Friday, March 31, 2017

Dead or Alive: an Islamic Understanding of Abortion

What is abortion?

Medically, the term ‘abortion’ refers to the termination of a pregnancy before it is viable. However, as this is a broad definition that includes miscarriages (which is when the pregnancy ends spontaneously or due to natural causes), the more specific term and definition is ‘induced abortion’: the deliberate interruption of the pregnancy.
The legal status of abortion, and conditions and restrictions on it, vary from country to country and even state-to-state in some countries.
In Canada, abortion first became liberalized in the 1960s; it later became legal without restriction or conditions and was considered to violate the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms to force a woman to carry a pregnancy to full term against her will.[1] It should be noted that doctors do have the right to conscientious objection.[2]
Despite the lack of legal restrictions on abortion in Canada, 90% of abortions in Canada take place during the first trimester, just over 9% take place between 12 and 20 weeks, and 0.4% take place after 20 weeks.[3] These late term abortions take place primarily because the fetus is gravely or fatally impaired, or the woman’s life or physical health is at risk, or both (Statistics Canada, 2003).
Thus, the idea that removing any legal restrictions on abortion would result in a flood of women abruptly choosing to terminate their pregnancies is clearly a false one. Regardless of the faith or reasons for undergoing abortion, the vast majority of women who do choose to go through with it, do so with full understanding of the seriousness of the decision.
The United States of America has significantly more restrictions on their abortion laws. Abortion was made legal in the United States in 1973 in the famous landmark case of Roe vs Wade. However, unlike in Canada, the Supreme Court ruled that individual states were allowed to place their own restrictions with regards to physician and hospital requirements, gestational limits, funding, parental involvement, and more.
[4] 41 out of 50 states have restrictions that prohibit abortion after a certain number of weeks, ranging from as early as 6 weeks to as late as 28 weeks.[5] Regardless of the legal restrictions, however, 89-92% of all abortions take place within the first trimester.[6]

Abortion laws in the Muslim world are varied.

In Malaysia, abortion is legal within very strict and certain parameters – namely, in cases where the mother’s life is at risk, and if the pregnancy is injurious to the mental and physical health of the mother. Both cases require a qualified doctor’s testimony.[7]
In Pakistan[8], Egypt[9], and Iran[10] abortion is illegal with the sole exception of the mother’s life being at risk or severe medical complications with the fetus.Abortion in Tunisia, however, was legalized in 1965; it is available upon request at any time within the first trimester. After this gestational period, “an abortion may be performed when there is a risk that the health or mental balance of the mother will be compromised by the continuation of the pregnancy or a risk that the unborn child will suffer from a serious disease or infirmity.”
[11] Neighboring Algeria permits abortion for the preservation of the mother’s physical and mental health, only with the testimony and involvement of a qualified doctor.[12]
Turkey permits abortion up until the 10th week, with conditions such as spousal consent, and strong reasoning such as risk to the mother’s physical or mental health, conception due to incest or rape, and serious socio-economic factors.[13] [14]

The Status of Children in Islam

Before one talks about abortion in Islamic Law, one must first be aware of Islam’s overall stance regarding family values and having children.
One of the most well-known ahadith that emphasizes having children is the following:
Abu Dawood (2050) narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yazaar (may Allah be pleased with him) said: A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I have found a woman who is from a good family and is beautiful, but she does not bear children; should I marry her?” He told him not to. Then he came to him a second time and said something similar and he told him not to marry her. Then he came to him a third time and said something similar and he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Marry the one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers.”
Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel, 1784.[15]
{Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world. But the good righteous deeds that last, are better with your Lord for rewards and better in respect of hope.} (18:46)
Scholars have also stated that that having children is one of the purposes of marriage, and one of the objectives of the Shari’ah is the preservation of lineage and offspring[16].
Due to this, the default attitude held by Islamic scholars is always that having children is something encouraged and that it should not be prevented (by either birth control or abortion) as much as possible, except for ‘legitimate reasons.’ Such legitimate reasons are usually considered to be of a medical nature, although more scholars have become understanding of other factors such as psychological well-being and even personal choice or preference (although the latter is still quite rare in terms of being taken as a serious basis for such decisions).
With that in mind, there is still room for discussion on the topic of abortion in Islamic Law. Islam does not outright forbid abortion at all, regardless of circumstances; rather, there are a few general principles that are held and referred to. For example, the preservation of life is considered to be one of the major Maqaasid ashShar’iah (objectives of Divine Law) – not only that of a fetus, but primarily, of the mother of that fetus. However, as with every other aspect of the Shari’ah, extenuating circumstances are considered on a case-by-case basis.

