The Mother of Revolution: Aasiyah

The revolution that Musa ('alayhissalaam) brought to Egypt would not have been possible without the role of Aasiyah ('alayhassalaam).

His adoptive mother, she played a powerful role in raising him to be the man he was: a man of nobility, ethics, with keen sense of justice. Raised in the palace of Pharoah, Musa could have been spoiled & arrogant, but it was undoubtedly Aasiyah's wisdom & compassion that guided him to be aware of himself as far more than just a privileged prince of Egypt.

Who knows if she sat at his bedside when he was a child & murmured to him the tale of how he was brought into her arms, the Nile River depositing the basket carrying its unexpected gift of a son.

No doubt it was Aasiyah who answered his questions about why he didn't look like the other children, why he carried the stamp of Bani Isra'eel on his features... why he was still alive, & safe, in the Pharoah's palace while every other year, the land was witness to a massacre of infant boys & the rivers flooded with the tears of their mothers.

No doubt Aasiyah's heart broke every time she remembered the fact that her beloved almost-son could have been one of those babies.

No doubt that she treasured him all the more for it; no doubt that she taught him what it meant to stand up against injustice, knowing that silence & inaction from those in positions of influence would only lead to more horror.

It was Aasiyah who raised Musa; a queen who raised a Prophet; a woman who raised one of the greatest revolutionaries the world has ever known.

Today, we must be Aasiyah.

We must be the mothers who raise our children to be aware of the injustice around them, to teach them that the privileges we enjoy are a responsibility to do more, to fight against the horrors surrounding us, to dedicate ourselves to changing the world for the better, to speak against the Pharoahs of our nations, to be determined to do everything possible - even the impossible - for the sake of Divine Justice.

The likes of Aasiyah are the ones who will raise the likes of Musa (as) - and so we are to live like Aasiyah, that we may die like Aasiyah - with absolute conviction in our beliefs, with love for our Creator burning so strongly in our hearts that no human injustice can break us, knowing that even when we pass away, our legacy of faith & justice & revolution will live on in our children & our children's children.

...

A tyrant rises to power, ruling his nation with cruelty and hatred. In one fell swoop, he creates a giant chasm between two segments of society — those whom he belongs to, and those whom he has declared outsiders. For years, he considers himself successful in enforcing his agenda of prejudice and discrimination… until revolution arises from the very heart of his land, kindled in the heart of the person he least suspects.

Some three thousand years ago, the Pharaoh of Egypt was one of the most notable individuals to implement hatred and murder as public policy.

{Ta, Sin, Mim.
These are Verses of the Book that makes (things) clear.
We recite to you from the account of Moses and Pharaoh with truth for people who believe.
Indeed, Pharaoh exalted himself in the earth and made its people castes. A tribe among them he oppressed, killing their sons and sparing their women. Indeed, he was of the corrupters.} [Surat Al-Qasas, 28:1-]

Even as he sent his soldiers throughout Egypt to massacre infants, considering himself safe for as long as babies’ blood flowed as regularly as the Nile, a woman of Bani Isra’il cradled her son and then cast him into the river.

{And We inspired to the mother of Moses, “Suckle him; but when you fear for him, cast him into the river and do not fear and do not grieve. Indeed, We will return him to you and will make him [one] of the messengers.”} [Surat Al-Qasas, 28:7]

From the cradle of one mother into the embrace of another: Allah caused the Nile to carry young Musa straight into the arms of ‘Asiyah, the wife of Pharaoh.

And the family of Pharaoh picked him up [out of the river] so that he would become to them an enemy and a [cause of] grief. Indeed, Pharaoh and Haman and their soldiers were deliberate sinners.

{And the wife of Pharaoh said, “A comfort of the eye for me and for you! Do not kill him; perhaps he may benefit us, or we may adopt him as a son.” And they perceived not.} [Surat Al-Qasas, 28:8-9]

In these moments, Musa gained his second mother: she who did not birth him, but who raised him from infancy to become the man he was to be: a man of nobility and ethics, with a keen sense of justice. In the heart of Pharaoh’s palace, ‘Asiyah, the queen of Egypt, held her adopted son close and gave him the spiritual and intellectual education he needed to bring forth a revolution unlike any other.

Surrounded by wealth and luxury, protected by the privilege of his adopted parents’ power, Musa could have grown up to be spoiled and arrogant, entitled and apathetic to the plight of those who shared his blood. Undoubtedly, it was ‘Asiyah’s wisdom and compassion that guided him to be aware of himself as far more than just a pampered prince of Egypt.

Perhaps she sat at his bedside when he was a child and murmured to him the tale of how he was brought into her arms, the Nile River depositing the basket carrying its unexpected gift of a son.

