male children who played any role in continuing their legacies, none of Abu Bakr’s children are better known or remembered than his two daughters: Asmaa’ and A’ishah.

Abu Bakr was a unique man – one who not only married a strong woman such as Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays, but created a home environment that produced not just one incredible woman, but two!

Asmaa' and A'ishah had two different mothers, but the same father. Abu Bakr was responsible for not only educating his daughters as much as he was able to, but for instilling a love for knowledge within them.
A'ishah is most well-known for her prodigious skills as a scholar, but Asmaa' was no ignorant woman either. She related a large number of ahadith, which give us a glimpse of her own sharp intelligence.

Abu Bakr’s strong, unwavering personality was also something shared by his daughters; neither of them flinched in the face of hardship or difficulty.
Asmaa' became known very early on as Dhaat an-Nitaaqayn: the woman with two sashes; in reference to her nightly journeys to provide food for her father and RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam), tearing her cloth belt in two so as to wrap the food in something. She not only undertook the long and arduous journey every night, but did so while pregnant!

Abu Bakr was also one of the greatest warriors in the army of RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) - and his daughters displayed the same keen military skills. Asmaa' actively took part in the Battle of Yarmuk as well as other military expeditions (she was well known for carrying a dagger on her person at all times), and ensured that her son, Abdullah ibn az-Zubayr, was educated in the arts of being a warrior.
During the lifetime of RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam), A'ishah was also present on the battlefield; and later on, during the infamous fitnah at the time of Ali ibn Abi Talib, commanded her own army during the Battle of the Camel.

Abu Bakr was not alone in his choices regarding how he raised his daughters. Although ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab is often accused of being a misogynist by certain groups of people, the truth is that a look at how he raised his own daughter proves the opposite.

Another Arab belief was that names had power - therefore, naming their children was a serious matter, for it meant that their children would grow into or adopt some of the characteristics of their names.

'Umar ibn al-Khattaab chose to name his daughter "Hafsah" - 'young lioness.'

What does this show?
It shows that just as 'Umar was a strong individual, he wanted his children - his daughter - to be strong. It shows that 'Umar desired for his daughter what he did for his sons... to be an individual with personal power, to be capable of taking care of herself, able to think for herself and fend for herself if necessary.

Hafsah truly lived up to her name: it is known that amongst the Prophet's wives, Hafsah bint Umar, A'ishah bint Abi Bakr, and Zaynab bint Jahsh were those with the strongest personalities and were outspoken women who were not intimidated by others.

Hafsah's personality reflected her father's in many ways... Not only was she outgoing and outspoken (it is recorded that she would have spirited disagreements and debates with her husband, RasulAllah), but she was also wise, had a sharp mind, and was amongst the few people during that era who were literate.

Hafsah's intelligence wasn't limited to scholarly fields; she also had keen political acumen. When her father, 'Umar, was on his deathbed, Hafsah went to see her brother Abdullah and informed him, "Your father has not yet appointed a successor?" She then advised him to speak to 'Umar on this matter - thus displaying her understanding of the political situation.
Thus, Hafsah proved herself to be well-acquainted with matters of a political as well as an Islamically academic nature.

Kunyas (nicknames) were also an important part of Arab culture, and usually, a man was named after his eldest son - "Abu So-And-So." Even if he had no sons, he would still include a male name.
Yet 'Umar ibn al-Khattaab was known not as "Abu Abullah" after his famous son, but as "Abu Hafs" - in reference to his daughter Hafsah.

How many fathers today would be so proud of their daughters that they would prefer to be known by their daughter's name than by their sons'?

When so many men today talk about wanting to be like 'Umar ibn al-Khattaab and Abu Bakr as-Siddeeq, let’s encourage them to do so… by being the types of fathers that ‘Umar and Abu Bakr were to their own daughters.

Fathers are one of the greatest sources of influence over their daughters, and have an effect on their development that lasts long into the future. A father’s approval or disapproval will set the tone for a girl’s idea of self-worth, and how she chooses to make decisions that confirm this view.

Would Asmaa’, A’ishah, and Hafsah have been strong, intelligent, pious women who helped weave the very fabric of Islamic history been able to do so if they were taught from a young age to sit down, shut up, and smile silently?
If they had been taught that their voices, their ideas, their actions were worthless, would they ever have become scholars and warriors?

It is very likely that they would not have been able to do so. Thus, the effect Abu Bakr and Umar’s influence as fathers was not only a short-term one over their daughters, but one that extended far beyond their lifespans and has lasted until today, over 1400 years later.

How’s that for a father’s legacy?

Zainab bint Younus (AnonyMouse) is a young woman who finds constant inspiration in the lives of the Sahabiyaat and other great women in Islamic history. She hopes that every Muslimah is able to identify with the struggles of these inspirational women and follow in their footsteps to become a part of a new generation of powerful Muslim women. She blogs at http://www.thesalafifeminist.blogspot.com

The Fatherhood Crisis

(Originally published at OnIslam.net)

“Sisters, you are the shepherds of your children! Sisters, raise your children well, for the future of the Ummah lies in your hands! Sisters, your role as mothers is the most important in the world!”
Such is the mantra repeated over and over again, to audiences of women who have already had this message ingrained in them from youth. But where are the reminders to Muslim fathers?

It's become a common cultural standard that women are assumed to be almost solely responsible for the raising and educating of children, from infancy right up until adulthood. The role of fatherhood, on the other hand, seems to have been relegated to one of financial obligation, and little else.
When we look to the time of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), however, we see a very different model of fatherhood.