The Beginning of Life

The Qur’an and Sunnah have both mentioned details regarding embryology.
{And certainly did We create man from an extract of clay.
Then We placed him as a sperm-drop in a firm lodging.
Then We made the sperm into a clot of congealed blood; then of that clot We made a (foetus) lump; then we made out of that lump bones, and clothed the bones with flesh; then we developed out of it another creature. So blessed be Allah, the best of creators!} 
(Qur’an 23:12-14)
Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) ,the true and truly inspired said, “(The matter of the Creation of) a human being is put together in the womb of the mother in forty days, and then he becomes a clot of thick blood for a similar period, and then a piece of flesh for a similar period. Then Allah sends an angel who is ordered to write four things. He is ordered to write down his (i.e. the new creature’s) deeds, his livelihood, his (date of) death, and whether he will be blessed or wretched (in religion). Then the soul is breathed into him. So, a man amongst you may do (good) deeds till there is only a cubit between him and Paradise and then what has been written for him decides his behavior and he starts doing (evil) deeds characteristic of the people of the (Hell) Fire.
And similarly a man amongst you may do (evil) deeds till there is only a cubit between him and the (Hell) Fire, and then what has been written for him decides his behavior, and he starts doing deeds characteristic of the people of Paradise.”  (Sahih Muslim)
There have been many detailed analyses of the Qur’an and Sunnah’s description of the creation of human life, and how they correspond to modern medical discoveries and knowledge of embryology.[17] However, it is sufficient for the scope of this article to note that the scholars have summarized the stages of fetal development as the following:
  1. Three stages of forty days each, beginning with the ‘alaqah, then the nutfah, and then the mudghah, thereby completing one hundred and twenty days before the soul is blown into the fetus.
  2. One stage of forty days, during which the zygote develops into the stages of ‘alaqah, nutfah, and mudghah, followed by ensoulment at the completion of forty days; the fetus will then grow and be considered a living being.[18] [19]
This distinction is necessary in order to understand the two fiqhi stances on the permissibility of abortion in extenuating circumstances. The presence of the soul is what establishes the Shar’i difference between an abortion (ijhaadh) that does not require the payment of diyah (blood-money), and killing (qatl) that does require the diyah.
Those who follow the first opinion, that the soul is blown into the fetus at the end of one hundred and twenty days, believe that it is not sinful to abort before that period of time, if the reasons for doing so are legitimate.[20] However, to abort after ensoulment is considered categorically prohibited except in the case of the mother’s life or death.[21]
Those who follow the second opinion, that the soul is blown into the fetus at the end of forty days, believe that to abort after that is sinful if for any reason other than life or death of the mother[22]; even if that is the case, diyah is still necessitated.[23]
The following is a brief summary of scholarly opinions on the issue of aborting before forty days, with and without specific conditions:
Some scholars are of the view that it is permissible to abort the fetus before forty days, and others are of the view that it is haraam (prohibited).
Among those who regard it as permissible, Ibn al-Humaam al-Hanafi said in Fath al-Qadeer (3/401): Is it permissible to abort it after becoming pregnant? It is permissible, so long as no features have begun to appear.
It may be that what they meant by features appearing is when the soul is breathed into the fetus, which happens after one hundred and twenty days of pregnancy. Or it may be that what they meant is the appearance of features even though the soul has not yet been breathed into it, which does not happen before eighty days of pregnancy, and most likely occurs at ninety days.
In Haashiyat Qalyoobi wa ‘Umayrah (a Shaafa’i book) (4/160) it says: Yes, it is permissible to abort it, even by using medicine, before the soul has been breathed into it, unlike what al-Ghazaali said. End quote.
Al-Mardaawi said in al-Insaaf (a Hanbali book) (1/386): It is permissible to take medicine to abort a nutfah. That is stated in al-Wajeez. Ibn al-Jawzi said in Ahkaam al-Nisa’: It is haraam. It says in al-Furoo’: The apparent meaning of the words of Ibn ‘Aqeel in al-Funoon is that it is permissible to abort it before the soul is breathed into it. He said: There is some validity in this view. End quote. Shaykh Taqiy al-Deen said: It is better for a woman not to use medicine to prevent the sperm from taking its course. End quote.
Among those who do not allow it, al-Dardeer said in his commentary on Khaleel (a Maaliki book) (2/266): It is not permissible to expel the maniy from the womb even if that is before forty days, and once the soul has been breathed into it, it is haraam according to consensus. End quote.
Al-Ramli said in Nihaayat al-Muhtaaj (a Shaafa’i book) (8/442): al-Muhibb al-Tabari said: The scholars differed concerning the nutfah before forty days, and there are two views. It was said that it is not proven that it comes under the same ruling as abortion and infanticide, and it was said that it is protected and it is not permissible to harm it, and it should not be expelled after it has settled in the womb, unlike ‘azl (coitus interruptus) which occurs before it reaches the womb.
Al-Ghazaali referred to this matter in al-Ihya’ and said, stating that ‘azl is unlike the former case: This is not like abortion and infanticide because those are offences against a living being.  The first stage of existence is when the sperm reaches the womb and mixes with the woman’s water, so harming it is an offence. If it has become an ‘alaqah or a mudghah, then the offence is more serious, and if the soul has been breathed into it and it has become a human being then the offence is even worse. Then he said: It is unlikely that it is not forbidden. End quote.
To sum up, the scholars’’ differed concerning this issue, so you should not do that unless there is a good reason, so that you will avoid falling into haraam (prohibited) and will be on the safe side with regard to your religious commitment.[24]
In the next parts of this series, we will discuss abortion rulings according to Islam, why women go for abortion and abortion amongst Muslim women.
Stay tuned..
[18] Islam and Abortion; Shafi A. K. Lodhi