Perhaps it was she who answered his questions about why he didn’t look like the other children, why he carried the stamp of Bani Isra’il on his features; why he was still alive, and safe, in the Pharaoh’s palace while every other year, the land was witness to a massacre of infant boys and the rivers flooded with the tears of their mothers.

Perhaps her heart broke every time she gazed upon the young boy who was the coolness of her eyes, remembering that her beloved almost-son had very nearly been one of those slaughtered children.

Perhaps she told him, her voice wavering with emotion, that the only power she had to stop the blood-lust of her husband lay in that moment when she held baby Musa in her arms and beseeched Pharaoh to, just once, save an innocent life.

No doubt that she treasured him all the more for it; no doubt that in that one moment of unimaginable courage in the face of a murder, ‘Asiyah taught Musa what it meant to stand up against injustice. It was ‘Asiyah, more than anyone else, who knew that silence and inaction from those in positions of influence would only lead to more horror.

It was ‘Asiyah who raised Musa: a queen who raised a Prophet; a woman who raised one of the greatest revolutionaries the world has ever known.

Today, we must be ‘Asiyah.

Today, as we witness murderers and madmen ruling our lands, we must be the ‘Asiyahs: We must be the parents who raise our children to be aware of the injustice around them, to teach them that the privileges we enjoy are a responsibility to do more, to fight against the horrors surrounding us, to dedicate ourselves to changing the world for the better, to speak against the Pharoahs of our nations, to be determined to do everything possible – even the impossible – for the sake of Divine Justice.

The likes of ‘Asiyah are the ones who will raise the likes of Musa – and so we are to live like ‘Asiyah, that we may die like ‘Asiyah – with absolute conviction in our beliefs, with love for our Creator burning so strongly in our hearts that no human injustice can break us, knowing that even when we pass away, our legacy of faith and justice and revolution will live on in our children and our children’s children.

It is ‘Asiyah who teaches us, just as she taught Musa the meaning of courage and conviction, in her life and even in her death – for though she was killed by Pharaoh for her belief in Allah, Allah elevated her amongst all of humankind and immortalized her final prayer in the Quran:

{And Allah presents an example of those who believed: the wife of Pharaoh, when she said, “My Lord, build for me near You a house in Paradise and save me from Pharaoh and his deeds and save me from the wrongdoing people.”} [Surat Al-Tahrim, 66:11]

#ForgottenHeroines

...And the male is not like the female.

The ayah "And the male is not like the female" is so often used to tell women to shut up - to tell them not to question injustices committed against them, to remain silent when their Shar'i rights are stripped from them, to accept ill treatment & flimsy excuses instead of legitimate explanations for 'scholarly' sayings & rulings issued that only harm women.
In truth, the Divine words '& the male is not like the female' is meant to emphasize that the differences between male & female shouldn't be viewed as some kind of validation for the marginalization of women, but to celebrate the fact that men & women alike were created uniquely.

These differences are to be appreciated, not mocked; these differences are meant to be used in tandem with each other so that the genders can complement each other & support each other to build a beautiful, holistic environment wherein *everyone* benefits - not just one group.

Wa laysath-thaka ka'l untha: Female input is required in all spheres of life because we have insights that men may never be able to come up, yet for women, they are clear and obvious, a part of our everyday lives. There is wisdom & benefit in our differences.
Allah mentions our differences to remind us that we need each other - not that we must work against each other. We are meant to appreciate each other and grow in love for each other.

It is heartbreaking to see the ayah used so often to shut women up - whether about poly, inheritance, Jannah, or anything else, we aren't given thoughtful answers & explanations, but expected to fall silent & accept attitudes & authority that are clearly incorrect.

Though the words were said by Maryam's mother in anguish & worry over not being able to fulfill her oath, Allah gave those words a greater meaning: that Maryam, a female, was not like a male - if Himnah had had a son instead of a daughter, then history would have been very, very different.

Yet those words, which should remind us of the greatness of women & our role in our Deen, are used instead to humiliate us & marginalize us on an almost daily basis.

The 'fitnah' that men face is claimed to be greater than any oppression, injustice, or temptation that women face - bc 'we aren't the same.' Why not pause for a moment and think about how indeed, we aren't the same - in so many ways, the fitnah women face is so much greater.
Sex? Money? Power? Women suffer in so many ways because of them, yet we are consistently told that our desires don't matter; our access to finances is unnecessary, & we have no authority outside the domestic sphere; to seek any of the above is to 'try & be like men.'
The idea that we are merely trying to be seen as full-fledged humans with all the needs & necessities associated, appears alien to so many of our men - even the 'good' ones, the ones who don't intend us harm, the ones who don't intend injustice, yet who have heard 'the male is not like the female' for so long and in all the wrong ways, that they refuse to believe women when we beseech them to understand how indeed, the way we are not like them is because we are hurt so much more than them.

