The Fatherhood Crisis

(Originally published at OnIslam.net)

“Sisters, you are the shepherds of your children! Sisters, raise your children well, for the future of the Ummah lies in your hands! Sisters, your role as mothers is the most important in the world!”
Such is the mantra repeated over and over again, to audiences of women who have already had this message ingrained in them from youth. But where are the reminders to Muslim fathers?

It's become a common cultural standard that women are assumed to be almost solely responsible for the raising and educating of children, from infancy right up until adulthood. The role of fatherhood, on the other hand, seems to have been relegated to one of financial obligation, and little else.
When we look to the time of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), however, we see a very different model of fatherhood.

Prophet Muhammad, The Father

Ali ibn Abi Talib was raised in the household of RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) and, RasulAllah was his father figure. When Ali accepted Islam at the age of 12, he didn't do so out of indifference or merely because he 'had' to.
He had been raised to be intellectually capable of pondering what faith meant, what the consequences of accepting that would be, and the seriousness of living according to Islam. Thus, when he accepted Islam, it was with a keenness of intelligence and awareness that was directly cultivated by RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam).

Similarly, Zayd ibn Harithah who was also raised by (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam), in such a dedicated manner that when Zayd's biological father and uncle came to take him back home, he refused to go with them. Zayd was approximately eight years old when he was captured by raiders and sold into slavery in Makkah. The nephew of Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her) bought him and then gave Zayd as a gift to her. She, in turn, gave him to RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) who freed him and raised him as his own son.
When Zayd’s father and uncle came to claim him, Zayd informed them, “I have seen from this man (Muhammad) such amazing things that I could never prefer him over anyone else.” (Ibn Sa’ad, Ibn Athir, Ibn Hajar).

Immediately after this, RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) formally adopted Zayd who became known as ‘Zayd ibn Muhammad’ until the Qur’anic verse was revealed forbidding this type of adoption.

Such a close bond could only have been the result of truly dedicated parenting. Zayd was also one of the first people to accept Islam, along with Ali and the rest of the Prophet’s household.
As an adult, RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) made Zayd a commander of the Muslim army no less than seven different times, until he was martyred in the Battle of Mu’tah.

Nor was RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) an exception when it came to fatherhood. His Sahabah followed his example.
Umar ibn al-Khattab (radhiAllahu 'anhu) didn't abandon his son 'Abdullah to his wife to raise; he didn't expect 'Abdullah's mother to be solely responsible for Abdullah's education or the refinement of his manners. Instead, he took a hands-on approach and ensured that Abdullah accompanied him from a young age, as is evidenced in the following hadith:

Narrated Ibn 'Umar:
The Prophet (sallAllahu ‘alayhiwasallam) said, "The example of a believer is like a green tree, the leaves of which do not fall." The people said, "It is such-and-such tree; it is such-and-such tree."
I intended to say that it was the date-palm tree, but I was a young boy and felt shy (to answer).
The Prophet said, "It is the date-palm tree." Ibn 'Umar added, "I told this to 'Umar (later on), who said, 'Had you said it, I would have preferred it over such-and such a thing!" (Bukhari)

Abdullah ibn ‘Umar grew up to be known as ‘the Jurist’ – but would he have become such a great man if it weren’t for the way his father made a point of involving him in the daily gatherings of the elder Sahabah with RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam)?

Unfortunately, there are far too many fathers today who prefer to leave their sons to be raised by social media and less-than-ideal friends, assuming that “their mother will deal with them”… until they suddenly realize that their sons are no longer young boys, but overgrown males with no understanding of Islamic manhood.

This situation, in fact, took place in the time of Umar ibn al-Khattab (radhiAllahu ‘anhu), and his stance on fatherhood is further demonstrated in this narration:

It is related that a man once came to ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattaab, complaining of his sons’ disobedience to him. ‘Umar summoned the boy and spoke of his disobedience to his father and his neglect of his rights.

The boy replied: “O Ameer al-Mu’mineen! (Prince of believers)
Doesn’t a child have rights over his father?”  “Certainly,” replied ‘Umar.  “What are they, Ameer al-Mu’mineen?”  “That he should choose his mother, give him a good name and teach him the Book (the Quran).”  “O Ameer al-Mu’mineen! My father did nothing of this. My mother was a Magian (fire worshipper). He gave me the name of Julalaan (meaning dung beetle or scarab) and he did not teach me a single letter of the Quran.”  Turning to the father, ‘Umar  said: “You have come to me to complain about the disobedience of your son. You have failed in your duty to him before he has failed in his duty to you; you have done wrong to him before he has wronged you.” (Source) 

Note that when ‘Umar mentioned the teaching of the Qur’an, it meant to the companions much more than what we assume – he didn’t mean that the father hadn’t simply taught his son the literal words of the Qur’an, but rather, that he had neglected to teach his son the meanings of the Qur’an as well.