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Here's a handy tip for Muslim men to keep in mind when trying to be #TheIdealMuslimHusband: learn to apologize.
I don't mean becoming the cliche henpecked husband and being a meek doormat who says "Yes, dear" to everything (do such men even exist?).
I mean, learn to apologize when you have legitimately been a jerk. If you got into an argument with your wife and you may even have been right, but your tone of voice was inappropriate; if you were in a bad mood and said something that was unpleasant and unfair; if you were insensitive and made a joke at her expense... apologize.
Not a half-hearted, half-assed one meant to pacify her; not a patronizing or sarcastic "sorry your feelings got hurt."
A heartfelt, sincere, legitimate acknowledgement of your own wrongdoing and a commitment to do and be better.
I cannot tell you enough how important this is for a healthy relationship. Many Muslim women, including myself, were raised and trained to be the ones to always apologize for upsetting our husbands even if we did nothing wrong - as long as he was upset, we *must* hasten to beg for his forgiveness and seek his pleasure in every way (even if he's being completely unreasonable and ridiculous).
When a Muslim man has the humility, self-awareness, and responsibility to take accountability for his wrong-doing, it doesn't make him a weak man - to the contrary, it is a sign of his strength, his masculinity, his nobility, his qiwamah.
It is a characteristic that will make your wife fall in love with you.
The first time my now-husband apologized to me after a fight - a real apology, not a passive aggressive or snide one - I honestly couldn't believe it. The concept of a Muslim man having the humbleness to apologize to his wife was alien to me.
And yet - it is one of the qualities about him that most endear him to me, which has garnered my respect, which has reminded me that yes, there are men who do practice the Sunnah and truly care about being genuinely excellent believers and men - who strive to embody Ihsaan even with their wives.
Do not underestimate the importance of this one quality; do not think that it is insignificant or unmanly or weak. Rather, it is the sign of a #TrueQawwam, a man who is fully aware of what it means to have excellence of character, especially with regards to his wives.
{“The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best to my family.”}
Imam ashShawkanee said:
"“You find a man, if he comes into contact with his family, he displays the worst of character, he is prideful, and very little good is seen from him. But if he meets with other people, his disposition is very gentle, his character is very soft, he is very giving, and he displays much good. There is no doubt, this type of individual is from those who have been prevented from good and success, and he is one who has deviated from the correct path. We ask Allah for protection!"

Raised in the West, it is all too easy for us 1st or 2nd generation kids of immigrants to feel frustrated with our parents and families, to spend much of our adolescence & even adulthood butting heads, clashing over culture & personal priorities.
It's all too easy for us to lose our tempers, for resentment to simmer, for family gatherings to feel tense and unpleasant.
But when that happens, we don't realize how much we are losing.
I'm not going to be cliche and say that since I've become a parent, I realize what parents go through - I'll be honest, I still fight with my family and we have our dramas. At the same time, though, I have never loved them more. I've never appreciated my dad's awful jokes more than I do now; I've never savoured teasing my mom and harassing her lovingly than I do now; I've never felt such a rush of sisterly protectiveness (and obnoxiousness) as I do now.
As much as I'll pretend to be annoyed, I treasure our weekly family dinners and missing one leaves an ache that won't leave until I see them again - in the meantime, I will harass them on our family group chat.
There is a reason that the ties of kinship are called Silat al Arhaam: we truly are connected by the wombs, & there is a tug in our blood that calls to us, the inclining of our hearts towards mercy even when we squabble and cry and argue and glare in steely silence.
All of this is to say: don't underestimate the importance of family. Don't devalue their love for you or your love for them. As much as they can feel like a source of strife, they are also a source of comfort and barakah. Parents and grandparents, siblings and aunts and uncles... they share something with us, blood and DNA if nothing else, but it is that which binds us more closely than we often realize.
Look at your parents and remember the times of silliness and joy and the way they stroked your hair when you were young and the way they constantly feed you and scold you and demand to know when you're getting married or having more kids... know that this is love.
Our families may not look like the ones on TV or in the movies, they may not be as prim and proper as we imagined others to be, but in the inevitable chaos of our in-between languages and cultures and ideas of education and career and marriage, lies indescribable beauty.
O Allah, have mercy on our parents, as they raised us when we were young.

Friday, February 10, 2017

Power Trips and Prison Wardens

'I enjoin upon you good treatment of women, for they are prisoners with you, and you have no right to treat them otherwise, unless they commit clear indecency.

If they do that, then forsake them in their beds and strike them, but without causing injury or leaving a mark. If they obey you, then do not seek to harm them.

