Our Men's Pain

As much as I rail on about what Muslim women face, I do want to take a moment to say that many of us don't recognize that many Muslim men go through heartache, racism, discrimination, painful marriages & even more painful divorces, and so much more.

Women suffer because of toxic masculinity, but men are the first victims of it - when their own sense of self is battered and broken almost from infancy. There are very few men who are raised to understand and implement true qiwamah - with all the positive attributes of masculinity rather than merely the outward trappings.

Regardless, Muslim men go through so much on a daily basis, in ways that we almost never even think of. Mental health, physical health, self esteem, spirituality, family pressures, struggling to break away from certain types of cultural programming... as women, we are often so focused on the pain that we face constantly, that we don't recognize the pain that our men go through.

And while it is, in a way, socially acceptable for us to air our grievances - at least amongst ourselves - men don't always have that luxury. In so many cases, Muslim men find themselves being reamed out in public and in private, with few places to turn for emotional support - including from their spouses.

And yes, we women complain that our men don't understand & support us emotionally, but we don't realize that while we often have safe spaces to turn to other women & find consolation, our men rarely do. Sometimes, just sometimes, we need to be there for them the way we have others who are there for us.

Allah describes spouses as garments for each other, as those with whom we should find tranquility, & while I (& others) spend an awful lot of time berating men to be that type of spouse, we need to remember that those ayaat apply to us too. Being a supportive wife isn't just about cooking his meals & popping out his kids; it's also about setting aside our own egos and being willing to listen and to comfort and to support. You don't even have to agree with him, but you can certainly make him feel that he isn't on trial from the moment he opens his mouth.

Our men are strong, but they aren't invulnerable. They screw up, but they're not (all) villains. They're (usually) upholding the patriarchy, but they're not always misogynistic. They are human & crave the sweetness of the human experience just as much as we do. Often, they are wounded & hurting far more than we can imagine, & yet take on still more for the sake of their parents, their wives, and their children.

These men are, in many ways, #TrueQawwam even if they are not perfectly so.

#AndNowBackToOurRegularlyScheduledProgramOfTakingDownThePatriarchy

The Strongest of Fathers

I once saw an ad for Whirlpool dishwashers that was actually really awesome because it focused on involved fathers. It showed a man playing with his son, providing a meal for him, caring for him when he got hurt, and cleaning up after him. Not once did the advert switch over to a mother completing any of those tasks - the father's relationship with his son was demonstrated as being something that existed outside of a female figure's presence.

It made me reflect on how little we focus on RasulAllah as a father figure - to Zaid ibn Harith, Ali ibn Abi Talib, Zaynab bint Abi Salamah... imagine what kind of parent-like figure he must have been to inspire Zaid to refuse to go back to his own family; imagine how Zaynab bint Abi Salamah felt, knowing him as the only father in her life, being so beloved to him that he would spend time with her even though other Sahabah were waiting for him to come out and teach them.

He raised Fatimah (ra) for some time almost as a single father, and their bond was unbreakable, testified to by A'ishah (ra) herself. RasulAllah was, even before Nubuwwa, the best example for this Ummah - a model of what it means to be an involved, invested, present father.

If people want to obsess about masculinity, then look to RasulAllah first & foremost - he exemplified what it meant to be a real man. He was unshakeable in battle & firm in principle, but he was also gentle and softhearted, who never once found it emasculating to weep in public, to cradle children, to declare his love for his wife by name, to serve his family without resentment or anger.

He was a man who supplicated for the woman who fought in battle at Uhud, throwing her body in front of his to protect him - his masculinity was not so fragile that he considered her a threat to the concept of the male warrior; when A'ishah raised her voice to him, he did not accuse her of being unwifely or disrespectful. In turn, he inspired love beyond measure; the men & women around him drew strength from his strength, inspiration from his vulnerability and humanity. His masculinity was unquestionable, & the respect even his enemies had for him was due to his justice.
!صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم

His Companions followed in his footsteps: men like Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthman & Ali weren't surrounded by silent women, nor did they feel threatened by women who expressed themselves. Rather, Abu Bakr married a woman like Asmaa' bint Umays, who got angry at Umar and took him to RasulAllah to settle their dispute; Umar raised a woman like Hafsah, who had no fear of debate.

These men and women were confident enough about themselves that they didn't consider every dispute or disagreement to mean a gender war. They knew better than anyone what qiwamah meant; they lived it.

The presence of women on the battlefield did not make the men any lesser men; the presence of men in the homes, kissing their children, did not make them any lesser men. The strength of women did not negate the strength of men, but was appreciated and considered a complement, a necessary component for society's function and betterment.

These men and women had something we have little of today: respect for each other, appreciation for each other's strengths - whether stereotypically feminine, masculine or otherwise - an understanding of each other's weaknesses, and the willingness to engage with each other even when there was strong disagreement.

Above all, they knew the true meaning of the Divine Words:
{The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those - Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.} (Quran 9:71)

Speaking Truth to Power: The Eloquence of the Prophet's Granddaughter

AHL-BAYT – the family of Prophet Muhammad,–those bound to him by blood and by marriage, those whom he spoke of in his sermon at Khumm:

And the people of my household, I remind you of Allah with regard to the people of my household! I remind you of Allah with regard to the people of my household, I remind you of Allah with regard to the people of my household. (Muslim)

And how can we uphold the rights of Ahl Al-Bayt without knowing who they are? We commonly know about the wives of the Prophet and we know of his grandsons Al-Ḥassan and Al-Ḥussain, but many of us do not know about the one granddaughter of the Prophet who played an important role during a turbulent period of Islamic history.