It grieves me, and it infuriates me, that to be a Muslim woman today who seeks to live in accordance to her Lord's words, according to a standard of justice and excellence, is to be accused of corrupting the Divine faith itself. God forbid that we point out how others have done a far more potent job at corrupting the Deen, with disastrous consequences for half the Ummah.

But no...the male is not like the female & so, the female must suffer for the corrupted power that the male wields not only over her, but over all of society.

Toxic: A Journey Through Emotional Abuse

“Emotional abuse” is a term that evokes looks of discomfort and feelings of panic amongst Muslims; kneejerk reactions and defensive declarations of “that stuff doesn’t happen to Muslims!” or even “there’s no such thing!”

Before we discuss the issue further, however, we must first know: what is emotional abuse?

Emotional Abuse: A form of abuse characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder.^[1][2][3] Such abuse is often associated with situations of power imbalance, such as abusive relationships, bullying, and abuse in the workplace.[1]

Signs of Emotional Abuse[2]:

·        Humiliation, degradation, discounting, negating, judging, criticizing.

·        Domination, control, and shame

·        Accusing and blaming, trivial and unreasonable demands or expectations, denies own shortcomings

·        Emotional distancing and the “silent treatment,” isolation, emotional abandonment or neglect

·        Codependence and enmeshment

Emotional abuse is, arguably, even more widespread in Muslim communities than physical or sexual abuse is. In fact, many emotionally abusive behaviors have long been considered culturally ‘normal’ in both the East and the West, and continue to be implicitly accepted in many so-called Muslim societies. As a result, many Muslim marriages have and continue to suffer in a deeply unhealthy manner that runs in opposition to the Islamic injunction to live together in love and mercy.

It is important to note that all abusive behaviors, whether physical or emotional, are in direct contradiction to the adab and akhlaaq of true Muslims. The Qur’an and the Sunnah of RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), who was the best of creation and was sent to perfect excellence of character, directly prohibit the appalling behavior displayed by emotional abusers.

The signs and symptoms of emotional abuse are easily written off as someone simply being “oversensitive” or unable to handle the “normal challenges” in marriage.  However, there is a huge difference between the natural friction and misunderstandings that occur in a marriage, and consistent long-term behaviors that strip away someone’s identity and self-worth, leaving them internally broken and battered.

Unfortunately, cultural norms and allegedly “Islamic” double-standards have ensured that emotional abuse is rarely, if ever, discussed or even taken seriously by members of the Muslim community. Men and women alike are both perpetrators and victims of emotional abuse, although amongst Muslims, men have the distinct advantage of being able to pronounce talaaq if they wish, without the legal difficulties that women face in requesting a khul’ divorce.  The role of emotional abuse as a legitimate reason for divorce is an even more sensitive subject, with few imams amongst the vast majority of them accepting it as a reason to grant women khul’.

A Journey Through Emotional Abuse

Due to my own experience in a toxic marriage, and to work towards eradicating the stigma and many misconceptions surrounding emotional abuse, I have chosen to share the stories of others who have experienced emotionally abusive relationships.

Isolation & Abuse

It took me a few years to realise [the emotional abuse], as it started very gradually, and built up, and got worse as the years went on. I think it must have taken around 4 to 5 years for it to finally hit home, after the birth of my second child.

By the time I fully realized how he had taken the emotional abuse to such a level, my second child had just been born. I was suffering from post-natal depression. My (now ex-) husband had had an argument with my parents, over something really trivial, and took it out on me. I ended up more or less locked in the house, nowhere to go and nobody to speak to, except his family. Looking back, at the time, I realised that he had already cut me off from so many people. I had lost all my friends as I wasn't allowed to keep in contact with them, and he wouldn't let me make new ones. Visits and phone calls to my family were limited and monitored, so I could never talk to anybody about how I felt or just generally talk about things that mattered to me. If I tried talking to him, he would interrupt and change the subject, so my voice was never heard, my opinions never mattered. I was only 'trusted' with his family. – R.S.

I can’t say when exactly I realized he was emotionally abusive. I was in denial and blamed myself for the problems for a while. I knew something was weird when he would go for days without speaking with me.

