Gheerah & Qawaamah - Between Misogyny and Ihsaan

'Gheerah' and 'qawaamah' are two terms which elicit a variety of reactions - on one extreme, they're used to browbeat women into complete silence and diminish their own self-worth, and on the other, they are derided as being misogynistic and antithetical to all women with self-respect.

The issue, however, is less that of the actual concepts of gheerah (honourable protectiveness) and qawaamah (committed responsibility based on justice) than how they've been co-opted, misinterpreted, and abused - and, even amongst those who have not used them to abuse, there has been poor communication and explanation of those terms.

While I have discussed each term in detail and in separate articles, I did want to emphasize that what we don't seem to understand is that within an Islamic context, both gheerah and qawaamah are meant to facilitate stronger, happier, and healthier marriages.

When gheerah is displayed by a man for his wife, it shouldn't be done in a controlling, irrational manner that has nothing behind it except a negative type of possessiveness. Men and women both have preferences for their spouses - and instead of viewing it as a competition for control, it should be seen as a sign of love, care, and concern for each other.

Rather than 'laying the smackdown,' if a man cares about his marriage, he should actually communicate with his wife *why* he has certain preferences and requests. Even if she doesn't agree with them, the very act of communication and discussion (assuming that, too, is done healthily) will engender positivity and an appreciation for the concern being displayed.
Men should also keep in mind that just as they make requests of their wives, they ought to respect their wives' requests of them - as Abdullah ibn 'Abbas (radhiAllahu 'anhu) said, "I love to do for my wife as I expect her to do for me."

When qawaamah is correctly implemented as well (and I shall forbear from using analogies such as 'CEO of the household' or going into detail over my own specialized theory about it......... ahem), and when a man has sincere intentions to *not* abuse his power, it is highly unlikely that a woman would become resentful.
To the contrary, a competent qawwaam is the type of man who earns respect from those around him - a man who does not flaunt his authority, but ensures that his wife knows that she is respected in turn and considered to be a meaningful partner in their relationship and their household.

The concepts of gheerah and qawaamah are not something we should be ashamed about, but something we *do* need to be aware about and implement correctly.

I for one understand all too well why and how many women have an averse reaction to the very idea of these words - the Muslim Ummah has far too many brutal examples of the abuse committed in the names of gheerah and qawaamah.

Unfortunately, too many people of knowledge and authority have also remained silent in the face of this abuse and done little to alleviate it, choosing to place greater importance on the authority of irresponsible, oppressive men than on the need to enforce 'adl (justice) in the Ummah.

One cannot throw around words like qawaamah and gheerah without linking them to, and emphasizing, the need for Ihsaan that comes with them. We cannot have lectures about 'the ideal Islamic marriage' and tell women to accept the unconditional authority of men without first addressing the men themselves - ingraining in them the severity of what the position of qawaamah entails, and the brutal consequences in the Aakhirah for abusing it.

The Qur'an speaks about marriage in positive terms - why else would words such as 'mawaddah' and 'rahmah' be used? - and we cannot isolate related terms and concepts from the holistic approach that was embodied in the life of RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam).

Allah wishes only good for us - He wants our relationships with each other to be based on love for Him, and compassion with each other - and only by understanding these types of ideas in such a light will we be able to move forward from shallow, one-dimensional, and frankly dangerous interpretations and towards something which exemplifies the spirit of Islam.

Gheerah: Selfish Jealousy or Honourable Protectiveness?

One of the most incorrectly translated and misunderstood concepts related to social issues is that of gheerah.

Commonly translated as 'jealousy' (and limited to men), the term 'gheerah' has unfortunately been used to justify extremely controlling and even abusive behavior from men towards their wives or other women over whom they wield authority.

A better translation of gheerah is 'honourable protectiveness' rather than jealousy... a Muslim man's gheerah is a deep sense of selfless honour that ensures his chivalric behaviour and respects the dignity of the women around him. It is a sense of sincere concern and protectiveness that doesn't extend to being controlling or abusive.

One example of gheerah done right is illustrated in the famous story of azZubayr ibn al-‘Awwam and Asma bint Abi Bakr. Though Asma refused a ride from RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) himself due to her consideration for azZubayr, her husband was the one who wept and told her that it would have been preferable to him if she had ridden with RasulAllah, than suffered the long and arduous journey she had been undertaking on her own.
This was a beautiful type of gheerah – one where he put his own personal preferences aside out of care for the wellbeing of his wife, where his sense of honour was *selfless*, not *selfish*.

In addition, gheerah is NOT limited to men. While women are often referred to or written off as ‘jealous,’ the implication is often that it’s a selfish type of jealousy, or a dishonourable one. What is often overlooked is the honourable gheerah of a woman towards her menfolk: her father, her brothers, her sons, and so on. How is this gheerah manifested?
Interestingly enough, it is almost identical in many ways to the gheerah of a man over his womenfolk – the sense of selfless honour and chivalry, a sincere concern related to pleasing Allah and not having someone transgress His boundaries.

Such an example would be that of a woman who sees her father or brother (or, for that matter, any Muslim man) interacting with a non-Mahram woman in an inappropriate manner… whether it simply be that he is being overly friendly with her (or that she’s putting the moves on him), or that there’s something obviously flirtatious going on.
One very obvious example of what we see today is that of mashayikh on their Facebook pages – and women acting overly familiar with them. Even if the shaykh has only good intentions in behaving in a ‘friendly’ manner with everyone in general, his mother, sisters, or even his daughters could feel gheerah towards him due to the high risk of fitnah (in more than just one obvious way) that mashaayikh do feel.

The sense of protectiveness, defensiveness, and dislike of this situation is all related to gheerah.

What distinguishes honourable gheerah from selfish jealousy is that one is not feeling offended on account of their personal preferences, but on the basis of pleasing Allah and being aware of His boundaries. Thus, it can be defined as ‘spiritual jealousy’ – the consciousness that arises from having taqwa and wanting the best for one’s brothers and sisters in Islam.

Another important point to note that is honourable gheerah never leads to inappropriate actions – for example, we all know about the unfortunately common (in some parts of the world) situation of men who killed their sisters or their daughters out of a twisted sense of ‘gheerah,’ with absolutely no legitimate Shar’i excuse for doing so.

Narrated ‘Abdullah bin Masud:
RasulAllah said: “There is none having a greater sense of Gheerah than Allah. And for that He has forbidden the doing of evil actions (illegal sexual intercourse etc.).” (Bukhari)

"The foundation of the Religion is Gheerah, and the one without Gheerah is one without Religion, for Gheerah protects the heart and enlivens the limbs, and shields one from evil and lewdness, and lack of Gheerah kills the heart so that the limbs die, so that there remains not even shielding from [the minor things].

And the example of Gheerah in the heart is the example of the strength that shields one from sickness and fights it off, so if the strength leaves, he will be faced with the sickness, and will not find anything to protect himself from it, so it will establish itself [within him] and destroy him.” (Ibn Qayyim, Ad-Daa’ Wad-Dawaa’)