You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they are not to allow anyone whom you dislike to tread on your bedding (furniture), nor allow anyone whom you dislike to enter your houses.
And their right over you is that you show them excellence with regard to their clothing and food (i.e. providing her with the best of her basic needs).' - The Farewell Khutbah (Sunan Ibn Majah)

At first glance, these first few words of RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) can seem jarring. How does the description of women as "prisoners" in their marriages fall in line with the idea that marriage is a partnership, a relationship of compassion? And unfortunately, there are plenty of people who will take this phrase and wield it triumphantly as 'proof' that women are subservient to men and do not have the 'right' to dignity or justice.

This narration, however, is just one example of how easy it is for ahadith to be twisted, mistranslated, and explained in a manner that contributes to the ongoing mistreatment of women. Rather, it is extremely important for us to be able to understand the deeper meanings and contexts behind the words - for the words of Allah and His Messenger can never be used as an excuse to justify injustice and oppression.

While to our eyes the word 'prisoner' is one that denotes helplessness and a lack of rights, giving the 'warden' unlimited authority and freedom, the Islamic meaning is very different.
The metaphorical use of the word 'prisoner' is meant to highlight the reality of power imbalances and the vulnerability of women. Whether Muslim or nonMuslim, historically and in the present, even with legal measures put in place to protect people's rights - women are still most vulnerable to abuse in their intimate relationships. Though women have Shar'i rights given to them by Allah Himself, unfortunately they are not always educated about those rights, or given access to them. Whether due to culture or manipulation of religious texts, women have and continue to face great oppression in their relationships.

Thus, RasulAllah explicitly commanded men to treat women well, in this hadith as well as numerous others. The power imbalance is not meant to be one where men can take advantage of women and abuse them - rather, with that position of qiwamah comes an even more serious level of accountability. With great power comes great responsibility; as such, husband/ qawwaam/ ameer who abuses his authority will face an even more severe punishment.

As RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) stated, "Each one of you is a shepherd, and each one of you will be questioned regarding your flock. The commander who is in authority over the Muslims is responsible and he will be questioned regarding his responsibility. The man is responsible over the inhabitants of his house and he is the one who will be questioned about them." (Tirmidhi)

The greater one's level of authority, the greater one's level of accountability before Allah on the Day of Judgment. In marriage, which is meant to be a relationship of love, mercy, and compassion, a husband bears the responsibility of treating his wife with the utmost respect and the best of treatment.
Should a husband violate this, he himself is to be seen as a criminal of sorts - a man who abuses his power and transgresses the rights of someone who is vulnerable and whose rights over him he is meant to be especially aware of.

Indeed, the final sentence of this narration emphasizes that men must "tuhsinoo ilayhinn" - show women excellence of treatment, to provide for their needs in the best way possible, to not just be "kind" but to be diligent in maintaining the highest standard possible.

This hadith is not meant to put women down, to diminish their status, or to render them silenced objects who do not have rights of their own. Rather, it is the opposite - women, who are so often vulnerable in their relationships and their societies - are meant to be cared for, respected, protected, and given the best of treatment.
The only exception to this - and it is not so much a negation of a woman's right to excellent treatment as it is a matter of dealing with a particularly sensitive situation - is in the case of infidelity. (I'm not going to delve into the issue of wife beating here, as that's another topic in and of itself.)

More than anything else, the fact that RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) considered this issue to be a matter worth mentioning in his Farewell Khutbah, during his final Hajj, shows the seriousness of protecting women's rights. The words of Allah's Messengers enjoin upon us all the best of behaviour and the upholding of justice - never its opposite.
Anyone who dares to take these words and use them as a means of oppressing women is someone who has lied against RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and gone against his blessed Sunnah.

May our men be of those who uphold the Sunnah of RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) by fighting for and protecting the rights of women, and demonstrating what it means to show Ihsaan, ameen.

#TrueQawwam

Thursday, February 09, 2017

Podcast Interview with Shaykha Aysha Wazwaz

My first official podcast has been published - an interview with the incredible Shaykha Aysha Wazwaz, an American Muslim woman who pursued formal Islamic studies and has gone on to become an active teacher and activist in her community.
Shaykha Aysha Wazwaz is an American-born Muslim woman who studied Islamic Law at Al-Quds University in Jerusalem, Palestine, and then returned to America to further her Islamic education. She has a B.A. in Islamic Studies, an M.A. in Contemporary Islamic Studies, and is a PhD Candidate in Islamic Studies at Jinan University. In addition to having had a great deal of teaching experience around the world, including holding women’s classes in Masjid al-Aqsa itself, she is the CEO and founder of Gems of Light, an online Islamic university for women. 
Shaykha Aysha's story is important to hear not just for women, but for men as well. She imparts excellent advice that is applicable to both genders, and highlights the importance of having women of Islamic knowledge in our communities.

https://soundcloud.com/anonymouse-al-majnoonah/the-salafi-feminist-interview-with-shaykha-aysha-wazwaz

