This is an article I wrote for MuslimMatters.org many years ago, but remains just as relevant as ever.
Anyone who's been around Muslim teens between the ages of 10 – 17
will recognize a disconcerting and disappointing trend: youthful apathy.
Selfishness, self-centredness, and almost total obliviousness to the
world around them. And despite the self-absorption, there is still a
lack of proper sense of self and strong identity.
It can be understood, perhaps, in that these are formative years in
which children and adolescents are struggling with a huge input of
information from the world around them that they can't quite figure out
what to do with. These years are recognized as the most difficult years
for parents, and for the children too; but for Muslim parents struggling
to raise their children upon Islam here in the West, the problems are
compounded.
Many concerned parents complain about how their children prefer to
remain with unIslamic influences and ignore the parents' attempts to
sway them towards coming to the
masjid
and being involved with other Muslims. Time and time again I hear the
same advice being reiterated, but unfortunately the problems persist.
After a while, I wondered if another approach was needed – something deeper and more long-term than one-off youth programs or
conferences. Perhaps we need to re-analyse the causes of youthful
misguidance, and come up with a more detailed method of reaching out to
them.
Here I hope to present my own rudimentary theory of the reasons as to
why so many of our younger teens, even those who come from relatively
practicing Muslim households, become utterly disinterested in Islam and
get sucked into the
kaafir lifestyle. From there,
inshā'Allāh we can work harder towards bringing back our lost boys and girls to the straight path.
It's All About You
We're always wondering what we can do to draw our youth back to the
masjid,
back to Islam, to engage them and involve them and above all, keep them
safe. In order to do this, we need to look at the other side first –
what is it about the non-Muslim lifestyle that attracts the kids so
much? A lot of the time, it's the attention that they receive – in a
culture that celebrates and promotes individualism to an unhealthy
extreme, narcissistic youth are dazzled by how it's all about them.
Sure, other factors are involved, such as how the culture appeals to all
those budding desires, but when you get down to it, it's mostly about
the attention.
That's where
we need to start. We need to give our youth attention too, and indulge their narcissism… to a certain point. And above all, in a
constructive way.
Know Thyself
We complain about our kids having an identity crisis. To be frank,
most of these kids don't even know who they are… forget about who they
are as Muslims, they don't even know their own personalities. Much of
the time they're just swept up in the latest trends and follow the
fickle crowd without thinking about whether they actually like the items
they're wasting their money on, or the activities that they throw
themselves into just because it's what the cool kids do.
We have to help our youth know themselves. Once they know themselves,
once they're confident in themselves and have an idea of their own
potential, of what they want to do with that potential, then they will
be more solidly grounded and have a better foundation upon which to
build their futures.
To be a strong Muslim, one must be a strong person; the key to being a
strong person is knowing who you are at your very core, being able to
identify your own characteristics and values which will remain unchanged
no matter what situation you're put in.
A solid Islamic upbringing from infanthood (as described in
this ongoing series) goes
a long way in building this kind of strong character, and as always is
the first thing that parents must be aware of. However, for those who
perhaps were not as Islamically practicing during their childrens' early
childhood, and now wish to change their parenting styles and their
children for the better, then there are other ways that they can
encourage their children to develop and strengthen their invidual
characters.
It is now that we combine the teens' desire for attention with the
goal of helping them find themselves. Either at home or in a youth
group/ workshop environment, our youth need to be invited away from all
the clamouring, glamorous outside influences and given the space and
time to focus on themselves, on who
they are. Have them look
deep within themselves, that space where they keep their deepest
thoughts and desires, their hopes and fears, their darkest secrets. That
space where they as individuals exist on a level where nothing and no
one else can reach them except themselves. What do they find in that
space?
Remember that soul-searching and personal development isn't something
that can be over and done with in a few hours, a day, or even a couple
weeks. It is in fact a life-long endeavour – but it is something which
must be fostered from a young age, so that there is a solid sense of
self that can be analysed and improved constantly.