Amongst the Women of Ahl Al-Bayt

This woman was Zaynab bint Ali ibn Abi Ṭâlib. Sadly, her name and personality are unfamiliar to many of us, though she was the granddaughter of the Prophet, the daughter of Fâṭimah bint Muhammad  and Ali ibn Abi Ṭâlib.

She was born in the year 5 AH, during the lifetime of the Prophet  and was in fact named by him, after his daughter and her aunt, Zaynab bint Muhammad . She was the third child of Fatimah—daughter of the Prophet —and Ali—nephew and son-in-law of the Prophet —born after her brothers Al-Hassan and Al-Hussein. Though the Prophet  died when she was about five years old, her love for him never waned.

As she grew older, many sought her hand in marriage, desiring to be joined with the family of the Messenger of Allah . However, her father waited until a man of equal standing came to propose: her cousin, Abdullâh ibn Ja'far ibn Abi Ṭâlib.

Though Abdullâh became a wealthy man, Zaynab herself was a woman who lived simply. With her husband’s support, she used her wealth to provide support for the vulnerable and the needy; it is said that she owned a house which she did not keep for herself to live in, but used as a shelter for vulnerable women, orphans, and the elderly.

In addition, she was a woman who memorized the Quran and was known for her knowledge of the dîn; she regularly held classes where she taught the women of Madinah—and later, Kûfa—though her knowledge was known even to the men. Ibn Abbas related aḥâdîth upon her authority.

Her nephew, Zayn Al-Âbidin, referred to her as, âlima ghayr mu'allama (‘she who has knowledge without being taught’). She was a woman of piety and had a deep love for worshipping Allah, spending her nights in prayer and her days fasting. People around her spoke of her as âbida (the worshiper), zâhida (the ascetic), faṣiḥa (the skillfully fluent), and balîgha (intensely eloquent).

Thus, long before any of the troubling political incidents during her father’s khilâfa (caliphate, rule) and the subsequent years, Zaynab bint Ali ibn Abi Ṭâlib was a woman whose piety, good character, and knowledge were already known. She was a beloved wife who was supported by her husband; a sister whose older brothers consulted her for her wisdom in many matters.

However, the swiftly changing political landscape of the Islamic empire was inescapable, especially for Zaynab. Her father’s assassination and the death of her brother Al-Ḥassan came as devastating blows to herself and to the Ummah; Al-Ḥussain then gathered his family together, including his sister Zaynab and her children, and together they traveled from Madinah to Makkah. After the uneasy truce during the khilâfa of Mu'âwiyah ibn Abi Sufyân, the ascension of Yazîd ibn Mu'âwiyah as khalîfa (caliph) resulted in far more overt turmoil. Once again, Al-Ḥussain decided to travel, and his family refused to stay behind – the men, women, and children all formed a caravan and made their way to Iraq, where the people of Kûfa had promised their allegiance to the grandson of the Prophet.

Alas, once the members of Ahl Al-Bayt arrived, they found to their shock a completely different state of affairs than what they were expecting – rather than a loyal group of the twelve thousand people who had already sworn bay'â (oath of allegiance) to Al-Ḥussain, barely a hundred people remained at Al-Ḥussain’s side. Betrayed by the people of Kûfa, they found themselves driven towards Karbala, where every member of Al-Ḥussain’s household knew full well what stark reality awaited them.

Yazîd ibn Mu'âwiyah had dispatched an army of 4,000 soldiers under the command of Ibn Ziyad, a ruthless military general and politician. There, in the desolate plains of Karbala, Al-Ḥussain and Zaynab bint Abi Ṭâlib sat together in their tent, their children gathered around them, knowing full well that this night might be their last together as a family. Sorrowful yet firm in their faith in Allah, they knew that their qadar (destiny) could not be averted. Though tears fell from Zaynab’s eyes, she spent the night in prayer seeking the support of her Lord alone.

The next morning, on the 10th of Muḥarram –the day that Musa had been saved from Pharaoh—Allah gave Al-Ḥussain a victory of his own: shahada, martyrdom in the cause of justice against oppression. The death of Al-Ḥussain was, in and of itself, a lesson to the Ummah: to understand that though injustice and oppression may seem to be powerful today, just as they seemed powerful when Al-Ḥussain was killed, Allah alone is the Most Powerful. Victory in the sight of Allah does not always mean that the enemies of Islam are immediately destroyed with a miracle, but that their destruction in the Hereafter will be eternal and all the more painful.

The Story of the 10th of Muharram

Zaynab bint Ali’s jihâd, however, did not end on the Day of Âshûra’. On that day, she lost her youngest son and her brother both; as though that were not enough grief to bear, she and her remaining family members were captured by Ibn Ziyâd and brought to him as prisoners of war.

Dignified even in seeming defeat, Zaynab’s demeanor irritated Ibn Ziyâd, who snapped, “Who is this woman?”

Her slave girl responded, “This is Zaynab, daughter of Fatimah, daughter of the Messenger of Allah .”

Sneering, Ibn Ziyâd said, “Praise be to Allah who humiliated and killed you all.”

