#ValentinesDayIsHaraam

Roses are red, violets are blue,
You need to do wudhu.
Because you stink.
...
I dream about you every night...
When I forget to recite Ayatul Kursi to ward off Shaytan.
...
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Shaytaan disgusts me
And you do, too.
...
Whenever I see you, I lower my gaze
Because you're ugly and I don't want to do dhulm on myself.
...
Did you fall from Jannah?
Because boy, you look like Iblees.
...
I love you like Salafis love the Mawlid.
...
I love you like a Sufi loves reading Kitaab at-Tawheed.
...
I love you like a Sufi loves the three categories of Tawheed.
...
I love you like Jamaatis love cleaning up after themselves at a masjid.
...
I love you like desi aunties love hearing that their beti is going to marry a Black Muslim man.
...
I love you like Khaleejis love hearing that their beloved eldest son is marrying a desi girl.
...
I love you like converts love telling their conversion story to random strangers at the masjid.
...
I love you like Muslims love being "randomly selected" by airport security.
...
I love you like proggies love traditional Islamic scholarship on hijab, gender and sexuality.
...
I love you like masjid boards love having transparent, non-corrupt elections.
...
I love you like Madkhalis love hearing criticism of the Saudi government.
...

A Certain Type of Bro

Verily, a Certain Type of Bro can be identified in the following ways:

His profile pictures are of him carefully posing his flexed biceps in a casual and yet thoughtful manner as he gazes into the distance, pondering upon the Divine Wisdoms of the Universe (he will of course share his deep pontifications in the captions of said pictures).

His social media is filled with Islamic reminders about modesty and humility, while reminding his dear sisters in Islam to protect their modesty from the attacks of those who seek to destroy the hijab... while he flexes those biceps to show the Ummah that the Muslim brothers will always defend their Muslim sisters.

He is deeply invested in all conversations regarding the dangers of the opposite gender, while frequenting the social media feeds of well known Muslim women so as to know what they are up to at any given time, that he may give them sincere naseeha... repeatedly.

He laments the Muslim marriage crisis and occasionally reminds us all of the great hikmah behind polygamy in Islam. He helpfully provides us with pictures of himself at various weddings so as to emphasize the importance of the rishta process.

His da'wah is Very Important and Very Meaningful and this is evident in all the pictures that he takes with the victims - errr, saved souls - of his Ten Minute Shahada ambushes (I mean, da'wah sessions).

My dear sisters in Islam, do not be lured by the false Facebook promises of these Certain Types of Bros.
Know that the truly pious Muslim man will guard his modesty (and selfies) and will not put himself on display for every sister to enjoy with a prolonged, no-blinking first gaze.
If his da'wah is sincere, it will be evident in the truthfulness and beauty of his words and his emaan... not the carefully chosen polo shirt that conveniently highlights his most attractive features.
Never marry the wanton males that parade themselves openly in the streets for every Fatimah, Christina and Anjali to check out.

Dear sisters, remember that the pious Muslim man is like a pearl in its shell: a treasure to be uncovered only by the one who has a halal relationship with him. Such a man will be your male hoor of this Dunya and Aakhirah - so do not sacrifice your standards for the male whores of this world!

#Verily
#TheseAreDeepTruths
#ManyWisdoms
#VeryInsights
#MaleHoorNotMaleWhores
#ChooseWisely
#TheFutureOfYourHomeAndFamilyDependsUponTheModestyOfMen
#LowerYourGazeNotYourStandards

Archie, Betty and Veronica: America's (Polygynous) Sweethearts

Archie, Betty, and Veronica: 

America's (Polygynous) Sweethearts

Polygyny is so often presented as a strange, Eastern concept rooted in misogyny and chauvinism... yet few realize that polygyny has existed in Western culture for decades, flaunted right under everyone's noses.

Archie comics were a staple of hundreds of thousands of North Americans' upbringing - and, unbeknownst to many, are a perfect example of a positive, heterosexual polygynous triad.

Betty and Veronica are best friends both in love with the same man; two women whose minor rivalries for Archie's attention and fights over his affection never destroy their friendship. If it looks as though Archie might be distracted by another woman (in particular the nefarious Cheryl Blossom), Betty and Veronica unite to remind him very strongly of which two women are the only ones he should be paying attention to.
Though they might squabble over fashion, hobbies, and who Archie is on a date with that night, Betty and Veronica are also loyal to each other and love each other dearly. Many a comic strip has ended with the two of them spending time with each other instead of with him, proving that loving the same man doesn't mean being unable to love 'the other woman.'

Archie, for his part, can never make up his mind and choose one over the other. His love for Betty and his love for Veronica is certainly not the same, yet no one can say that he truly favours one over the other. He appreciates each woman for her own unique personality (and of course, physical appearance). He stumbles and bumbles between the two, torn by the expectation of having to choose when he obviously *can't*... and really, why should he have to?

Archie, Betty and Veronica are possibly one of the best and most realistic portrayals of ‪#‎positivepoly‬, one which recognizes natural human emotions that are not narrowed and restricted solely to rabid jealousy or unrealistic adoration. From the close friendship between the two women to their unwillingness to give up on Archie, these three characters have proven that through thick and thin, their mutual love for each other can withstand the test of time. There’s really nothing quite like a consensual heterosexual polygynous triad, after all ;)

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