Monday, January 30, 2017

The Mother of Revolution: Aasiyah

The revolution that Musa ('alayhissalaam) brought to Egypt would not have been possible without the role of Aasiyah ('alayhassalaam).
His adoptive mother, she played a powerful role in raising him to be the man he was: a man of nobility, ethics, with keen sense of justice. Raised in the palace of Pharoah, Musa could have been spoiled & arrogant, but it was undoubtedly Aasiyah's wisdom & compassion that guided him to be aware of himself as far more than just a privileged prince of Egypt.
Who knows if she sat at his bedside when he was a child & murmured to him the tale of how he was brought into her arms, the Nile River depositing the basket carrying its unexpected gift of a son.
No doubt it was Aasiyah who answered his questions about why he didn't look like the other children, why he carried the stamp of Bani Isra'eel on his features... why he was still alive, & safe, in the Pharoah's palace while every other year, the land was witness to a massacre of infant boys & the rivers flooded with the tears of their mothers.
No doubt Aasiyah's heart broke every time she remembered the fact that her beloved almost-son could have been one of those babies.
No doubt that she treasured him all the more for it; no doubt that she taught him what it meant to stand up against injustice, knowing that silence & inaction from those in positions of influence would only lead to more horror.
It was Aasiyah who raised Musa; a queen who raised a Prophet; a woman who raised one of the greatest revolutionaries the world has ever known.
Today, we must be Aasiyah.
We must be the mothers who raise our children to be aware of the injustice around them, to teach them that the privileges we enjoy are a responsibility to do more, to fight against the horrors surrounding us, to dedicate ourselves to changing the world for the better, to speak against the Pharoahs of our nations, to be determined to do everything possible - even the impossible - for the sake of Divine Justice.
The likes of Aasiyah are the ones who will raise the likes of Musa (as) - and so we are to live like Aasiyah, that we may die like Aasiyah - with absolute conviction in our beliefs, with love for our Creator burning so strongly in our hearts that no human injustice can break us, knowing that even when we pass away, our legacy of faith & justice & revolution will live on in our children & our children's children.

...

A tyrant rises to power, ruling his nation with cruelty and hatred. In one fell swoop, he creates a giant chasm between two segments of society — those whom he belongs to, and those whom he has declared outsiders. For years, he considers himself successful in enforcing his agenda of prejudice and discrimination… until revolution arises from the very heart of his land, kindled in the heart of the person he least suspects.

Some three thousand years ago, the Pharaoh of Egypt was one of the most notable individuals to implement hatred and murder as public policy.

{Ta, Sin, Mim.
These are Verses of the Book that makes (things) clear.
We recite to you from the account of Moses and Pharaoh with truth for people who believe.
Indeed, Pharaoh exalted himself in the earth and made its people castes. A tribe among them he oppressed, killing their sons and sparing their women. Indeed, he was of the corrupters.} [Surat Al-Qasas, 28:1-]

Even as he sent his soldiers throughout Egypt to massacre infants, considering himself safe for as long as babies’ blood flowed as regularly as the Nile, a woman of Bani Isra’il cradled her son and then cast him into the river.

{And We inspired to the mother of Moses, “Suckle him; but when you fear for him, cast him into the river and do not fear and do not grieve. Indeed, We will return him to you and will make him [one] of the messengers.”} [Surat Al-Qasas, 28:7]

From the cradle of one mother into the embrace of another: Allah caused the Nile to carry young Musa straight into the arms of ‘Asiyah, the wife of Pharaoh.

And the family of Pharaoh picked him up [out of the river] so that he would become to them an enemy and a [cause of] grief. Indeed, Pharaoh and Haman and their soldiers were deliberate sinners.

{And the wife of Pharaoh said, “A comfort of the eye for me and for you! Do not kill him; perhaps he may benefit us, or we may adopt him as a son.” And they perceived not.} [Surat Al-Qasas, 28:8-9]

In these moments, Musa gained his second mother: she who did not birth him, but who raised him from infancy to become the man he was to be: a man of nobility and ethics, with a keen sense of justice. In the heart of Pharaoh’s palace, ‘Asiyah, the queen of Egypt, held her adopted son close and gave him the spiritual and intellectual education he needed to bring forth a revolution unlike any other.

Surrounded by wealth and luxury, protected by the privilege of his adopted parents’ power, Musa could have grown up to be spoiled and arrogant, entitled and apathetic to the plight of those who shared his blood. Undoubtedly, it was ‘Asiyah’s wisdom and compassion that guided him to be aware of himself as far more than just a pampered prince of Egypt.

Perhaps she sat at his bedside when he was a child and murmured to him the tale of how he was brought into her arms, the Nile River depositing the basket carrying its unexpected gift of a son.

Perhaps it was she who answered his questions about why he didn’t look like the other children, why he carried the stamp of Bani Isra’il on his features; why he was still alive, and safe, in the Pharaoh’s palace while every other year, the land was witness to a massacre of infant boys and the rivers flooded with the tears of their mothers.

Perhaps her heart broke every time she gazed upon the young boy who was the coolness of her eyes, remembering that her beloved almost-son had very nearly been one of those slaughtered children.