Eyes flashing, Zaynab responded,

Rather, praise be to Allah Who honored us with His prophet and thoroughly purified us from filth! It is only the morally corrupt who are humiliated by Allah and the depraved who are disproven, and those are not us, O Ibn Ziyâd!

Angered, Ibn Ziyâd asked her, “How do you find what Allah has done with your family?”

Steadfast as ever, she replied:

They were appointed death and thus went forth to their resting places. Allah will gather [a gathering] between them and you, and you will dispute with each other before Him on Resurrection Day.

Discomfited and taken aback, Ibn Ziyâd turned his attention to Zaynab’s nephew, Zayn Al-Âbidîn ibn Al-Ḥussain, who had been severely injured during the battle. “Who are you?” Ibn Ziyâd demanded to know.

As dignified as his aunt, the young boy answered,

I am Ali ibn Al-Ḥussain.

“Didn’t Allah kill Ali ibn Al-Ḥussain?” Ibn Ziyâd retorted.

“I had an older brother named Ali [ibn Al-Ḥussain] whom your men killed,” Zayn Al-Âbidîn said calmly.

Ibn Ziyâd snapped, “Rather, Allah killed him!”

The boy recited Qur’anic verses in response:

Allah takes the souls at the time of their death. [Sûrat Al-Zumar, 39:42]

No soul can ever die except by Allah’s leave and at a term appointed. [Sûrat Âl Imrân, 3:145]

Furious, Ibn Ziyâd summoned his executioner and commanded that the boy be killed immediately. Zaynab immediately stepped forward and drew her nephew into her embrace, declaring for all to hear,

O Ibn Ziyâd, if this is the case, then kill me with him!

Knowing that to have a defenseless woman killed would be a mark against his own reputation, Ibn Ziyâd commented sourly, “What kind of kinship is this? I think that it is as if she wants me to kill her! Leave him be.”

After this altercation with Ibn Ziyâd, the household of Zaynab bint Ali was sent to Syria to face Yazîd ibn Mu'âwiyah himself. As they were brought forth to his court, a member of Yazîd’s entourage caught sight of Zaynab’s niece, Fâṭimah bint Al-Ḥussain—a beautiful young woman—and demanded that she be given to him as a gift.

Infuriated by this disregard for the dignity of her family—the family of the Prophet, Zaynab bint Ali once again strode forward and spoke fearlessly:

This is neither your right nor his!” she declared to Yazîd.

Angered in turn, Yazîd snarled, “You have lied. This is certainly my right, and if I wanted to [give her to him], I would.”

“No, by Allah!” Zaynab swore, “Allah did not permit you this unless she leaves our faith and practices another religion.”

“How dare you direct such speech toward me!” Yazîd exploded. “The only ones who left the religion are your father and brother!”

“It is through the religion of my father, brother, and grandfather that you, your father, and your grandfather were guided,” Zaynab parried. She paused, and then delivered the speech that became famed throughout history for its eloquence, its ferocity, and its passion.

The Speech Before the Khalifah

The granddaughter of Prophet Muhammad, had just spoken truth to power—in front of Yazîd ibn Mu'âwiyah, the khalîfa, the Umayyad ruler in Syria (Part 1). Zaynab bint Ali paused, and then delivered the speech that became famed throughout history for its eloquence, its ferocity, and its passion.

Allah and His Messenger have spoken the truth, O Yazîd!

Then evil was the consequence to those who dealt in evil, because they denied the revelations of Allah and made a mock of them. [Sûrat Al-Rûm, 30:10]

O Yazîd, did you really think that when we were shackled by the corners of the earth and the sky’s canopies—such that we were herded about as prisoners are herded—that we were humiliated with Allah while you held a position of honor, and that this is due to the greatness of your rank? You turn your nose up at others and look at yourself in exuberant exultation as you see the world lain out before you and your affairs proceeding harmoniously. What you have actually been given is respite and lavishness, but this is the statement of Allah (Glorified and Exalted):

Let not the Unbelievers think that Our respite to them is good for themselves: We grant them respite that they may grow in their iniquity; But they will have a shameful punishment.[Sûrat Âl Imrân, 3:178]

Is it just, O Son of Freedmen, that you keep your wives and female slaves in seclusion while you parade around the daughters of the Messenger of Allah having removed their protective layers and forcing them to raise their voices —depressed, scurried about on camels, enemies guiding them from place to place, unguarded and unsheltered, watched equally by strangers and familiar people, and without a guardian from among their men-folk? How would it even be possible for someone who looks toward us with insolence, hatred, grudges, and malevolence to slow down the pursuit of our abuse?

Did you actually say—without feeling guilty or deeming it significant— “If only lords of mine at Badr could see” while scraping Abu ‘Abdullah’s teeth with your walking stick? How could you be otherwise when you have scraped the scab off the wound and nipped us in the bud by spilling the blood of the progeny of the Messenger of Allah and the stars of the earth from the family of Abd Al-Muṭṭalib? Soon you will most certainly gather together with them before Allah, and you will most certainly wish that you had been blind, mute and did not say, “They’d cry repeatedly with joy.”

O Allah, take the matter of our rights into Your Hands and avenge us of those who have wronged us!