A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) described RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) as:
“His character was the Qur’an.” (Muslim)

The automatic understanding was that his character was an embodiment of the teachings of the Qur’an.
‘Umar’s rebuke to the complaining father wasn’t that it was the mother’s fault for not teaching the son how to be a good Muslim (or even a good person) – the responsibility was upon the father to raise his child according to the Qur’an.
In failing to carry out his responsibilities towards his son, the father was to blame for his own son’s disobedience.

Today, there are countless books and lectures aimed at mothers about the importance of their role – yet few, if any, focused on Muslim fathers. As a result, our Ummah has been faced with a crisis of fatherhood: one where Muslim men have minimized their role as the head of the household and relegated themselves to providing only financial support, rather than being present, hands-on parents.

Subsequently, we have an entire generation of Muslim youth growing up with no idea of what it is like to be a truly responsible Muslim man.
It is time that we recognize the seriousness of the situation, and change our understanding of the role of Muslim men as fathers – by returning to and reviving the Sunnah of The prophet (PBUH) and his Companions. They were the men who exemplified what it meant to be true Muslim men … leaders of both their households, and of their Ummah.


Zainab bint Younus Kathrada aka The Salafi Feminist is a young Canadian Muslimah who has been active in grassroots da’wah and writing about Islam and the Ummah for the last eight years. She was first published in Al-Ameen Newspaper (Vancouver, Canada) at the age of 14; became a co-founder, writer, and editor for MuslimMatters.org at age 16; and began writing regularly for SISTERS magazine at the age of 19 until today. She also blogs at http://www.TheSalafiFeminist.blogspot.com

Youthful Pioneers of an Ancient Path

When we think of pioneers, we usually imagine adults – strong, powerful people, usually men, who used their intellect, wealth, and other talents to influence the world around them in new ways. What we don’t think of are people like us: young girls and women, not only struggling with the daily challenges of a difficult world, but with the added responsibility of being the first standard-bearers of a revolutionary religious and spiritual movement.

Islam came to Makkah, and the world, as a provocative new call to a classic message: the pure worship of the One True God, and an accompanying spread of Divine Justice for all. Perceived to be insurrectionary by the elites of Makkan society, the early Muslims found themselves persecuted mercilessly and tortured without regard for age or gender.

Amongst the first believers in Muhammad (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and his message were various women.

First and foremost were the women of his household: his wife, Khadijah, and his daughters, Zainab, Ruqayyah, Umm Kulthum, and Fatimah. Khadijah was a respected and powerful businesswoman, and in her there is the ultimate example of the career woman: a woman who was not afraid to pursue her interests in business, capitalize upon excellent opportunities, and invest her wealth in a cause she believed in.

Other women amongst the early Muslims included the celebrated martyr Sumayyah bint Khayyat, Asma bint Abi Bakr, and Nusaybah bint Ka’ab. Most of these women were considered to be young; all of these women left their mark in Islamic history. Two of the Prophet’s daughters were married to sons of Abu Lahab and were regularly tormented; Sumayyah was a slave who defied her master’s orders and resisted his agonizing punishment; Asma played a vital role in the Hijrah of RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam).

These women were the pioneers of Islam – without them, the history of the Muslim Ummah would be drastically different; without them, Muslim men would not have been able to accomplish the feats that they did, and Muslim women would have no examples, no role models to follow. Every Sahabiyyah was different, in terms of both individual personality and the roles that they played in the establishment of Islam and the foundation of the Muslim Ummah.

What these women all had in common, however, was that despite their circumstances – which differed from woman to woman – they all displayed an exemplary courage. To begin with, they live in a patriarchal society which devalued women and often considered them as property; from the outset, their worth as human beings was belittled due to their gender. When Islam entered their hearts, however, none of them allowed themselves to be intimidated into staying silent over their spiritual convictions. Whether they were stay-at-home mothers or business women; slaves or warriors, they each drew upon their inner strength of faith and character to stand up for what they believed in.

Today, many Muslim women feel that their gender, their ages, their financial circumstances, or other factors limit them in how they can practice Islam or play an important role in modern Islamic history.

The Sahabiyaat did not allow any external factors to prevent them from being amongst the strongest pioneers of Islam; no Muslim girl or woman today should let herself feel intimidated by the challenges she will face in her pursuit of Allah’s Pleasure.