Perhaps she told him, her voice wavering with emotion, that the only power she had to stop the blood-lust of her husband lay in that moment when she held baby Musa in her arms and beseeched Pharaoh to, just once, save an innocent life.

No doubt that she treasured him all the more for it; no doubt that in that one moment of unimaginable courage in the face of a murder, ‘Asiyah taught Musa what it meant to stand up against injustice. It was ‘Asiyah, more than anyone else, who knew that silence and inaction from those in positions of influence would only lead to more horror.

It was ‘Asiyah who raised Musa: a queen who raised a Prophet; a woman who raised one of the greatest revolutionaries the world has ever known.

Today, we must be ‘Asiyah.

Today, as we witness murderers and madmen ruling our lands, we must be the ‘Asiyahs: We must be the parents who raise our children to be aware of the injustice around them, to teach them that the privileges we enjoy are a responsibility to do more, to fight against the horrors surrounding us, to dedicate ourselves to changing the world for the better, to speak against the Pharoahs of our nations, to be determined to do everything possible – even the impossible – for the sake of Divine Justice.

The likes of ‘Asiyah are the ones who will raise the likes of Musa – and so we are to live like ‘Asiyah, that we may die like ‘Asiyah – with absolute conviction in our beliefs, with love for our Creator burning so strongly in our hearts that no human injustice can break us, knowing that even when we pass away, our legacy of faith and justice and revolution will live on in our children and our children’s children.

It is ‘Asiyah who teaches us, just as she taught Musa the meaning of courage and conviction, in her life and even in her death – for though she was killed by Pharaoh for her belief in Allah, Allah elevated her amongst all of humankind and immortalized her final prayer in the Quran:

{And Allah presents an example of those who believed: the wife of Pharaoh, when she said, “My Lord, build for me near You a house in Paradise and save me from Pharaoh and his deeds and save me from the wrongdoing people.”} [Surat Al-Tahrim, 66:11]
#ForgottenHeroines

Thursday, January 26, 2017

A Tribute to My Grandfather, my first qawwam

My grandfather is the first man who exemplified what #TrueQawwam means to me.
He was a man whose circumstances didn't allow for him to pursue higher education, yet whose love for learning ensured that he never stopped seeking knowledge in some way - whether that meant being a voracious reader, watching National Geographic non-stop, keeping up to date with both local & world politics, ensuring that his children and grandchildren understood the importance of knowledge, of all types.
He had married young - at age 18 - but never lost his spirit of wanderlust, his love for adventure, his willingness to work hard & do whatever he could for his family.
He was an incredible husband, father, and grandfather - though I don't know nearly enough about him when he was younger, I have so many amazing memories of him and his relationship with my grandmother in particular.
She had a habit of sleeping early, before Isha, and waking before Fajr in order to pray Isha and Tahajjud and recite Qur'an. He would awake with her, making sure that she had water next to her, making her coffee and bringing her biscuits as she sat in her bed and recited in the lamplight. He would rest for some time, then get up for Fajr & while my grandmother went back to bed, he would get up and go about his day.
I'd creep out of bed, following the sound of the deep murmur of his voice at the dining room table, where he would be reciting his own daily wird, wearing his house thobe and topi. Sometimes I'd fall asleep again on the couch behind him, and then wake up again to find him reading the newspapers with a cup of coffee and cookies at hand. He'd always save the last few sips for me, and then he'd make me breakfast and we'd watch weekend cartoons together - he loved the Looney Toons as much as I did, and we could watch the same old classics for hours.
But then it was time to be a man and take care of things. He always dressed sharply, even on weekends - he would iron his trousers with a crisp crease, his shirts impeccable and always paired with a waistcoat or knitted vest, even if he was only going to be at home. On Jumu'ah, he would always wear a suit and tie and gleaming dress shoes, scented with 'itr and carrying himself with great dignity.
His level of care for my grandmother was without peer.
He would help her choose an outfit for the day, iron her clothing, & make her breakfast; they would discuss what they were going to cook or bake on that day (they were both amazing in the kitchen), and he would set out all the necessary equipment & ingredients. If my grandmother didn't feel like doing much in the kitchen (which was rarely), he'd often decide to make something anyway. He hated to buy samosa pastry or puff pastry from the store -he had his own recipes he'd perfected over the years.
Before I first got married, he made sure to teach me how to make both pastries - from beginning to end. (Unfortunately, I didn't inherit his culinary genius, & have made neither recipe since that day.) He had no shame whatsoever in rolling up his sleeves & tying on an apron.

Instead, he took pride in his work - he showed me that a real man does all things with Ihsaan, whether it's wielding a rolling pin or sharpening his blade before slaughtering the Udh'hiyah.
That was another one of our family traditions; he would slaughter on behalf of all his family every 'Eid al-Ad'ha. For a long time, he would slaughter animals regularly for zabiha meat, both for the family & the community.
He'd make an event out of it; we would drive up island to the farm of a butcher he knew, & we'd take samosas & badha roti, & my siblings & I would watch in fascination as he scratched the ears of the lambs before speaking kindly to them, laying them down, & reciting the basmala.
The knife flashed, blood would spurt, & between my grandfather & the butcher, the animal would be taken care of, skinned, & cut up in a matter of hours. Strange as it may seem, those moments taught me what it meant to have compassion even while ending an animal's life.
He was a gentleman of the old school: always courteous, always chivalrous, always smiling. He would hold the door open for my grandmother & others; he would refer to everyone as Sir or Ma'am or Young Man or Young Lady; he always tried to assist those who needed help.