By Allah, you have not run away except within your own skin, and you have not cut anything other than your own flesh. You will come before the Messenger of Allah despite yourself while his flesh and blood are in the Divine Sanctuary on a day when they will be united after having been dispersed. For Allah (Glorified and Exalted) says,

Think not of those who are slain in God’s way as dead. Nay, they live, finding their sustenance in the presence of their Lord. [Sûrat Âl Imrân, 3:169]

Those who positioned and affirmed you in your authority over the lives of Believers will soon know—when Allah is the judge, Muhammad is the plaintiff, and your own wounds bear witness against you for (“evil is the exchange for the wrong-doers” and “who is worst in position and weakest in forces!”)

And even though I deem you to be of paltry worth and heinous anger, our eyes flow and our chests burn. This does not compensate or benefit us as al-Hussain has been killed. The Party of Satan has brought us before the Party of Fools in order to give them the property of Allah as payment for them violating matters made sacred by Allah. Such hands drip with our blood; such mouths nurse from our flesh; and such pure bodies are preyed upon at night by roaming wolves.

So if you take us as booty, you will be held liable when you find nothing other than your own actions before you, screaming, “O Ibn Marjânah[i],” just as he screams for you.  

By Allah, I am afraid of nothing other than Allah, nor do I complain to anyone other than Allah. So scheme away, sally forth, and exert your utmost effort. By Allah, nothing will ever wash away the shame of what you have done to us.

And all praise is due to Allah Who sealed the lives of the masters of the young men of the Gardens with felicity and forgiveness, thereby guaranteeing them Paradise. I ask Allah to raise their ranks and to guarantee them an increase from His largesse, for He is the Omnipotent Guarantor.”[ii]

The Response from the Khalîfa

The words of Zaynab bint ‘Ali echoed throughout the palace, and Yazîd ibn Mu'âwiyah remained silent. Such was the granddaughter of RasûlAllah: unafraid, even in a position of seeming defeat and humiliation, to speak words of truth to an individual who clearly had no hesitation in demanding the blood of his opponents. And such was the baraka (blessings) of her words that, rather than punishing her, Yazîd released her household and returned their wealth to them.

In fact, he was so moved by her words that as the people of Ahl Al-Bayt prepared for their next journey, Yazîd took Zaynab’s nephew Zayn Al-Âbidîn aside to express his remorse for the treatment of the Prophet’s family during the events of the 10th of Muharram and its aftermath.

May Allah curse Ibn Marjânah. Lo, by Allah! Had I been one of your father’s companions, he would never have asked me for anything except that I would have given it to him, and I would have protected him from death with everything I could, even if it meant that one of my sons had to perish. However, Allah decreed what you witnessed, my young son. Write to me from Madinah with all your needs.”

Zaynab and her family chose to go back to Madinah, but their stay was cut short. Alarmed by the reaction of the people of Madinah to Zaynab’s return, the governor Umar ibn Sa'îd wrote swiftly to Yazîd, saying:

The presence of Zaynab in Madinah arouses people’s emotions and roils their thoughts because she is eloquent and intelligent. When she talks, she grabs their undivided attention, and when she delivers a speech, she enchants their minds and hearts. It is possible that she will request justice for the spilling of Al-Hussein’s blood, which will have undesirable effects and ramifications that only Allah knows.

Finally, she retired to Egypt, where she devoted the last years of her life to worshiping Allah, embodying once more her title of âbida.

What We Owe to Ourselves

Thus was Zaynab bint Ali ibn Abi Ṭâlib: a woman in whose veins ran the blood of the Messenger of Allah, whose tongue recited the Words of Allah, whose life was marked by sorrow and grief without end – yet whose faith never wavered, whose courage never diminished, whose dignity never faded.

It is all too easy to end her story on such a note, to admire her as a heroine without peer, to place her upon a pedestal and leave her there. However, her life was much more than just a fascinating historical incident – rather, it is a sign for us to reflect upon, a lesson for us to learn from.

Ahl Al-Bayt. Karbala. Al-Ḥassan. Al-Ḥussain. Yazîd. These terms and names tend to make many of us feel uncomfortable, referencing incidents in the history of the Muslim Ummah both painful and polarizing. The aftereffects of those events continue to be felt today, and are considered to be one of the main reasons for the difference between Ahl Al-Sunnah wa Al-Jamâ'ah, and the Shî'a. Outside of academia, the topic usually arises in Muharram and the Day of ‘Ashura’ – and even then, the focus for Ahl Al-Sunnah lies not in discussing what took place at Karbala, but on the Sunnah of fasting the 9th and 10th of Muḥarram.

However, it is time that we of Ahl Al-Sunnah question why we shy away from speaking aboutAhl Al-Bayt –the family of RasûlAllah including his grandchildren Al-Hassan, Al-Hussein, and Zaynab bint Ali–when we are the ones who should love them most. Their stories are our stories to know; their lives are examples for us to learn from.

Furthermore, we have spent far too long focusing on the Shî'i vs. Sunni aspect of the events of Karbala without once stopping to think about what we have to learn from it about ourselves – about our tendency to deflect, to avoid acknowledging difficult realities in our Ummah, to avoid taking responsibility for ourselves and our own mistakes. We owe it to ourselves, to our Ummah, to come to terms with this sordid history—and actively to stop perpetuating its fallout. How?

Zaynab bint Ali was a powerful figure because she called out the brutality of Muslims towards other Muslims, towards the family of RasûlAllah himself. Today, we might not be harming Ahl Al-Bayt, personally, ourselves, but this Ummah is supposed to be one body, and we need look no further than our own masajid to see the pain we have wrought amongst ourselves.

