Since I am in aunty mode about marriage - I got thoroughly crabby seeing young Muslim men and women on Twitter complaining about how there's no one out there responsible enough for marriage and whatnot.
So here is a very basic list of some adulting skills that everyone should know at least *some* of in preparation for marriage.
So here is a very basic list of some adulting skills that everyone should know at least *some* of in preparation for marriage.
(Disclaimer: I learned roughly half these things in the year before marriage, and the rest during first year of marriage. I do not claim to be an expert. I got married at 18, had a kid at 19, and was adulting at a semi proficient level by 20... although yes, I still frantically text my mother even now.)
I learned most of this while living in Egypt (with occasional stints in the village) and in Kuwait (as a broke non-Kuwaiti, not as a spoiled khaleeji). You learn a lot of things the hard way, like how to toast bread on the stove when you can't afford a toaster. Husband, your commentary is unnecessary here.)
Whether male or female, you should know how to make at least 3 breakfast items (toast and frozen items don't count) - depends on your culture, but it should be basic and easy, e.g. scrambled eggs, oatmeal, fool, za3tar and laban, etc.
Same applies for lunch and dinner. Doesn't have to be fancy, but you need to know the basics. Get up and go learn from your mom or dad or Pinterest or whatever. Just learn it instead of daydreaming about your spouse cooking for you. IT'S CALLED SURVIVAL SKILLS. (I learned from Canadian Living, before Pinterest was a thing. My mother still hasn't forgiven me.)
Do your own damn laundry. Know the difference between hot water wash (and what items to use it for), and cold water/ delicates. DON'T MIX A RED ITEM WITH WHITE. (Yes, I ruined my own delicates and the Mouseling's brand new baby onesies. Ugh.)
Know how to make a budget, and how to stick to it. Learn how to avoid debt under all circumstances. Yes, this means being frugal. Yes, this means couponing. Yes, this means not spending $5 every day at Starbucks if you can't afford it. Yes, this means buying things on clearance.
If you weren't raised by cheap desi parents who taught you every budgeting trick there is, then go read a book or look up online how best to budget.
And don't just budget for your immediate needs - anticipate future expenses, create a savings account (for school, Hajj, wedding).
And don't just budget for your immediate needs - anticipate future expenses, create a savings account (for school, Hajj, wedding).
Learn how to be a good host/hostess. That means knowing the adab/ etiquette of having guests over - offering them water or drinks when they come in and are seated, knowing how to turn half a package of Oreos and some cheese sticks into a presentable snack tray, etc.
Growing up, I always saw my parents being extremely generous hosts, even when completely unprepared, and they trained my brothers and I without even realizing it. Kudos to Arabs especially for really knowing how to provide a beautiful experience for their guests.
Learn how to iron. I hate ironing, I avoid doing it as much as possible, I still don't always have the hang of ironing men's shirts (but I can starch a ghutrah like no one's business), but LEARN THE BASICS OF IRONING and how not to burn your brand-new abayah.
Men: this still applies to you. Learn to iron your own clothes. Also learn to iron women's clothing. (Especially hijabs and abayas.)
My grandfather ironed my grandmother's clothes every day, and she always looked like she'd just stepped out of a desi granny fashion mag.
Bonus points if you know how to light bukhoor/ agar bhatti/ Yankee candles.
Good scents are from the Sunnah, and it is a habit that one should make regular for the household. There's nothing quite like walking in through the door and inhaling beautiful incense.
(Unless you or others in your home are allergic to perfumes and strong scents, in which case, never mind.)
(Unless you or others in your home are allergic to perfumes and strong scents, in which case, never mind.)
Know how to clean a bathroom. That means scrubbing the toilet at least once a week, the bathtub a few times a month, and generally sanitizing all surfaces.
There is nothing nastier than leaving a mess in your bathroom and doing nothing to clean it.
There is nothing nastier than leaving a mess in your bathroom and doing nothing to clean it.
AND NO, GENDER STEREOTYPES ABOUT MEN LEAVING MESSES ON TOILET SEATS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.
FIQH OF TAHARA, PEOPLE.
Know how to operate a vacuum, and how to sweep and mop as well.
If you're not doing this in your/ your parents' home, you don't deserve to have a marital home.
Learn how to sew a basic stitch in case of emergencies. I'm not asking you to embroider a tapestry or tailor make a suit, but knowing how to thread a needle and mend a tear or rip is super duper handy. (I failed every sewing class my mother put me in, and my current pile of torn clothing is at her house, but yes, I can technically mend a tear.)
For more Muslim-specific adulting: be the person who wakes everyone up for Fajr (or sets enough alarms that eventually, *someone* will wake up).
In Ramadan, be the person who helps with suhoor and iftaar.
In Ramadan, be the person who helps with suhoor and iftaar.
Be the person who reminds the rest of the household to fulfill sunan of Jumu'ah - doing ghusl, wearing best clothes, surah Kahf etc.
Call the adhaan for every salah and encourage everyone at home to pray together.
Remember the hadith of Aishah, describe RasulAllah doing chores.
Ensure that the rizq entering your home is scrupulously halal.
Try to ensure that the food consumed in your home is both halal and tayyib.
Standard sunnah foods to keep on hand: honey, dates, black seed and black seed oil, olive oil. Make it a habit to ruqya-fy honey & oils.
(I.e. recite ayaat used for ruqya over your water, honey, olive and black seed oils. It is a means of protection and benefit, regardless of whether you have ayn or sihr issues; it's beneficial even for physical ailments.
Pro tip: buy big jars/bottles and recite over them.)
(I.e. recite ayaat used for ruqya over your water, honey, olive and black seed oils. It is a means of protection and benefit, regardless of whether you have ayn or sihr issues; it's beneficial even for physical ailments.
Pro tip: buy big jars/bottles and recite over them.)
Recite Qur'an often in the home. Have it playing regularly on audio.
Say the adhkaar for entering and leaving home, for morning and evening etc.
And that, folks, is a 101 to Basic Muslim-y Adulting. I don't want to hear any whining on the TL about how Muslim boys/ girls aren't responsible enough for marriage. Fulfill this checklist, and you'll be decently prepared for the adulting part. This all applies to men and women equally.
P.S. never underestimate the importance of Tupperwares, and by Tupperware I don't mean the brand name, I mean washing out and using every yogurt tub, jam jar, and pasta bottle you use.
No comments:
Post a Comment