A Father's Advice

In the days when the pious walked the streets hand-in-hand with the penitent; and men veiled their faces out of modesty, knowing that their majesty could oft be too much temptation for the lioness-women who loved them, a wise father sat with his son on the night before his marriage.

"My son," he said tenderly, his beard streaked grey with the wisdom of his years, "Were it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice due to good manners and noble descent, then my words would be worthless, for you carry both within you. Yet this will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful and provide wisdom to the foolish."

“My son, if a man were able to do without a wife by virtue of his mother's care and his need for his mother's love, then you of all men would be most able to do without a wife: but men were created for women, just as women were created for men."

“My son, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to enter a new home, to a companion with whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, she has become your queen - so be like a noble attendant to her, and she will become a noble attendant to you."

"Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision for you in times of need, and a blessing for you in times of joy:

The first and second of them are: be content in her company, and listen to and please her, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and pleasing one's wife brings peace to one's heart.

The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; she should not see anything ugly from you, and she should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best most masculine of adornment to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.

The fifth and sixth of them are: provide her with food on time, and keep quiet when she is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing her sleep will destroy her well-being.

The seventh and eight of them are: take care of her servants and children, and be grateful to her, for she bears your children, and she sacrifices her body to feed them and care for them. Taking care of her servants and children shows that you are responsible towards her, and expressing your gratefulness to her shows that you are appreciative to her for her heart and her body. 

The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of her secrets, and never insult her or dismiss her; for if you disclose any of her secrets, you will never feel safe from her possible betrayal, and if you insult her, her heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

Be careful, my son, of showing joy in front of her when she is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of her when she is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make her unhappy."

"Verily, these are the wisdoms passed down from father to son: the words which, if followed, make a boy into a man, a rash youth into a worthy husband. No home will rent asunder, nor heart feel distress, so long as the young warriors of our tribe take these words to their chests, held closer than armour, more precious than any spoils of war."

- Tuhfat al-Arees, Naseeha lil Shabaab