The pulpits of our masâjid have become bastions of sectarian politics, where it is considered dangerous to make du'â’ for the Muslims oppressed by our own leaders, and where support for homicidal tyrants murdering their own people is not seen as a bizarre aberration. Sisi and Bashar Al-Assad are the names we speak today, but this is not a new phenomenon: Mu‘ammar Gaddafi, Husni Mubarak, Saddam Hussein, and so many more – uncountable names, for so many generations. Nay, we Muslims, we who claim to follow the Sunnah of RasûlAllah, are the ones who uphold oppression against each other out of petty worldly greed, preferring politics over piety.

Much of our reluctance to speak about the events of Karbala, to learn about the lives of Ahl Al-Bayt and what was done to them, is a reflection of our general weakness in being hesitant to admit that Muslims can and do turn on each other because of power and politics, and use din as a justification for dunyawi goals.

The story of Zaynab bint ‘Ali has very little to do with Shî'a vs. Ahl Al-Sunnah, and everything to do with learning what it means to face the harsh realities of our Ummah. Her spirit and her words, her devotion to Allah and her refusal to accept quiet defeat, should inspire us to have the courage and determination to speak against the wrongdoing that we commit amongst ourselves.

We cannot claim to be obedient to Allah or to love His Messenger when we are the ones who abuse each other – politically or financially, within our homes and within our marriages. There is no outward enemy to blame for the Muslims in our own communities who are being beaten and abused by their own spouses because we are not providing them with the support they need; there is no one else to blame when we support political parties or individuals whose concern is not justice, but power over the masses.

Like Zaynab bint Ali, we must be ready to prove our sincerity of faith by being willing to experience hardship and difficulty for the sake of Allah – seeking His Pleasure alone, finding our honor not in trifling political tidbits or the advantages of financial gain, but in living His din and striving to fulfill what it means to be the khulafâ’ (guardians) of this earth.

We are currently the Ibn Ziyad’s of our Ummah, but we can also be its Zaynab’s… if only we have the courage to live like the forgotten heroes and heroines of our past.

Ashura: the Victory of Musa & the Victory of Hussain

The month of Muharram has begun, but rather than jumping on the 'happy Islamic new year' bandwagon, we must always go back to the ultimate source: the Qur'an and Sunnah.

It is Allah who created the months of the year and it is He alone who chooses which of those months are sacred, and which of those days are meant to be days of celebration and commemoration. In the Sunnah of RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam), we have ample evidence of specific examples: the month of Ramadan, the last ten nights of Ramadan, the first ten days of Dhul Hijjah (including the day of Arafah and the day of Nahr), and so on.

Muharram is one of those months, but never did RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) or his Companions take the first day of the 'Islamic new year' as something to commemorate or make special note of. Rather, it is the day of Ashuraa' - the 10th of Muharram - that is marked as being of significant importance in Islam.
(In short: "Happy Islamic New Year" is not a Sunnah.)

- Ashuraa', the 10th of Muharram, was specifically mentioned by RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) as being a day to be remembered.

When the Prophet arrived at Medina, the Jews were observing the fast on 'Ashura' (10th of Muharram) and they said, "This is the day when Moses became victorious over Pharaoh," On that, the Prophet said to his companions, "You (Muslims) have more right to celebrate Moses' victory than they have, so observe the fast on this day." (Bukhari)

"Fast the Day of Ashura, for indeed I anticipate that Allah will forgive (the sins of) the year before it." (Tirmidhi)

Hafsah said: ""There are four things which the Prophet never gave up: Fasting 'Ashura', (fasting during) the ten days, (fasting) three days of each month, and praying two Rak'ahs before Al-Ghadah (Fajr)." (Nasa'i)
 
- The 10th of Muharram has significance in later Islamic history as well. Though we must first and foremost understand that the act of 'ebaadah specified for this day is as described above - a practice of RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) related to the victory of Musa ('alayhissalaam) over Fir'awn - we must never forget the rest of our history as well.

The story of Hussain ibn Ali (radhiAllahu 'anhu) is not one that belongs to only a certain group of people; it belongs to the Ummah as a whole, and in particular, those who profess to be of Ahlus Sunnah wa'l Jamaa'ah - those who must, by necessity, love RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) and his Ahlul Bayt.

It is one of the sad aspects of our community that we tend to shy away from speaking about the story of Hussain (radhiAllahu 'anhu), perhaps out of an exaggerated fear of being associated with the Shi'ah and the many bid'ah that have arisen related to the incident. Rather, we have an obligation to be honest to our history, to be true to it, and to learn from it - for verily, Allah is al-Qaadir, the One Who decrees events to take place, and it is we who must understand the ayaat (signs) that He has placed in those moments.

- The story of Hussain is not one that is in opposition to the story of Musa ('alayhissalaam), but in fact confirms it, and confirms the spirit of 'Ashuraa. That spirit is one of struggle against falsehood, oppression, and injustice; and of victory.

Musa ('alayhissalaam) stood against Fir'awn; a humble Prophet with a community of former slaves facing the most powerful ruler of the time and his vast army of brutal soldiers.
Hussain ibn Ali (radhiAllahu 'anhu) stood against Yazeed ibn Mu'awiyah; the grandson of the Messenger of Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) and his family members facing the ruler of the Islamic empire at the time, and his vast army of soldiers loyal to his cause.