“When a butterfly flaps its wings in China, a tornado brews in Texas,” the saying goes. Every Muslim woman is a butterfly: a small being on her own, pushed and pulled by different forces, but even the smallest act that we do with firm conviction and a sincere intention to please Allah can have an effect greater than we could ever dream of.

 Instead of despairing over our lack of control over the world, let us draw inspiration from the Sahabiyaat, from the youthful pioneers of an ancient path. Resolve to be a butterfly, and flutter your wings as fiercely as you can.

 Zainab bint Younus (AnonyMouse) is a young woman who finds constant inspiration in the lives of the Sahabiyaat and other great women in Islamic history. She hopes that every Muslimah is able to identify with the struggles of these inspirational women and follow in their footsteps to become a part of a new generation of powerful Muslim women. She blogs at http://www.thesalafifeminist.blogspot.com 

Coming of Age in a New World

Modern society marks the transition from childhood into adolescence with contemporary constructs such as issues of identity and angst. For young Muslimahs in the West, these struggles are compounded with further questions about religion, spirituality, and their place as citizens in societies whose values are often at great odds with those of Islam’s.

Ama bint Khalid was one of the first young Muslimahs to grow up in a non-Muslim environment, and whose love for the Messenger of Allah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) blossomed in her heart before she ever met him. Her parents were amongst the earliest believers in RasulAllah, and were of those who made the first hijrah (emigration) to Abyssinia.

As a result, Ama was one of a handful of young Muslims who grew up in a distinctly Christian society. Though she undoubtedly faced difficulties and challenges, her identity as a Muslim was strengthened by her circumstances, rather than weakened or driven to compromise. Her parents would regularly share with her and remind her of the reason for which they emigrated: their belief in Allah and His Messenger. They would tell her stories about RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) – his kindness, his generosity, his concern for others even if they were not his family or friends, and how he worked so hard to save everyone from the terrifying punishment of the Hereafter. Long before she ever met him, Ama loved this amazing man of whom her parents spoke so fondly.

Ama was a young girl with faced with a massive challenge: living and growing up in a country foreign to her family, struggling to learn a new language and a new culture and, more importantly, retaining the faith for which they had emigrated in the first place. In the midst of this utter strangeness, she fiercely held onto her belief in God and His Messenger, her savior. 

Though the challenges are many, young Muslims in the 21^st century are not the first to experience isolation, alienation, and negative propaganda directly concentrated on their faith. Youth such as Ama bint Khalid and Ali ibn Abi Talib, both of whom were raised upon Islam from a very young age, grew up in a society where they were labeled as either crazy people, terrorists, or both. Most Muslim teenagers often think that they have little in common with famous and awe-inspiring Sahaabah of the Prophet’s time, but the truth is that their struggles were very similar to those we are going through today.

Today, young Muslims in the West have far more available and at their disposal than Ama bint Khalid had over 1400 years ago. Masjid youth groups, Islamic schools, youth conferences, CDs and DVDs; these resources provide not only knowledge, but a strength of solidarity for young Muslims growing up in non-Muslim societies.

Teenage Muslim girls who are trying to juggle their non-Muslim school environment, culturally different home environment, and plain old teen hormones need look no further than Ama bint Khalid to feel both comforted and inspired. If Ama could do it – in a time when there was no internet, no halaal takeout, and no varieties of cute hijaabs – why can’t you?

Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 22:

    Narrated Sa'id:

    Um Khalid bint Khalid bin Said said, "I came to Allah's Messenger along with my father and I was wearing a yellow shirt. Allah's Messenger said, "Sanah Sanah!" ('Abdullah, the sub-narrator said, "It means, 'Nice, nice!' in the Ethiopian language.") Um Khalid added, "Then I started playing with the seal of Prophethood. My father admonished me. But Allah's Apostle said (to my father), "Leave her," Allah's Apostle (then addressing me) said, "May you live so long that your dress gets worn out, and you will mend it many times, and then wear another till it gets worn out (i.e. May Allah prolong your life)." (The sub-narrator, 'Abdullah aid, "That garment (which she was wearing) remained usable for a long time)

Zainab bint Younus (AnonyMouse) is a young woman who finds constant inspiration in the lives of the Sahabiyaat and other great women in Islamic history. She hopes that every Muslimah is able to identify with the struggles of these inspirational women and follow in their footsteps to become a part of a new generation of powerful Muslim women. She blogs at http://www.thesalafifeminist.blogspot.com