Prophet Muhammad, The Father

Ali ibn Abi Talib was raised in the household of RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) and, RasulAllah was his father figure. When Ali accepted Islam at the age of 12, he didn't do so out of indifference or merely because he 'had' to.
He had been raised to be intellectually capable of pondering what faith meant, what the consequences of accepting that would be, and the seriousness of living according to Islam. Thus, when he accepted Islam, it was with a keenness of intelligence and awareness that was directly cultivated by RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam).

Similarly, Zayd ibn Harithah who was also raised by (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam), in such a dedicated manner that when Zayd's biological father and uncle came to take him back home, he refused to go with them. Zayd was approximately eight years old when he was captured by raiders and sold into slavery in Makkah. The nephew of Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her) bought him and then gave Zayd as a gift to her. She, in turn, gave him to RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) who freed him and raised him as his own son.
When Zayd’s father and uncle came to claim him, Zayd informed them, “I have seen from this man (Muhammad) such amazing things that I could never prefer him over anyone else.” (Ibn Sa’ad, Ibn Athir, Ibn Hajar).

Immediately after this, RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) formally adopted Zayd who became known as ‘Zayd ibn Muhammad’ until the Qur’anic verse was revealed forbidding this type of adoption.

Such a close bond could only have been the result of truly dedicated parenting. Zayd was also one of the first people to accept Islam, along with Ali and the rest of the Prophet’s household.
As an adult, RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) made Zayd a commander of the Muslim army no less than seven different times, until he was martyred in the Battle of Mu’tah.

Nor was RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) an exception when it came to fatherhood. His Sahabah followed his example.
Umar ibn al-Khattab (radhiAllahu 'anhu) didn't abandon his son 'Abdullah to his wife to raise; he didn't expect 'Abdullah's mother to be solely responsible for Abdullah's education or the refinement of his manners. Instead, he took a hands-on approach and ensured that Abdullah accompanied him from a young age, as is evidenced in the following hadith:

Narrated Ibn 'Umar:
The Prophet (sallAllahu ‘alayhiwasallam) said, "The example of a believer is like a green tree, the leaves of which do not fall." The people said, "It is such-and-such tree; it is such-and-such tree."
I intended to say that it was the date-palm tree, but I was a young boy and felt shy (to answer).
The Prophet said, "It is the date-palm tree." Ibn 'Umar added, "I told this to 'Umar (later on), who said, 'Had you said it, I would have preferred it over such-and such a thing!" (Bukhari)

Abdullah ibn ‘Umar grew up to be known as ‘the Jurist’ – but would he have become such a great man if it weren’t for the way his father made a point of involving him in the daily gatherings of the elder Sahabah with RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam)?

Unfortunately, there are far too many fathers today who prefer to leave their sons to be raised by social media and less-than-ideal friends, assuming that “their mother will deal with them”… until they suddenly realize that their sons are no longer young boys, but overgrown males with no understanding of Islamic manhood.

This situation, in fact, took place in the time of Umar ibn al-Khattab (radhiAllahu ‘anhu), and his stance on fatherhood is further demonstrated in this narration:

It is related that a man once came to ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattaab, complaining of his sons’ disobedience to him. ‘Umar summoned the boy and spoke of his disobedience to his father and his neglect of his rights.

The boy replied: “O Ameer al-Mu’mineen! (Prince of believers)
Doesn’t a child have rights over his father?”  “Certainly,” replied ‘Umar.  “What are they, Ameer al-Mu’mineen?”  “That he should choose his mother, give him a good name and teach him the Book (the Quran).”  “O Ameer al-Mu’mineen! My father did nothing of this. My mother was a Magian (fire worshipper). He gave me the name of Julalaan (meaning dung beetle or scarab) and he did not teach me a single letter of the Quran.”  Turning to the father, ‘Umar  said: “You have come to me to complain about the disobedience of your son. You have failed in your duty to him before he has failed in his duty to you; you have done wrong to him before he has wronged you.” (Source) 

Note that when ‘Umar mentioned the teaching of the Qur’an, it meant to the companions much more than what we assume – he didn’t mean that the father hadn’t simply taught his son the literal words of the Qur’an, but rather, that he had neglected to teach his son the meanings of the Qur’an as well.

A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) described RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) as:
“His character was the Qur’an.” (Muslim)

The automatic understanding was that his character was an embodiment of the teachings of the Qur’an.
‘Umar’s rebuke to the complaining father wasn’t that it was the mother’s fault for not teaching the son how to be a good Muslim (or even a good person) – the responsibility was upon the father to raise his child according to the Qur’an.
In failing to carry out his responsibilities towards his son, the father was to blame for his own son’s disobedience.

Today, there are countless books and lectures aimed at mothers about the importance of their role – yet few, if any, focused on Muslim fathers. As a result, our Ummah has been faced with a crisis of fatherhood: one where Muslim men have minimized their role as the head of the household and relegated themselves to providing only financial support, rather than being present, hands-on parents.

Subsequently, we have an entire generation of Muslim youth growing up with no idea of what it is like to be a truly responsible Muslim man.
It is time that we recognize the seriousness of the situation, and change our understanding of the role of Muslim men as fathers – by returning to and reviving the Sunnah of The prophet (PBUH) and his Companions. They were the men who exemplified what it meant to be true Muslim men … leaders of both their households, and of their Ummah.


Zainab bint Younus Kathrada aka The Salafi Feminist is a young Canadian Muslimah who has been active in grassroots da’wah and writing about Islam and the Ummah for the last eight years. She was first published in Al-Ameen Newspaper (Vancouver, Canada) at the age of 14; became a co-founder, writer, and editor for MuslimMatters.org at age 16; and began writing regularly for SISTERS magazine at the age of 19 until today. She also blogs at http://www.TheSalafiFeminist.blogspot.com