Neither Musa nor Hussain were military leaders or set out with military intentions. Their only intention was to speak truth to power; to stand against the oppression of the innocent; to remind those in authority of the One with true power over all.

Whereas Musa ('alayhissalaam) was given a clear victory against his enemy, little do we realize that al-Hussain was also given a victory of his own. Though he may have perished, though his family was captured, and though it was perceived that the political influence of Ahlul Bayt was destroyed, Allah brought about an even greater victory through all of that: recognition for the rest of the Ummah, and for hundreds of years to come, that Allah returns to Himself those whom He loves. Al-Hussain died as a shaheed for the sake of Allah, and he remains a symbol of courage, determination, and justice to us all.

In a time when we are seeing Muslims across the world being destroyed almost effortlessly, the story of al-Hussain and the seventy-two members of his family being massacred and captured is a story which we must remind ourselves of... not that we lose hope, but that we hold strong to it.
{And do not say about those who are killed in the way of Allah, "They are dead." Rather, they are alive, but you perceive [it] not.} (Qur'an 2:154)
Injustice and oppression may seem to be powerful today, just as they seemed to powerful when al-Hussain was killed, but Allah alone is the Most Powerful.

Thus, even the story of al-Hussain ibn Ali should not be a cause for us to mourn on Ashuraa', but to rejoice: to remember his predecessor, Musa ('alayhissalaam) and his victory, and to remember that victory in the sight of Allah does not always mean that the enemies of Islam are immediately destroyed with a miracle, but that their destruction in the Hereafter will be eternal and all the more painful.

‪#‎Muharram‬
‪#‎Ashuraa‬
‪#‎StickToTheSunnahAndTheSeerah‬
‪#‎BidahJustAintWorthIt‬

Tending the Hearth

Husbands gone to work or to war; long hours stretching into days, weeks, and months during which wives and mothers spend their days single-handedly raising their children and going to sleep in beds unwarmed by their men. Grueling journeys from one country to another; packing up not just clothing and utensils, but memories and dreams, it is women who find themselves binding their families together and fighting to create a new life and a stronger bond wherever Qadr takes them across the globe.
These are the women of the frontlines – not necessarily the women wielding swords and bandages, but those whose battles are fought on a different front, where their wounds are often invisible but no less painful than physical scars. These are the women who are left to tend the hearth but who tend to others’ hearts as well; the hearts of their husbands and children, while their own hearts struggle to remain strong.

Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays (radhiAllahu ‘anha) was one such a woman. She accepted Islam in its earliest days in Makkah, as a young bride to one of RasulAllah’s cousins, Ja’far ibn Abi Talib (radhiAllahu ‘anhu). Instead of a romantic honeymoon, Asmaa’ and her husband experienced something much more memorable – the first hijrah to Abyssinia for the sake of Allah alone. They were amongst the first Muslim expats, as it were, establishing both their marriage and their home in a country foreign to them in every way, from language and food to faith and culture.

As anyone who has traveled and lived abroad knows, the adjustment is never easy, and it was infinitely more difficult for Asmaa’, her husband, and the other Muslim emigrants who not only had to contend with culture shock, but also with the fear of the Quraysh coming after them, and longing for the company of RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and the Divine Revelation that came to him.

Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays spent fifteen years in Abyssinia with her husband Ja’far, raising not only her three sons, but an entire community of Muslims who clung together and held firm to the Deen of Islam. They received communication from RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi sallam), messages which shared with them the latest verses that had been revealed, as well as words of comfort, support, and advice.

Finally, the long-awaited command came: RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was calling his beloved Companions to their new home, Madinah al-Munawwarah. After over a decade in Abyssinia, leaving must have been yet another bittersweet parting for Asmaa’ and her band of emigrants. Even so, they understood the transient nature of this world, and in obedience to the Messenger of Allah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), once again uprooted themselves and took the arduous journey back to yet another foreign land.

Returning to the land of the Arabs didn’t mean an end to the difficulty, however. As one of RasulAllah’s most beloved and trusted Companions, Ja’far ibn Abi Talib was often on the frontlines of the many military expeditions that the Muslims were engaged in. At the Battle of Mu’tah, RasulAllah established a chain of command: Zayd ibn Haarith, Ja’far ibn Abi Talib, and Abdullah ibn Rawaahah. If Zayd were to fall, Ja’far was to take his place – and that is exactly what happened. At the end of the battle, the Muslims were victorious… but all three commanders were martyred, and Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays was left a widow, the mother of orphaned sons.

Wracked with grief, Asmaa’ soon realized that although the battle was over, the war in her heart had only just begun. Her fight now was to raise her sons with the same unwavering faith that her husband had died with, and the same resilience and strength she herself had displayed when they had made the choice to move to and live in Abyssinia. Asmaa’s struggle as a newly single mother was recognized by RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), who comforted her.

Abdullah ibn Ja’far (one of the sons of Asmaa' and Ja'far) narrates:

“The Messenger of Allah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)  gave Ja'far's family some time to mourn over his death and then visited them saying, ‘Do not cry over my brother after this day.’ He then said, ‘Bring the children of my brother to me,’ and we were brought to him like young birds. He then said, ‘Call the barber for me!’ And the barber came and shaved our heads.

The Messenger of Allah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) then said, “As for Muhammed (one of Ja’far’s brothers), he looks like our uncle Abu Talib, as for ‘Abdullah he resembles me. O Allah! Be the supporter of Ja’far’s family and bless ‘Abdullah (his son) in the transactions undertaken by his hands.” The Prophet (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) repeated this three times.