He was definitely a people person, always interested in people's life stories and experiences. Right till the end, he would make a point of learning people's names and their family histories; his nurses commented on his sense of humour and his interest in everyone, no matter that he might never even see them again. He made everyone feel special and cared for, truly embodying the Sunnah of RasulAllah.
There is so much more about him that I don't know, that I can't recall, that would take hours to mention... but this is just a glimpse of one of the greatest men in my life, who impacted the life of everyone he ever came across.
May Allah have mercy on him, forgive him his sins, and grant him ease in his grave, ameen.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

A Day of Judgment and Justice

The Day of Judgment exists because justice is not always meted out in this world, and even when it is, it is carried out by human standards and it is rarely ever resolved in a manner that gives each person their absolute due.
On the Day of Judgment, no human being can plead with the judge or jury for sympathy or justify their actions or silence their opponents; on the Day of Judgment, there will only be Divine Justice against which none can utter a word of opposition.
Human transgressions against the rights of others are so easy to commit, so easy to justify, so easy to defend. If we do not hold ourselves accountable for them right now, know that there will be a Day when we will be held accountable by the Most Just. Even the animals on that Day will have their rights in this world avenged - how much more so, then, will the rights of other people be upheld and exacted?
" “Allaah will judge between His creation, jinn, men and animals. On that Day, Allaah will let the hornless animal settle its score with the horned until, when there is nothing left to be settled, Allaah will say to them, ‘Be dust.’" (Silsilat asSaheeha)
It was narrated from Abu Dharr that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was sitting, and two sheep locked horns until one of them defeated and subdued the other. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) smiled and someone asked him, “Why are you smiling, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “It is amazing. By the One in Whose hand is my soul, their score will be settled on the Day of Resurrection.”
“O Abu Dharr, do you know what they are fighting over?” He said, “No.” He said, “But Allaah knows and He will judge between them.”

Women Abuse, Too

It is disturbing to know that women verbally abusing their husbands during fights is not viewed as equally abhorrent as men being verbally abusive to their wives. As Muslims, male or female, one should never allow themselves to be so overcome with anger that they find it easy to spit out vile words to each other - particularly to one's spouse, who deserves our greatest efforts in controlling our tempers.
Even worse is when women laugh it off or shrug it off as 'just another fight, no big deal.' It IS a big deal. Even in moments of anger, the angels are writing down every word that passes through our lips, and a single word can be seen in the Sight of Allah as worse than an ocean of poison.
It doesn't matter what hardships we face as women, we *don't* have a blank cheque to flip our ish and go ballistic.
At bare minimum, we must be conscious that we are being held accountable by Allah for our words and actions, even if it doesn't involve our spouses or our children. But when it's targeted towards them, towards those whom we are meant to be a source of comfort and safety, how much more terrible is it, especially if we are the first to demand excellence of treatment?
More than ever, it is necessary for us to admit and acknowledge that abuse is not a solely male-to-female problem - we too are equally responsible for perpetuating it, even if we don't view it as something that serious, let alone abusive.
The upholding of women's rights does not equate the eradication of basic adab and akhlaaq, towards men or anyone else.

Indeed, God is with the Patient

When we think about the Saabireen, oftentimes we need look no further than our own parents or spouses or the masjid aunty/uncle we say salaam to every Jumu'ah.
People who are complete strangers to us and those whom we are closest to can be of those who endure trials and tribulations so difficult that we cannot possibly understand what they endure... and yet they do, with taqwa and smiles that mask all that they have to go through in life. Allah alone knows the true depths of patience they exhibit in moments of heart-wrenching agony.
Whether it's financial struggles, health issues, relationship difficulties, family matters, or any other type of personal and spiritual fitnah, the Saabireen are not those who find it easy to coast through these tests, but may in fact find it even more difficult to experience them and restrain their anger, frustration, and hurt. They are not necessarily perfect, they may well find themselves making mistakes that they regret with regards to how they react, but they are also the first to turn to Allah in repentance for their frustration and beg Him to make them stronger and able to pass His tests in a manner pleasing to Him.
The Saabireen are not merely those who spend their days in fasting and prayer and who display outward piety, but those who struggle within themselves during times of deep human pain and are able to - if only by a thread - control their words and their actions when others would find it easy to justify their rage.
And truly, for those who are able to accomplish such a feat, Allah has promised: {Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account.}

