...And the male is not like the female.

The ayah "And the male is not like the female" is so often used to tell women to shut up - to tell them not to question injustices committed against them, to remain silent when their Shar'i rights are stripped from them, to accept ill treatment & flimsy excuses instead of legitimate explanations for 'scholarly' sayings & rulings issued that only harm women.
In truth, the Divine words '& the male is not like the female' is meant to emphasize that the differences between male & female shouldn't be viewed as some kind of validation for the marginalization of women, but to celebrate the fact that men & women alike were created uniquely.

These differences are to be appreciated, not mocked; these differences are meant to be used in tandem with each other so that the genders can complement each other & support each other to build a beautiful, holistic environment wherein *everyone* benefits - not just one group.

Wa laysath-thaka ka'l untha: Female input is required in all spheres of life because we have insights that men may never be able to come up, yet for women, they are clear and obvious, a part of our everyday lives. There is wisdom & benefit in our differences.
Allah mentions our differences to remind us that we need each other - not that we must work against each other. We are meant to appreciate each other and grow in love for each other.

It is heartbreaking to see the ayah used so often to shut women up - whether about poly, inheritance, Jannah, or anything else, we aren't given thoughtful answers & explanations, but expected to fall silent & accept attitudes & authority that are clearly incorrect.

Though the words were said by Maryam's mother in anguish & worry over not being able to fulfill her oath, Allah gave those words a greater meaning: that Maryam, a female, was not like a male - if Himnah had had a son instead of a daughter, then history would have been very, very different.

Yet those words, which should remind us of the greatness of women & our role in our Deen, are used instead to humiliate us & marginalize us on an almost daily basis.

The 'fitnah' that men face is claimed to be greater than any oppression, injustice, or temptation that women face - bc 'we aren't the same.' Why not pause for a moment and think about how indeed, we aren't the same - in so many ways, the fitnah women face is so much greater.
Sex? Money? Power? Women suffer in so many ways because of them, yet we are consistently told that our desires don't matter; our access to finances is unnecessary, & we have no authority outside the domestic sphere; to seek any of the above is to 'try & be like men.'
The idea that we are merely trying to be seen as full-fledged humans with all the needs & necessities associated, appears alien to so many of our men - even the 'good' ones, the ones who don't intend us harm, the ones who don't intend injustice, yet who have heard 'the male is not like the female' for so long and in all the wrong ways, that they refuse to believe women when we beseech them to understand how indeed, the way we are not like them is because we are hurt so much more than them.

It grieves me, and it infuriates me, that to be a Muslim woman today who seeks to live in accordance to her Lord's words, according to a standard of justice and excellence, is to be accused of corrupting the Divine faith itself. God forbid that we point out how others have done a far more potent job at corrupting the Deen, with disastrous consequences for half the Ummah.

But no...the male is not like the female & so, the female must suffer for the corrupted power that the male wields not only over her, but over all of society.

Reinforcing Gender Injustice & Radical Change From Within

Domestic violence, sexual harassment and abuse, misogyny in all its forms – whether in the East or the West, Muslim or non-Muslim, all these diseases are alive and well in our societies.

“Women shouldn’t be dressing a certain way if they don’t want to be attacked”; “Sometimes a mouthy woman just needs to be disciplined in order to learn her lesson”; “Men are just like that, we can’t change who they are.”

These are all common variations of the basic argument of “well, this is life, just deal with it”… but that is simply not acceptable, no matter where in the world you live.

The sad truth is that amongst Muslims as well as non-Muslims, the various diseases that arise from ingrained misogyny in our various cultures is quite often perpetuated and encouraged by women themselves. Misogyny is something that is quickly and oft-identified within men, but recognized much less within women – after all, how is it that there are women who look down on themselves, who see themselves as less than their male counterparts?

Whatever the origins of internalized misogyny amongst women may be, the most dangerous consequence is that many women will pass on their unhealthy attitudes about gender roles, sexuality, and more onto both their daughters and their sons.