My ex had severe mood swings and a horrible temper. He could go for weeks without speaking with me, looking at me and definitely not touching me and nothing I did would soften his heart toward me until ‘he came back.’ That’s how I described it, it’s like he would leave and then come back. He once smashed his fist through a glass door because he was upset with me and when I was away at school, I’d go for up to 5 months without him visiting or picking my calls. He eroded my self-confidence and would scold me, call me names, threaten me and say all sorts of negative stuff to me. Then he would wake up the next morning and hug me, almost in tears, saying how much he loved me and pleading with me to stop doing things to hurt him. – H.M.

I actually didn't realize my ex-wife was emotionally abusive until after our divorce. The entire time I was married to her she had me convinced that I deserved her abuse because I made her do it by not being good enough to her.

I tried many times during our marriage to reason with her, acknowledge her feelings and even begging her to stop. We went to a marriage counselor but she quit when the counselor tried explaining to her that she had to change behaviours. She would change behaviour for a day or two at most then revert to screaming, yelling, controlling my movements, communications, etc.

My ex accused me at various times of molesting both my children(one daughter, one son) She informed me a few times that she was certain I was homosexual (alhamdulillah I am not) but it was all done to break me down. Every wrong number phone was a woman I was sleeping with, every woman in the street was someone who I lusted after and would leave her for. – C.R.

‘Religious’ Justification

Everything he did, he'd tried to justify by finding a hadith or some kind of quote from somewhere that somehow supported him. So, because he was too lazy to find a job he managed to find a hadith that said something along the lines of, if your salaah suffers because you're working, then you should reconsider your job. So he'd use that an an excuse not to work, saying that by being in an office, he wouldn't be able to pray at the masjid.

I once asked him to ask the local mufti, is it halal to [remain] unemployed, not helping in the house or with the children, whilst your wife earns the money, looks after the kids, [and] runs the house? Is it halal to live off your wife's earnings? We all know the answer to this. He spoke to the mufti and came back home and said "Muftisaab said, as long as you're happy to spend your money on the family, then that is fine. And you're happy to do so, aren't you?" And out of fear, I couldn't argue the point. – R.S.

Disagreements were not tolerated. I would often find that a single innocent word would result in him turning his back on me for days on end, and if I did not scramble to figure out what I had said or done wrong and subsequently beg for forgiveness, I was reminded that ungrateful, disobedient wives made up the majority of the inhabitants of Jahannam.

I would break down and wonder why I was such a terrible wife, why it was so impossible for him to be pleased with me. My eman dipped so low that I wondered if I would truly burn in Hell for being unable to ensure my husband’s emotional satisfaction with me. 

I seriously considered counseling and brought it up several times to my husband – only to be denounced as letting Shaytan whisper to me, that counseling is ‘ayb and haraam, and that I was allowing my corrupt Western upbringing to influence me even more. – Z.K.

He said that I was the devil and he used to call me names in Arabic, like 'hypocrite'. He said if I tried to be a Muslim, I would bring bad luck to the religion and he told me not to dare to wear hijab or to ever teach or tell him anything about his religion; that he was born into it and knew more than me about how it should be practised. SubhanAllah. – D.S.

My ex-wife used Islam as an excuse for her abuse constantly. Her favorite was the topic of lowering the gaze. If she had even a twinge of jealousy, I was subjected to a barrage of questioning. When we went out she would only be satisfied if my eyes were on the floor constantly and if she thought there was even a remote possibility of me having noticed a woman, she would berate me in public and force me to take her home immediately so she could scream at without anyone seeing. There were also many examples of physical abuse that went along with this.

If I had turned my head and a woman happened to be there, she would either scream at me or tell me in hushed whispers that "you're a pervert", "you're sick", "you disgust me" and so on. One of her biggest things was using ahadith about kind treatment of wives. If I tried to make her stop, I was being oppressive and so on. I was forbidden from watching TV and was constantly suspected of hiding pornography around the house(I never did). While I was being accused of lusting after women and so on, my ex-wife was herself indulging in pornography on a near daily basis which I didn't find out until much later. – C.R.

Impact on Children

I see that the children have very low self-esteem and confidence and my eldest daughter seems to want to be with boys who show worryingly similar characteristics to her father.

My eldest daughter, who was 7 years old when we left, suffered guilt, because she often used to ask, 'why don't we just leave'? So when I finally managed to start to escape, she tried to stop me, because she thought it was because of her suggestion. He used to get her up in the middle of the night to ask her who was better - him or me? she used to apologise to me in the morning when he was not around, for saying 'him.'

We had to keep the curtains closed during the day and be sure not to make any sound so as not to disturb him. He would get very angry if we disturbed him. Sometimes he refused to let the children go to school in the morning, so we would sneak around and try to get out the front door without waking him. – D.S.