Listening to my father reciting aloud in Salatul Maghrib and watching my daughter praying with him makes me feel dangerously sentimental.
For real, though - the simple act of a Muslim man leading his household in such a basic and fundamental act of worship is powerful. So is a Muslim woman leading her family's womenfolk in salah - for one's daughters to hear a woman's voice rise in the recitation of Qur'an.
It is so, so important for children to see & hear both parents/elders of both genders leading them in salah. It will impact them forever. On a spiritual and emotional level, the sight & sound of witnessing and participating in 'ebaadah together is indelible to a child's psyche.
You'd never guess which moments will stay with them forever... for me, it's the sound of my father reciting the last few ayaat of Surah YaSeen and Surah alQiyaamah in Isha, of hearing my grandmother complete her daily wird every day after Salatul Fajr, of seeing my mother cradling her mus'haf after Maghrib, of my grandfather's baritone rumbling with the Divine Words.
For my daughter, I hope that she too carries moments like these in her heart - that she remembers praying with her family, that she recalls her sujjaadah laid out next to mine, our feet nestled together, her purple prayer outfit swishing against the folds of my abayah, that her ears echo with the recitation of the Qur'an in the mornings and evenings.
Rabbi ij'alni muqeem assalaati wa min thurriyyati, Rabbana wa taqabbal du'a.

Tuesday, January 03, 2017

Mahr Q&A

Regarding the issue of stipulating salawaat, ayaat of the Qur'an, or obligatory acts of worship such as Hajj for a woman's mahr (1):
The story of Umm Sulaym (radhiAllahu 'anha) cannot be used as an evidence for the validity of requesting a mahr that is related to worship or thing without a specific value.
The incident regarding Umm Sulaym (radhiAllahu 'anha) and Abu Tal'ha (radhiAllahu 'anhu) took place before the Hijrah, whereas aayah 24 of Surah anNisaa', which specifically mentions the Mahr, was revealed several years after the Hijrah of RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam).(2)
All four madhaahib are agreed upon that the Mahr must constitute something of value.
"As one of the conditions is the status of dowry itself; being lawful and having pecuniary value in terms of a commodity whose transaction is considered legal by Islamic law."(3)

To illustrate:
يجوز جعل المصحف ذاته مهرا لكونه متمولا، ولا يجوز جعل العمل به مهرا لكون ذلك غير متمول.
"It is permitted to set the written copy of Quran as mahr because it is of monetary value, but it is not permissible to set acting upon the Quran as mahr as it has no monetary value." (4)

However, women do have the right to waive their dowry if they choose to do so freely and without coercion. (5)

RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) gave all his wives a Mahr of monetary value. Dollar-to-dollar, the price depends upon currency etc. but it was, at the time, equivalent to 1487.5 grams of silver. (6)
2) حدهما: أن ذلك كان قبل هجرة رسول الله (صلى الله عليه وسلم) بمدة، لأن أبا طلحة قديم الإسلام من أول الأنصار إسلاماً، ولم يكن نزل إيجاب إيتاء النساء صدقاتهن. الثاني: " أنه ليس في ذلك الخبر أن رسول الله (صلى الله عليه وسلم) علم ذلك ".
http://www.almoslim.net/node/225727

Monday, January 02, 2017

Our Men's Pain

As much as I rail on about what Muslim women face, I do want to take a moment to say that many of us don't recognize that many Muslim men go through heartache, racism, discrimination, painful marriages & even more painful divorces, and so much more.
Women suffer because of toxic masculinity, but men are the first victims of it - when their own sense of self is battered and broken almost from infancy. There are very few men who are raised to understand and implement true qiwamah - with all the positive attributes of masculinity rather than merely the outward trappings.
Regardless, Muslim men go through so much on a daily basis, in ways that we almost never even think of. Mental health, physical health, self esteem, spirituality, family pressures, struggling to break away from certain types of cultural programming... as women, we are often so focused on the pain that we face constantly, that we don't recognize the pain that our men go through.
And while it is, in a way, socially acceptable for us to air our grievances - at least amongst ourselves - men don't always have that luxury. In so many cases, Muslim men find themselves being reamed out in public and in private, with few places to turn for emotional support - including from their spouses.
And yes, we women complain that our men don't understand & support us emotionally, but we don't realize that while we often have safe spaces to turn to other women & find consolation, our men rarely do. Sometimes, just sometimes, we need to be there for them the way we have others who are there for us.
Allah describes spouses as garments for each other, as those with whom we should find tranquility, & while I (& others) spend an awful lot of time berating men to be that type of spouse, we need to remember that those ayaat apply to us too. Being a supportive wife isn't just about cooking his meals & popping out his kids; it's also about setting aside our own egos and being willing to listen and to comfort and to support. You don't even have to agree with him, but you can certainly make him feel that he isn't on trial from the moment he opens his mouth.
Our men are strong, but they aren't invulnerable. They screw up, but they're not (all) villains. They're (usually) upholding the patriarchy, but they're not always misogynistic. They are human & crave the sweetness of the human experience just as much as we do. Often, they are wounded & hurting far more than we can imagine, & yet take on still more for the sake of their parents, their wives, and their children.
These men are, in many ways, #TrueQawwam even if they are not perfectly so.