From infancy, we laugh off a young boy insistently pushing a little girl around as “boys will be boys,” yet are quick to scold if a little girl shows signs of aggressiveness. We rarely – if ever – teach our sons about hayaa’ (modesty), respect, lowering the gaze, and spiritual chastity the way we fanatically tell our daughters to cover up and be quiet. We allow our sons to raise their voices – and sometimes their hands – to us, yet discipline our daughters immediately if they ask a single question. We keep our daughters close to us at home yet allow our sons to run wild in the middle of the night, teaching them morality is something restricted to women (wa’l iyaadhu billah). We criticize our daughters for not covering their heads in their own homes amongst their mahaarim, and allow our sons to go out in public wearing tight fitting or inappropriate clothing, conveniently forgetting that RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was ‘more modest than a virgin girl.’

We women – and the men in our lives – are the ones directly responsible for raising entire generations of boys and girls, men and women, who have a warped and twisted idea of what morality is, of what it means to be men and women.

In doing so, we have perverted and destroyed the very idea of hayaa’ (modesty) and ‘izzah (honour and dignity) in Islam. A woman’s honour doesn’t come from being held prisoner in her own home or conforming to bizarre cultural norms of femininity; a man’s respect doesn’t come from him oppressing the women around him and abusing his power in order to make himself feel good. The honour, respect, and dignity of each and every Muslim lies in their subservience to Allah, their fulfilment of His Commands, and their refusal to accept oppression and injustice in any aspect of their lives.

{ You are the best nation produced [as an example] for mankind. You enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and believe in Allah.} (Qur’an 3:110)

In the hypsersexualized global village we live in today, we need to teach our sons and daughters from a very young age what it means to have respect for others of the same and of the opposite gender – regardless of what they are or are not wearing.

Teach our sons as well as our daughters that ‘awrah is about more than the actual physical private parts; it is about understanding that others’ bodies are not objects that we are entitled to, but that Allah is Ever-Watchful and that we need to respect ourselves first and foremost by not allowing our eyes, our tongues, and our limbs to see, speak, or touch that which is prohibited.

RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: "Emaan (belief) consists of more than sixty branches. And Hayaa’ (modesty) is a part of faith." (Bukhari)

He also said: “Every religion has a (distinct) characteristic and the characteristic of Islam is modesty.” [Ibn Maajah]

It is imperative that we tie in every single value we teach our children to the most precious of all values: Taqwa. All that we do, all that we are, goes back to how much we love our Lord and wish to please Him.

Part of that endeavor to please Allah and protect ourselves – and our societies – is to strive for Ihsaan (excellence) in every way.

The Qur’an describes Muslim men and women in the following terms:

{The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those - Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.} (Qur’an 9:71)

The only way to raise an Ummah of believers who embody this verse, is to raise our children from a young age to believe in the standard of Ihsaan – excellence – and hold themselves to it, especially with regards to how they deal with the opposite gender.

{Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do.

And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts…} (Qur’an 24:30-31)

Sexual harassment is a very real problem amongst Muslims, one which – until now – has been allowed to continue due to the very unhealthy attitudes we have been raising our children with.

By returning to the Qur’an and Sunnah, by teaching our sons and daughters while they are still extremely young about the importance of Taqwa, Ihsaan, and Hayaa’, then and only then will we finally be able combat this disease (amongst others) in our Ummah.

We cannot insist that all our gender-related problems will go away if women just sit at home and cover up and remain silent and motionless. Rather, we must know that the condition of our Ummah will never change until we return to the Words of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and radically change our attitudes to match the values taught within them, instead of trying to twist the Divine Words to fit our own warped mentalities.

Change starts within our own homes, and starts today. Sit down with your sons and your daughters, no matter how old they are, and have a much-needed discussion with them about what it means to respect themselves and others of the opposite gender. Teach them, truly, what it means for the believers, men and women, to be allies of one another.