We have a daughter and his two sons from his previous marriage lived with us. My daughter was still little when I left but I felt his first son was affected. He would always cry when one of us was going somewhere, he always asked if the person was coming back. Leaving those two boys behind was very hard for me. – H.M.

I have two children, mashallah. [My daughter] was only 6 when we left him, [and my son] was 3. But they still remember incidents. Emotionally, he abused [my daughter] a lot - he was fixated on making her a hafidha, to the extent that he would threaten her (for example, "I'll light a match in your mouth if you don't pray"). He also caused conflict between them - so for example, he once told her, "You don't like [your brother], do you? Let's put him in a bag, tie him up and throw him in the river." She went through counselling as she was really badly affected by him. She hated seeing him after the separation and would get nightmares and would get really upset or angry. It's taken a long time, and a lot of professional help, to get her back to normal. – R.S.

I have two children with my ex, they were definitely affected by the emotional abuse, especially my five year old son. He watched his mother tear my shirt off me when I was trying to leave our apartment when she was screaming at me. My ex-wife has turned a lot of her abuse on my son especially, allowing her boyfriend to beat him.

I really scared myself as to how much abuse I put up with. My children meant more to me than anything and when I was by myself I would cry for them and myself. – C.R.

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[1] Wikipedia; the British Journal of Psychiatry and the book ‘Psychological Abuse in Domestic Relations’ (by Daniel K. O’Leary and Roland D. Maiuro).

[2] PsychCentral.com; Maria Bogdanos.

Orthodox Muslims and Feminism

After watching an old video clip of a BBC program panel discussion on faith and feminism (featuring a Muslim woman in niqab as well as women from other faith groups), my primary reaction was one of disappointment.

Not only did the Muslimah representative remain largely silent throughout the discussion, but when she did speak, it was to offer weak platitudes and analogies about 'equality' - frankly, it made me cringe.

The video, however, highlighted to me many trends that I see when it comes to discussions about feminism amongst or involving conservative/orthodox Muslims.

For one thing, those who don't identify as feminists usually have skewed perception of feminism; those who do identify as feminists always fall back on the topics of hijab/niqab, polygamy, and 'equal but different'. There is very little mention of the active and important role of women from the very beginning of Islamic history.

Furthermore, orthodox Muslims discussing feminism often seem oblivious to the very existence of intersectional feminism, let alone the larger discussions and trends taking place within it. In general, conservative Muslims focus heavily on secular feminism rather than intersectional feminism, which is much more relevant to both women of faith as well as colour. The former is largely recognized to be exclusionist and limiting, with its focus being primarily on White, middle-class women of privilege.

Sadly, many conservative Muslims use the excuse of 'evil feminism' to deliberately ignore serious issues within our communities, especially with regards to the abuse and (mis)treatment of women. Discussing male privilege within masaajid, the abuse of authority, and how women are blocked from accessing their Shar'i rights are all written off as 'deviant feminism,' regardless of whether or not the individual identifies as a feminist to begin with!

It becomes ironic when even the most ideal, model Muslimah is condemned as a feminist the moment she starts speaking up for women's rights - or speaking up about anything at all, for that matter.

In short, rather than freaking out about feminism (and arguing about how it's 'kufr'), orthodox Muslims need to fix the major problems in our communities that lead to people seeking out feminism as a solution to begin with.
If we are so concerned with people 'abandoning the Shari'ah' allegedly because of feminism, we should be more concerned with *why* people are doing so - and the answer is very obvious. It is because we, the Muslim Ummah as a whole, are hell bent on avoiding dealing with our dirty laundry; in fact, in many cases we seem to want to *preserve* the injustice and oppression we inflict upon each other.

Bottom line: Stop whining about feminism, and start focusing on the very real problems (including and especially misogyny) that have left our Ummah weak and diseased.

May Allah make us amongst those who strive to fight oppression and stand up for the justice found within His Shari'ah (regardless of whether one calls themselves feminist or not ), ameen.

Between Hypersexualization & Extreme Segregation: Mixed Gender Interaction in Islam

It is unfortunate that today, the Ummah seems to fall into two camps when it comes to mixed gender interaction.

One side - quite often those of a more conservative stripe, whether cultural, religious, or both - holds that it is impossible for men and women to ever interact in a way that is free of sexual tension; that men and women are primal, innately sexual beings who are unable to operate in a manner that puts sexual desire on the back burner; and that it is nigh sacrilegious to even suggest otherwise.

The other side - usually of the liberal and progressive stream - posit that implying that bringing up sexual desire as a presence in any mixed gender interactions is downright insulting. Some believe that hijab and lowering of the gaze are unnecessary and oppressively restrict both genders by creating an attitude of paranoid hypersexuality.