Castles in the Air
If you ask a five year old, “What do you want to be when you grow
up?” you're likely to get a long list that includes astronaut, cowboy
(or cowgirl), firefighter, teacher, or even farmer. Ask the same
question to a preteen or young teen, and you're more likely to be
answered with a blank expression, a careless shrug, and a muttered, “I
dunno.”
This particular phenomenon in our youth is a distinct lack of vision.
Stemming from the problem of not knowing themselves, our young Muslim
teens tend to stumble through school and these important years of their
lives in a confused daze. They rarely have a tangible idea of what they
want to do with their lives; in this era of technology-centred
activities, few of them recognize that they have other talents and
skills which can be developed and used for the benefit of mankind.
We need to help our youth open their eyes and realize that there is
more to themselves, and to life, than their shallow routine of chasing
after the current fad. Teens have to realize that adolescence isn't
playtime; it's the stepping-stone towards full-blown maturity and the
rest of their lives. So what are they going to
do with those lives?
Here is where we need to foster and encourage life visions. What life
visions do these youth have? Do they think they'll be able to achieve
that 'ultimate end'? If so, how? If not, how come? How can they achieve
those dreams of theirs?
Let's encourage our youth to open their hearts, minds, and eyes, and
make their imaginations go wild. Let them build castles in the air!
Tools of the Trade
Life visions are pretty big dreams and it can be easy to become
discouraged about them. So, break the “big dream” into a series of
smaller, practical long- and short-term goals that can be steadily
achieved and implemented. Accomplishing each 'small' goal becomes a
stepping stone towards the final vision. As Muslims, our goal is Jannah;
reaching that destination, however, requires a lot of work in a lot of
different areas and in a lot of different ways.
Every goal of life is reached by utilizing skills and talents;
discovering, developing, and strengthening them for maximum benefit. Now
that our youth have an idea of what they want to do with their lives,
they should also be able to recognize which skills they'll need to reach
those goals. It's time for them to do a bit more soul-searching – or
rather, talent-searching. What are their talents? What are they good at?
What do they love to do? At this present time, how do they utilize
those skills? How can they develop and improve these abilities? In the
long term, how can they use these skill sets to reach their goals?
Another important point to remember is what the old proverb says:
“Idle hands/minds are the devil's workshop.” Too much free time causes
our youth to seek out activities to stave off boredom, and these
activities tend to be of the dodgy not-very-halaal kind.
One way of
killing two birds with one stone is to enlist these youth in serious
activities at the
masājid; that
is, coming up with ways to give the teens a chance to practice their
skills in a work-like environment that benefits both the youth, and the
masājid
themselves. However, make it something serious – actually pay the youth
for their work, instead of doing it on a volunteer basis, as that gives
the tasks the appearance of a chore rather than attracting the teens.
Not only will the youth learn the basics of business and apprenticeship,
but it gives them a far better environment to work in than the usual
options of fast food and retail.
Strong and Free
In a nutshell, the above is part of what I perceive to be a rough
guide/ method to dealing with the problem of lost, apathetic, confused
Muslim teens who are sucked into a culture of shallowness, vanity, and
selfishness. We have a group of kids who have so much potential, who
could be the next great leaders of this Ummah, if only we could unplug
them from their iPods, unhook them from their video games, and drag them
away from the latest sales at the mall.
Our youth can be – and will be,
inshā'Allāh – strong and free, secure in their identities as Muslims and their own unique personalities. In their submission to
Allāh,
they will be empowered to becoming the next generation of movers and
shakers, those who will improve the state of this Ummah in every field.
We just need to guide them away from the distractions of this
dunyah
and engage their hearts, minds, and souls… all we have to do is give
them the time and attention that they crave, and that they need so that
they may become the kind of glorious personalities they have the
potential to be. It will be, and is, a long, hard road for parents, the
youth, and those of us who have dedicated our lives for the sake of
Allāh to strengthen this Ummah; but
inshā'Allāh the payoff in both this world and the Hereafter will be worth every agonizing moment of it.
May
Allāh guide our lost
boys and girls, and guide us all, to the Straight Path; to that which is
best for us all in this world and in the Hereafter; and to that which
is most pleasing and beloved to Him,
āmīn.