Then our mother came and mentioned how her children were now orphans and began crying. The Messenger of Allah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)) said to her, “Asmaa’, are you afraid of poverty for them while I am their guardian in this world and in the hereafter?”

(Source: “Women Around the Messenger,” Muhammad Ali Qutb)

Asmaa’ remained a single mother for some time, dedicated to both her sons and her community, determined to be an active participant of the rapidly growing Muslim Ummah.

Allah didn’t leave her alone for long, however – roughly a year later, after the Battle of Hunayn, Abu Bakr (radhiAllahu ‘anhu) proposed to Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays. She accepted his offer of marriage, and they soon developed a relationship of respect, trust and love, such that when Abu Bakr was on his deathbed, he made it clear that he wished Asmaa’ alone to bathe his body and prepare it for his janaazah.

After Abu Bakr’s death, Asmaa’ once again had to contend with being a widow and a single mother for the second time. Yet again, though, a worthy man stepped up to take his place at her side as a righteous husband – this time, it was Ali ibn Abi Talib (radhiAllahu anhu), who was to be the last of her husbands.

The stories of Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays’ life are not unique ones: immigration, financial struggles, the unspoken but still raw difficulty of raising a family, crisis, loss, grief… these are situations experienced by hundreds of thousands of women every day, across the world. These are the battles that women fight on a daily basis, the frontlines that they live on, and they are struggles to be recognized and honoured for being every bit as glorious and worthy of Allah’s Pleasure as other, more glamorous life challenges.

Women like Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays are not alone, but they are unique when it comes to how they tend their hearths and homes while war rages within themselves and outside in the wide world – with the remembrance of Allah no matter how weary the heart may grow, and seeking His guidance in this world and the Hereafter. It is these women – women who truly follow the footsteps of Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays, with blood, sweat and tears as well as laughter and love, emaan and taqwa – who are truly forgotten heroines in our midst. 

More Than Just A Teacher

The issue of puberty and sex education is a contentious one in the Muslim community. For the last several generations (at the very least), Muslim cultures have made sex a taboo subject and it is rare to find, even today, Muslim parents who discuss these issues openly, honestly, and positively with their children.

Unfortunately, this has created a toxic and dangerous environment for Muslim youth - one where discussing even the basic facts of life is not just uncomfortable, but nearly impossible to do with one's parents or other Muslim elders. As a result, we find youth who get their sex ed from unsavoury sources instead... kids at school, social media, and pop culture; all of which put forth unhealthy attitudes regarding sexuality - in fact, most of the beliefs and attitudes taught are in direct contradiction to Islam.

Yet how can we blame the youth for seeking out this (mis)information, when we - the adults - are the ones at fault? How can we blame kids for not knowing and understanding the basic rulings of puberty, of tahaarah, of sexuality, when we're the ones who have failed to teach them from the beginning?

The Sunnah of RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and his Companions was very different when it came to teaching the youth – and the adults – around them about puberty, sexuality, and related issues.
Previously, I have written about the story of Umayyah bint Qays, who got her first period while accompanying RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) on a journey, and how he dealt with that situation.

There is another narration that deals with the flip side – a young man who had just reached puberty, going to a woman, and asking about a relevant ruling.

'Abd al-Rahman ibn al-Aswad narrates:

"My father used to send me to A'ishah and (as a child) I used to go to her (i.e. beyond the curtain). When I became adult (i.e. reached puberty; became baaligh), I came to her and called to her from behind the curtain: "O Umm al-Mu'mineen, when does the bath become compulsory?"
She said: "So, you have done it, O Luka'! And (in answer to the question), when the private parts conjoin."
(Al-Dhahabi in Siyar A'lam an-Nubala)

This narration demonstrates a very unique relationship – that of a young boy and an unrelated (non-Mahram) woman. Although ‘Abd al-Rahman first spent time with A’ishah when he was a pre-pubescent boy, he didn’t cut off his relationship with her as soon as he reached puberty… nor was he shy or embarrassed to approach her immediately.
In turn, from A’ishah’s response, it is evident that she was fond of him, and that their relationship was close enough that she teased him gently about becoming a man according to the Shari’ah. SubhanAllah!

How many Muslim youth – boys and girls alike – feel comfortable enough to approach an elder of the same gender, let alone of the opposite sex? How many of them feel that they won’t be scolded or treated harshly, but rather showered with affection and treated with kindness? The importance of ‘safe spaces,’ of individuals whom youth can trust regardless of whether they’re family or not, cannot be overstated.

One would expect that A’ishah (radhiAllahu ‘anha), the Mother of Believers, the ultimate scholar of her time, would be far too busy with more important matters than to teach young children, let alone develop a safe, trusting relationship with them. Instead, she devoted her time and effort to creating this type of relationship not just with young girls, but young boys such as ‘Abd ar-Rahman ibn al-Aswad.
Building and maintaining such a relationship isn’t a one-off thing; it requires long-term investment and true, sincere interest in the life of young children as they grow up and go through numerous challenges and growing pains. It requires being there for them through thick and thin, proving to them that we care about them, and will be there in a supportive manner through even the most awkward of stages.