In truth, neither are correct.

Islam recognizes that men and women are both human beings, with diverse qualities, characteristics, and desires... but does *not* render those desires evil in and of themselves, nor state that women are solely responsible for 'inciting' the desires of men.

The obligation of lowering the gaze, modest dressing, and hijab exist for a reason - neither to hide our sexual desires nor to highlight them, but simply to recognize their existence and take appropriate measures to remind us human beings of how to conduct ourselves in a manner befitting of true believers.

Islam is a religion which does not merely create and enforce rules for no reason other than blind obedience; those rulings exist for a reason, and that reason is to purify our behaviour, our speech, and our character such that we attain not just a state of 'Islam' (submission/obedience), but of *Ihsaan.*

When we look to RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam), and how his Companions - men and women alike - interacted with each other, we see a holistic understanding of both mixed-gender interaction... one which emphasized a state of Ihsaan.

The men and women of the Companions interacted with each other on a regular basis: bargaining in the marketplace, visiting each other, seeking knowledge with each other, even challenging and debating each other. Yet their every interaction was marked by a striving for chastity, for spiritual strength and purity. They had a consciousness and awareness of honour and dignity, and conducted themselves with such.

Those who imply that men and women cannot possibly interact with each other in a 'safe' manner (some go so far as to claim that if a woman even moves her elbow in a certain way, it will be percieved as sexually attractive by men) are in fact insulting the very spirit of Ihsaan that exists within the rulings of hijaab.

As Muslims, it is not enough for us to say "our desires exist" - it is upon us to seek to conquer those base desires, not merely in action (e.g. through observing hijab or segregating the genders), but in the very way we *think.*
Allah describes the relationship between the believers, men and women, as one of cooperation in all aspects of life and society; worshipping Allah together and enjoining the good and forbidding the evil. It is a relationship based upon honour and dignity, upon the 'izzah bestowed upon us by Islam, a relationship that recognizes our humanity (including our sexuality) but does not restrict us to being controlled by those human desires.

To reduce the rulings of our Deen in such a manner that we encourage our baser desires rather than conquering them, is to remove that 'izzah from ourselves and make us no better than animals who have no control over their thoughts and actions.

{The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those - Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.} (Qur'an 9:71)

Gheerah: Selfish Jealousy or Honourable Protectiveness?

One of the most incorrectly translated and misunderstood concepts related to social issues is that of gheerah.

Commonly translated as 'jealousy' (and limited to men), the term 'gheerah' has unfortunately been used to justify extremely controlling and even abusive behavior from men towards their wives or other women over whom they wield authority.

A better translation of gheerah is 'honourable protectiveness' rather than jealousy... a Muslim man's gheerah is a deep sense of selfless honour that ensures his chivalric behaviour and respects the dignity of the women around him. It is a sense of sincere concern and protectiveness that doesn't extend to being controlling or abusive.

One example of gheerah done right is illustrated in the famous story of azZubayr ibn al-‘Awwam and Asma bint Abi Bakr. Though Asma refused a ride from RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) himself due to her consideration for azZubayr, her husband was the one who wept and told her that it would have been preferable to him if she had ridden with RasulAllah, than suffered the long and arduous journey she had been undertaking on her own.
This was a beautiful type of gheerah – one where he put his own personal preferences aside out of care for the wellbeing of his wife, where his sense of honour was *selfless*, not *selfish*.

In addition, gheerah is NOT limited to men. While women are often referred to or written off as ‘jealous,’ the implication is often that it’s a selfish type of jealousy, or a dishonourable one. What is often overlooked is the honourable gheerah of a woman towards her menfolk: her father, her brothers, her sons, and so on. How is this gheerah manifested?
Interestingly enough, it is almost identical in many ways to the gheerah of a man over his womenfolk – the sense of selfless honour and chivalry, a sincere concern related to pleasing Allah and not having someone transgress His boundaries.

Such an example would be that of a woman who sees her father or brother (or, for that matter, any Muslim man) interacting with a non-Mahram woman in an inappropriate manner… whether it simply be that he is being overly friendly with her (or that she’s putting the moves on him), or that there’s something obviously flirtatious going on.
One very obvious example of what we see today is that of mashayikh on their Facebook pages – and women acting overly familiar with them. Even if the shaykh has only good intentions in behaving in a ‘friendly’ manner with everyone in general, his mother, sisters, or even his daughters could feel gheerah towards him due to the high risk of fitnah (in more than just one obvious way) that mashaayikh do feel.

