Monday, February 10, 2020

#ValentinesDayIsHaraam

Roses are red, violets are blue,
You need to do wudhu.
Because you stink.
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I dream about you every night...
When I forget to recite Ayatul Kursi to ward off Shaytan.
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Roses are red, violets are blue,
Shaytaan disgusts me
And you do, too.
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Whenever I see you, I lower my gaze
Because you're ugly and I don't want to do dhulm on myself.
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Did you fall from Jannah?
Because boy, you look like Iblees.
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I love you like Salafis love the Mawlid.
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I love you like a Sufi loves reading Kitaab at-Tawheed.
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I love you like a Sufi loves the three categories of Tawheed.
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I love you like Jamaatis love cleaning up after themselves at a masjid.
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I love you like desi aunties love hearing that their beti is going to marry a Black Muslim man.
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I love you like Khaleejis love hearing that their beloved eldest son is marrying a desi girl.
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I love you like converts love telling their conversion story to random strangers at the masjid.
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I love you like Muslims love being "randomly selected" by airport security.
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I love you like proggies love traditional Islamic scholarship on hijab, gender and sexuality.
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I love you like masjid boards love having transparent, non-corrupt elections.
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I love you like Madkhalis love hearing criticism of the Saudi government.
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