Sadly, many Muslim adults feel uncomfortable to build that kind of relationship with youth who aren’t their own children, let alone discuss sensitive issues like sexual education. But then – how can we ever expect them to trust us and learn about those very important matters from an Islamic perspective? We need to be more than just teachers who provide sterile facts and dire warnings; we need to be sources of safety, security, and reassurance.

It is time for us to recreate an Islamic environment for our youth: one where talking about puberty and sex isn’t a shameful thing; one wherein a young girl can get her period for the first time around a non-Mahram male, and feel safe with him; and a young boy can admit to a non-Mahram woman that he has reached puberty, and feel comfortable doing so.

When we’re finally able to talk to our youth about puberty, sex, and all that it entails, in a manner that is appropriate and comfortable, we will finally be able to raise a generation of Muslims who understand both the beauty and responsibilities of physical maturity – a generation of Muslims who will, in turn, be ready to step up and be heroes and heroines in their own right.

Zainab bint Younus (AnonyMouse) is a young woman who finds constant inspiration in the lives of the Sahabiyaat and other great women in Islamic history. She hopes that every Muslimah is able to identify with the struggles of these inspirational women and follow in their footsteps to become a part of a new generation of powerful Muslim women. She blogs at http://www.thesalafifeminist.blogspot.com

Daddy's Little Princess

“Daddy’s little girl” is spoiled, coddled, and cuddled as a child – but what happens when she’s no longer a little girl, but growing up into a young woman?

Amongst the many family dynamics issues that the Muslim community is beginning to address, one of the least-discussed subjects remains that of father-daughter relationships.

It is an issue which has been overlooked, ignored, and generally treated with a sense of discomfort. Particularly amongst immigrant families, the relationship between a father and his daughter(s) is often a distant one; girls are encouraged to spend the majority of their time with their mothers and other womenfolk.

A girl might be “Daddy's little princess” as a baby, a toddler, a child, but as she grows closer to puberty she will often find herself left at home instead of taken to the masjid, attention deflected from her and turned towards her brothers instead (if she has any). This practice not only has extremely negative repercussions – for the fathers, the daughters, and indeed the Ummah at large – but is also against the Sunnah of RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam).

RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) had four daughters, all of whom he loved dearly; yet the greatest amount of narrations regarding his relationship with them is specifically in regards to his youngest daughter, Fatimah bint Muhammad.

Fatimah (radhiAllahu ‘anha) was approximately seven or eight years old when she used to accompany her father to the Ka’bah, where he often went to worship. In some regions and communities, it is as this very age where many fathers stop taking their daughters with them to public places – especially the masjid. As girls reach the end of their childhoods and inch closer towards the onset of puberty, many fathers prefer to start distancing themselves both physically and distantly from their daughters. Instead, girls are encouraged to spend more time with their mothers, learning ‘womanly skills.’

In pre-Islamic Arabia, it was almost unheard of for fathers to be deeply involved with their daughters; unfortunately, it remains the case even today in many parts of the world. RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), however, was a mercy to mankind who came to revolutionize the world… and that included revolutionizing the concept of fatherhood.

As Fatimah grew older, RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) never pushed her away or minimized his relationship with her. In fact, if anything, their bond only grew stronger.

The historian Ibn 'Abdullah writes that whenever RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) came back from any journey or after taking part in a battle, he would first go to the his Mosque in Madinah and pray two rak’aat (units), and then visit his daughter Fatimah and then visit his wives.

Imagine the type of fatherly love that caused RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) to choose to see his daughter even before his wives! The wives themselves did not feel any resentment or animosity regarding this, however, because they understood the importance of the relationship between RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and Fatimah (radhiAllahu ‘anha).

A'ishah (radhiAllahu anha) commented, “I have not seen any one of God's creation resemble the Messenger of God more in speech, conversation and manner of sitting than Fatimah, may God be pleased with her. When the Prophet saw her approaching, he would welcome her, stand up and kiss her, take her by the hand and sit her down in the place where he was sitting.” (Siyar A’laam an-Nubalaa)

Even amongst Muslim fathers who do have good relationships with their daughters, some may feel shy or embarrassed to show it or discuss it publicly due to culture-based embarrassment. RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), however, was never shy to publicly profess his love and affection for those dearest to him.

When Ali ibn Abi Talib admitted that he was considering marrying another wife, RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) ascended the minbar and declared:

“Whoever pleased Fatimah has indeed pleased God and whoever has caused her to be angry has indeed angered God. Fatimah is a part of me. Whatever pleases her pleases me and whatever angers her angers me.” (Narrated by al-Bukhāri, 3437; Muslim, 4483)

The role of a father in his daughter's life is pivotal: he is the first man in her life; the one who teaches her what he, a male, thinks of her, a female; and thus shapes her sense of self-worth in the eyes of other men; the one whose behaviour and mannerisms will influence her mental image of “the perfect man” and her choice of life partner.

Due to many unfortunate cultural standards, Muslim men often don’t realize this, or that the Sunnah of RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) reflected the ideal relationship that every father should have with their daughter(s).

Some of the greatest heroines of Islam – including Fatimah (radhiAllahu ‘anha) – had the strength, courage, and faith that they did because their fathers invested time, love, and du’a in them. Fatherhood is not just a beautiful gift from Allah, but an honour. A father’s relationship with his daughters could very well be a means of him entering Jannah… and of raising the next generation of heroines of Islam.

RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

“Whoever has two daughters and treats them kindly, they will be a protection for him against the Fire.” (Ahmad, Ibn Majah)