The sense of protectiveness, defensiveness, and dislike of this situation is all related to gheerah.

What distinguishes honourable gheerah from selfish jealousy is that one is not feeling offended on account of their personal preferences, but on the basis of pleasing Allah and being aware of His boundaries. Thus, it can be defined as ‘spiritual jealousy’ – the consciousness that arises from having taqwa and wanting the best for one’s brothers and sisters in Islam.

Another important point to note that is honourable gheerah never leads to inappropriate actions – for example, we all know about the unfortunately common (in some parts of the world) situation of men who killed their sisters or their daughters out of a twisted sense of ‘gheerah,’ with absolutely no legitimate Shar’i excuse for doing so.

Narrated ‘Abdullah bin Masud:
RasulAllah said: “There is none having a greater sense of Gheerah than Allah. And for that He has forbidden the doing of evil actions (illegal sexual intercourse etc.).” (Bukhari)

"The foundation of the Religion is Gheerah, and the one without Gheerah is one without Religion, for Gheerah protects the heart and enlivens the limbs, and shields one from evil and lewdness, and lack of Gheerah kills the heart so that the limbs die, so that there remains not even shielding from [the minor things].

And the example of Gheerah in the heart is the example of the strength that shields one from sickness and fights it off, so if the strength leaves, he will be faced with the sickness, and will not find anything to protect himself from it, so it will establish itself [within him] and destroy him.” (Ibn Qayyim, Ad-Daa’ Wad-Dawaa’)

Book Review: Brutal

Brutal is the heartbreaking true story of a young girl who was molested for several years by the imam of her local masjid, her madressa teacher. The author, Nabila Sharma, recounts her childhood as the only daughter of immigrant Pakistani parents, who settled in the UK with four older brothers. In the tradition of many desi immigrants, Nabila’s father sought to provide a better future for his children by owning and operating a small newsagents shop, in addition to working extra jobs, while his wife
helped run the shop and look after the children. Nabila’s life was that of any little girl – playing with her toys, going to a new school and making friends.

At the age of seven, Nabila joined her brothers in attending the local masjid’s madressa to learn Urdu and how to read the Qur’an. From her description of her first experiences there, it is obvious that these were the early days of Muslim immigrants in the West – where madressa was taught by harsh, unloving teachers who felt no qualms in beating their students and made no effort to teach
the young pupils the beauty of Islam. What is unfortunate is how such a negative experience obviously pushed young Nabila away from loving her faith or searching a deeper understanding of it; the first two chapters show how much more she was attracted to the Sikh religion instead.

After several teachers came and went, the madressa found a new, permanent imam to teach the young Muslim children who attended regularly. It was then that Nabila’s years-long nightmare began.

Following the typical pattern of child abuse, the unnamed teacher began to shower Nabila with unusual attention – first looking at her constantly from afar, then calling her aside and choosing her for the ‘special task’ of cleaning his private quarters. Then, as soon as he had her alone, the abuse began, in slow but ever increasing intensity.
The description of the abuse - of the psychological impact it had on young Nabila - is harrowing. As the abuse continued for years, from the ages of seven to eleven, Nabila fell into self-harming as a way to cope with the horrific experiences she was forced to go through. Her every attempt to try and stop her abuser, including when she offered herself in place of a young girl who was to become his next victim, was to no avail; even when her parents found out what was happening, they made no move to remove her from the madressa or to report the teacher to the police.
At the age of eleven, Nabila was finally able to leave the madressa, and her abuser, forever. However, she had been so traumatised from the events that had taken place, with no recourse or even therapy to cope with it, that her life afterwards continued to suffer.

While the lesson of the story is that child abuse occurs much more often than we would like to think and that there are far too many adults who fail to protect the children under their care, I found other morals to be derived from the narration of this horrific story.

First of all, religion plays no role whatsoever in the terrible crimes that are committed by the adherents of the faith. Whether Catholic priests, Muslim imams or atheist teachers, child abuse and rape are the province of filthy, twisted individuals who have no qualms about wielding power and control over their vulnerable victims.

Secondly, without any positive spiritual relationship at a young age, it is all too easy for victims of abuse to relate their abuse to the faith under the guise of which they were abused. One particularly heartbreaking sentence from Nabila which shook me was “after that night I never said my prayers again. What was the point? No one, or no god, was ever going to rescue me.”

There are certainly those survivors of abuse who are able to move past the religious trappings of their abusers and to seek the truth of God, but for many it can be difficult to separate the relationship between religion and abuse. In other cases – in this context, Muslims in particular – the link between the two can push them to seek another religion entirely, without even understanding their own correctly first. From many of Nabila’s descriptions, it seems that through all the years at the madressa, there was no discussion or awareness whatsoever about Allah I or even the basic pillars of Islam. It was all about ‘memorising prayers’. Even for those who are not abused, this lack of spiritual education is crippling and dangerous.

