“When a Muslim servant
(of Allah) or a believer (Mumin) washes his face (in the course of Wudhu),
every sin he has committed with his eyes is washed away from his face along
with the water, or with the last drop of water; when he washes his hands, every
sin they wrought is erased from his hands with the water, or with the last drop
of water; and when he washes his feet, every sin towards which his feet walked
is washed away with water, or with the last drop of water, with the result that
he comes out cleansed of all sins.”
[Sahih Muslim]
Hands trembling, water
splashing, feeling only the scourge of sin upon skin…
He could still feel the
caress of female flesh against his fingers, the sweet nothings he whispered as
he coaxed a slow, yielding response to his own desire, masking his own need, wanting
to be wanted…
She could still hear
the deafening pounding of music against her eardrums, a wild invitation hissing
through her blood, liquid courage thrumming within her as she tipped her head
back and drank, reckless, seeking a release from her own soul…
O Allaah, place within
my heart light, and upon my tongue light, and within my ears light, and within
my eyes light, and place behind me light and in front of me light and above me
light and beneath me light. O Allaah, bestow upon me light.’
Legs shaking, feet
dragging, shadows upon the heart;
Haunting memories,
nightmares of human evil, mocking reminders of every crime committed against self,
against God…
He could still see the
darkness of an alley; desperation lending fury to action, the snick of a blade
to emphasize the demand for a wallet, a few measly dollars, anything to
pay for the next fix…
She could still smell the
acrid stench of vomit, musky overtones of smoke from cigarettes made from more
than just tobacco; stained sheets and hollow satisfaction…
When a worshipper of
Allah uses the siwaak (to clean his teeth), and then stands in prayer, an angel
comes and stands behind him, listening to the recitation of Qur’an. The angel
continues to listen and draw nearer until he places his mouth over the
worshipper’s, so that he does not recite one aayah but that it enters into the
angel’s mouth. Therefore, purify your mouth for the recitation of Qur’an. (Al-Bayhaqi, authenticated by al-Albani)
Can one be kissed by an
angel when they’ve so often danced with the devil?
Tongue stumbling over
half-forgotten verses; the distant memory of peace, evoked; and slowly, slowly…
Her shoulders loosen,
taut muscles softening at an unseen touch; her voice sweetens with the
recitation of once-familiar prayer…
His breath comes slow
and deep, almost afraid as hope begins to unfurl deep within…
Indeed, Allah has said:
I have divided prayer between Myself and My servant into two halves, and My
servant shall have what he has asked for.
In the name of God, Most Beneficient, Most Merciful
All Praises are due to God, Lord of the worlds
(Allah responds:) ‘My
slave has praised Me
The Beneficient, Most Merciful
‘My slave has
extolled Me’
King of the Day of Judgement
‘My slave has
proclaimed My Greatness’
You alone do we worship, and to You alone do we turn to for help
‘This is between Me
and My slave and I grant to My slave what he has asked.'
Guide us to the Straight Path
‘All this is there
for My slave. He shall be given what he prays for.’
The path of those whom You have graced
‘All this is there for My slave. He shall be given what he prays for.’
Not of those who have deserved Your Anger, nor those who have gone astray
‘All this is there
for My slave. He shall be given what he prays for.’
(Narrated by Muslim, Malik,
at-Tirmidhi, Abu-Dawud, an-Nasa'i and Ibn Majah)
Pleading praises,
weeping exaltations, grief-stricken glorification… What hope has a broken soul
for the mercy of their Lord?
“The closest that a
servant is to his Lord is when he is in prostration.” (Muslim)
A yearning soul, a
longing for love, a whispered prayer. My Lord, forgive me… my Lord, my Lord!
"O son of Adam, as
long as you call upon Me and put your hope in Me, I have forgiven you for what
you have done and I do not mind. O son of Adam, if your sins were to reach the
clouds of the sky and then you would seek My forgiveness, I would forgive you.
O son of Adam, if you were to come to Me with sins that are close to filling the
earth and then you would meet Me without ascribing any partners with Me, I
would certainly bring to you forgiveness close to filling it."
(Authenticated by Al Albani)
Sakeenah of spirit,
awestruck awareness, tranquility so profound that – for now – the shadows are
banished, soul glimmering with mother-of-pearl purity.
A soft sigh. A heart
unburdened. Indeed, after hardship comes
ease.
2 comments:
Bismillah Ar Rahman Ar Raheem
Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmathullah wa barakatuhu
Alhamdulillah................... INCREDIBLE ! I have read this through 3 times and each time I am gaining more, both in equating your past to your present and in feeling your pain until, under the mercy of Allah (subhana wa ta'ala), it is washed away and become merely a memory.
One line made me stop each time I read it:
" Can one be kissed by an angel when they’ve so often danced with the devil?"
Your command of emotions and language are wonderful to witness, as is reading about the way you found peace and ease in our wonderful Deen.
BTW I have Surat Ash-Sharĥ 94:6 on the wall over my desk with other of my favorite and most useful verses from the Noble Qur'an.
wow.. masha Allah.. this is so awesome.
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