Brutal is a sobering reminder of the crimes that can be committed even by those whom we, as Muslims, are most likely to trust: those whom we look to for leadership and guidance. On the other hand, it is also a sharp wake-up call to parents to be keenly aware of their children’s lives and of their responsibility to be true guardians over their charges. There is never an excuse to place cultural notions of “family honour”, “reputation” and “shame” over the physical, sexual and psychological safety of a child. On the Day of Judgement, any adult guardian who knowingly allowed their charges to continue to be harmed in any way will stand before Allah and be held accountable for the grave transgression of their duties.

Nabila Sharma’s account of the abuse she suffered as a child at the hands of someone who should have protected her and taught her the Deen should be a brutal reality check for those of us who still deny that such things happen in our communities. As Muslims, it is our duty as an Ummah to hold such criminals accountable for their evil deeds and to protect the vulnerable against the injustices perpetrated against them.

Zainab bint Younus (AnonyMouse) is a writer, social justice activistwannabe and absent-minded bookworm. She writes for SISTERS Magazine, SaudiLife.net and blogs at http://www.thesalafifeminist.blogspot.com.

Physically Disabled, or Enabled for Paradise?

Those suffering from mental illness or extreme physical ailments are often treated shamefully by fellow Muslims. Many times, they are overtly excluded from being a part of the Muslim community; whether it's looking at them askance, avoiding talking to them, or not making an effort to make our masaajid and Islamic centers wheel-chair friendly, our behavior is in direct contradiction to the Sunnah of RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam).

We tend to use the term "disabled" to describe people who have been tested by Allah in terms of their physical or mentally health - yet what we don't realize is that in many cases, they are actually far more "enabled" than the rest of us are. Our brothers and sisters in Islam who are experiencing these trials in their lives often display levels of patience and strength in the face of hardship than most of us, who enjoy good health throughout our lives, do.

Umm Zafar, better known as 'the Abyssinian woman' who suffered from epilepsy in the time of RasulAllah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) was such a person. Though epilepsy was, at the time (and still is, in many parts of the world), considered to be something severe, strange, and even shameful, she bore her test with a strength, patience, and dignity equal to that of any mujaahid on the battlefield.

Ibn `Abbâs once said to `Atâ b. Rabâh: "Shouldn't I point out to you a woman of Paradise?"

He replied: "Indeed. Do so."

Ibn `Abbâs said: "Do you see that black complexioned lady? She approached the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said: 'I suffer from epilepsy and during a fit, my body becomes exposed. So please supplicate Allah on my behalf.'

"Then the Prophet said to her: 'If you choose, you might rather bear it patiently and you will attain Paradise on account of it. Or if you like, I will beseech Allah to cure you.'

"She said: 'I will bear it patiently. But my body gets exposed, so please beseech Allah that my body will no longer be exposed.'

"The Prophet (peace be upon him) beseeched Allah for this." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (5652) and Sahîh Muslim (2576)]

As a result of what many of us would consider her "disability," Umm Zafar was blessed with the greatest ability of all: the ability to enter Paradise.

The next time we see a fellow Muslim who is suffering, whether from a physical or mental ailment, don't treat them as inferior or as though you're afraid that they're contagious. Don't talk down to them, don't assume that you are better than them, and don't think that because of their illness, that they are inferior to you.

Yes, they are 'different' - not because they are "sick," but because so many of them have met the challenge that Allah has placed before them with such strong emaan, patience, and strength, that they may be amongst those guaranteed Jannah.

#ForgottenHeroines

Pregnant Girls, Single Mothers

In today's day and age, Maryam bint 'Imraan would be considered just another young girl pregnant out of wedlock. When the priests of Bani Isra'el kicked her out of her sanctuary due to her pregnancy, she was effectively rendered homeless. We would have written her off as another unfortunate statistic and pity her child as being unable to have a stable home or any kind of meaningful future.

Instead, Maryam became one of the most famous women in Islamic history. She defied the odds and defied the animosity of her society, and was able to raise a Prophet who changed the course of history.

Never give up on the hundreds and thousands of young, pregnant girls and single mothers. Never write them off as "hopeless" and their children as 'burdens' to this Ummah.
Instead, think of them as one of the most powerful sources of hope for this Ummah: Those who, with strong emaan and the right tools, could raise a generation of Muslims who have overcome the odds with a strength that will help change this world for the better.

#ForgottenHeroines